What happens when success looks perfect on the outside but feels misaligned on the inside? In this powerful episode of Give A Heck, Dwight Heck sits down with professional hockey executive and alcohol-free performance coach Toni Will to explore how intentional behaviour change, accountability, and clarity can unlock leadership, resilience, and sustainable high performance. Toni shares how choosing an alcohol-free life reclaimed nearly 800 hours per year, transformed her leadership capacity, and redefined success beyond societal expectations — proving that thriving requires alignment, not escape.
🎙️ Give A Heck Podcast | Hosted by Dwight Heck
High performance does not always mean fulfillment.
Many leaders function at elite levels while quietly battling burnout, social conditioning, or habits that no longer align with who they are becoming.
In this episode of Give A Heck, Dwight Heck welcomes Toni Will, General Manager and Governor of the Kalamazoo Wings professional hockey team, TEDx speaker, leadership coach, and author of Rebellious Success. Rather than waiting for rock bottom, Toni made the intentional decision to live alcohol-free to gain clarity, energy, and sustainable performance.
This conversation challenges conventional thinking around success, addiction, leadership identity, and personal growth. Together, Dwight and Toni unpack how behaviour-first change, accountability, and intentional living allow individuals to reclaim time, confidence, and purpose — both personally and professionally.
At its core, this episode is about choosing alignment over autopilot and designing a life that reflects your true values.
Why Alcohol-Free Leadership Improves Performance and Clarity
Toni Will’s journey demonstrates that leadership performance is deeply connected to personal alignment, energy management, and intentional decision-making.
🎧 In This Episode, You Will Learn How To:
- Recognize why functional success can still hide internal misalignment
- Understand how alcohol normalization impacts leadership performance
- Reframe relapse and setbacks as data instead of failure
- Build accountability systems that create lasting behavioural change
- Reclaim up to 800 hours annually through intentional living
- Strengthen confidence through goal achievement and self-trust
- Lead authentically without people-pleasing or burnout
- Define success on your own terms rather than societal expectations
The Hidden Cost of Functional Drinking in High Performers
👤My Special Guest Is Toni Will
Toni Will is the General Manager and Governor of the Kalamazoo Wings (ECHL), operating at the executive level of professional sports leadership. Beyond hockey, she is an alcohol-free performance coach, TEDx speaker, podcast host, and creator of the Empower Her Conference.
After recognizing that high achievement alone did not equal fulfillment, Toni chose to live alcohol-free — not from crisis, but from intention. Her work now helps professionals worldwide reduce or eliminate substance dependency, reclaim time and energy, and build sustainable success aligned with personal values.
She is also the author of the upcoming book Rebellious Success, blending memoir, leadership development, and personal growth principles designed to help individuals create their own definition of success.
Behaviour First Change and Accountability for Lasting Transformation
Throughout the conversation, Toni explains how accountability and behaviour-first change create sustainable transformation rather than temporary motivation.
🕒Chapter Summaries
Reclaiming 800 Hours a Year Through Intentional Living
00:00:03 — Introduction: High Performance vs True Alignment
Toni Will’s leadership role in professional hockey and her decision to pursue alcohol-free living for clarity and sustainability.
00:04:54 — Origin Story: The Making of a Rebellious Leader
Growing up feeling different shaped Toni’s leadership identity and willingness to challenge norms.
00:31:20 — Functional Drinking and the Turning Point
How societal normalization and professional culture influenced Toni’s relationship with alcohol.
00:39:14 — Society’s Normalization of Alcohol
Exploring how media and workplace environments reinforce drinking culture and why breaking free creates personal growth.
00:47:53 — Accountability as a Catalyst for Change
Why telling others about behavioural change closes loopholes and accelerates transformation.
00:57:40 — Confidence Through Self-Trust
Building resilience by achieving goals and reframing failure as feedback.
01:02:08 — Writing Rebellious Success
The emotional and cathartic process of transforming leadership lessons into a forthcoming book.
01:07:29 — Defining Success on Your Own Terms
Toni’s closing message on authenticity, individuality, and rejecting one-size-fits-all success models.
Defining Success on Your Own Terms with Toni Will
🧠Final Reflection
Many people are not struggling because they lack discipline or ambition.
They struggle because they are living successful lives that are misaligned with who they truly want to become.
Toni Will’s journey demonstrates that transformation does not require collapse — only awareness, courage, and intentional action. When behaviour aligns with values, clarity replaces burnout, and performance becomes sustainable.
Sometimes the greatest leadership decision is choosing yourself first.
🎙️ Related Give A Heck Episodes You May Enjoy
If Toni Will’s conversation on intentional living, behaviour change, and redefining success resonated with you, these Give A Heck episodes explore similar transformational journeys:
✅ Trust But Verify: How Blind Trust Cost Me Tens of Thousands in Business
https://giveaheck.com/podcast-detail/trust-but-verify-how-blind-trust-cost-me-tens-of-thousands-in-business/
✅ The 91 Percent Retirement Crisis: Financial Independence & Retirement Planning with Dwight Heck
https://giveaheck.com/podcast-detail/the-91-percent-retirement-crisis-financial-independence-retirement-planning-with-dwight-heck/
✅ How Scott Curry Went from Homeless to Financial Freedom
https://giveaheck.com/podcast-detail/how-scott-curry-went-from-homeless-to-financial-freedom/
🔗 Connect With Toni Will
🌐 Website: https://www.toniwill.com/
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonilentini
📺 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ToniWill
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/imtoniwill
💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tonildaniels/
🔗 Connect With Host Dwight Heck
🌐 https://giveaheck.com
📘 https://facebook.com/dwight.heck
📺 https://youtube.com/@giveaheck
📸 https://instagram.com/give.a.heck
💼 https://linkedin.com/in/dwight-heck-65a90150
📝 Full Unedited Transcript:
Some listeners prefer to read rather than watch or listen. Below is the full unedited transcript of this Give A Heck podcast episode for accessibility and reference.
[00:00:03 – 00:01:47]
What happens when a high performing executive in professional hockey decides that success alone is not enough? What happens when the pressure is constant, expectations are public, and you realize that functioning is not the same as thriving? Welcome back to the giveahack podcast. I’m your host, Dwight Heck, here to help you live life on purpose and and not by accident. Toni Will operates at the executive level in professional sport. She is the general manager and governor of Kalamazoo Wings in the echl, responsible for hockey operations, business strategy, team performance and organizational culture in one of the most competitive environments in professional sports leadership. But behind the executive title is a deeper story. After building a successful career, Tony made the intentional decision to live alcohol free. Not because she hit rock bottom, not because she could not function, but because she wanted clarity, alignment and sustainable performance without burnout, numbing or people pleasing. Today she is also an alcohol free performance coach, TEDx speecher, speaker, pardon me, host of the Women in podcast, creator of the Empower her conference, and the author of the forthcoming book Rebellious Success. This conversation is about leadership under pressure, executive performance, identity beyond achievement, behavior first change, accountability, resilience, and intentional momentum. Tony, I’d like to welcome you to the Give a Hack podcast. Thanks for agreeing to come on and share with us some of your life journey.
[00:01:48 – 00:01:54]
Hey Dwight, it’s a pleasure to be here and a very clever name for your podcast. It drew me in immediately. So I want to tell you that.
[00:01:55 – 00:02:51]
Yeah, that’s what happens when you have, you know, it took me forever. Tony, some of the new listeners may not understand the story. My legal last name, they still don’t understand is Heck. It’s a European name. You can go look it up. It’s been around like for literally hundreds and hundreds of years. And I had somebody when I decided to brand myself during the pandemic and create the Give a Hack. Say, why aren’t you using your last name? We were, we were. I was in a mastermind that I belonged to and we were trying to juggle names and trying to figure it out and somebody said, why aren’t you using your last name? And it was a branding expert that I actually met that was being interviewed on another podcast and that’s. And we became friends. And then I became friends with another branding expert and they all said the same thing. Are you crazy? People would love to be able to do that right with their name. And yours is you can legally do it. It took me three years to get it trademarked too.
[00:02:51 – 00:02:56]
Yeah, my name is actually right for the picking. I should be doing something with Will.
[00:02:57 – 00:04:17]
Oh, you should like my. So the Give a Give A Hack brand is trademarked, and I haven’t did it in the US Because I don’t feel I need to. I don’t do. Most of my business is. Is in Canada, and if I do stuff in the US it builds for my Canadian corporation. So I. But it’s trademarked. Even my logo’s trademarked. It took a long time, though. I was shocked. But at the end of the day, it’s so important for us to utilize whatever we can, that call to action, that hook to make people stop and stand up and be present. Right. So the Give a Heck name just sprouted up in 2020, and it’s been going strong ever since. And yeah, I even rebranded my finance company to the government. And, yeah, it’s just been. It’s been a fun ride. Right. Because in life, really, what. What do we want? We want somebody to notice us. We want to be heard. We want to be recognized. And that’s what I wanted to do. I wanted to give a heck because I felt like that lonely person that wasn’t heard. I don’t care if I stood on stages and talked or people come up to me and, oh, we’ve read your. We’ve done this or done that. It doesn’t mean anything. When. When I didn’t, I still felt lonely in a room. Right. So I want people to not feel that way. I want them to realize that somebody does care about them. They do give a heck. So that’s why you’re on the show. I look forward to our conversation.
[00:04:17 – 00:04:18]
Same.
[00:04:18 – 00:04:54]
So before we go anywhere else, I talked to you about the fact that I like starting at the beginning of a person’s life, their origin. Right. What. What made, you know, a little Tony tick? Did something happen in your life that was. And it doesn’t have to be negative. Sometimes it’s really, you know, it can be positive. But a lot of people don’t look back at their origin and realize that though the past is not indicative of our future, there is clues of who we become and why we’ve changed, good, bad, or indifferent. So if you could do me a favor and share your origin story, whatever you feel comfortable to where you are, I’d appreciate that.
[00:04:54 – 00:08:06]
Yeah. So, you know, I would. I would label my origin story as pretty mid America. You know, I grew up in Kalamazoo, Michigan, in a little town. Well, a little town outside of Kalamazoo, which is called Vicksburg, Michigan. And people are like, there really is a Kalamazoo yes, there is. It is smack dab in between Chicago and Detroit on i94. And people know where Chicago and Detroit is. So Kalamazoo is right in the middle of both those two big cities. And so I’ve been born and raised here my entire life. And my mom and dad, my mom was a school teacher, an elementary school teacher, and my dad was an entrepreneur and I have a younger brother. And I grew up in a four family household. My parents were married for nearly 50 years until my mom passed last year of Alzheimer’s. And my dad is 83 years old and lives in Florida now. So my life growing up was very privileged. It was, it was my, you know, my parents poured a lot into my brother and I and we, you know, they paid for our college education, they were supportive of our sporting endeavors, of our education, of our careers. And I was this version of me, you see now the 47, almost 48 year old version of me. You can picture me with my glasses and my short hair because this is what I look like as a little girl too. I was climbing trees, I was riding bikes, I was doing gymnastics, I was a cheerleader and I was basic. I was always wearing bright colors. I was always, and I always love cats. I was, I was always just different. And something interesting happened growing up. Not, I don’t know where it came about, but I kind of labeled myself different even when I was younger. Very outgoing and made friends easily and always in leadership, always wanted to be in charge, always creating new ideas. And so I’ve always kind of been the same person. But it’s somewhere in my upbringing I, I labeled myself a black sheep. And my brother was very good at school. I was, you know, a C student. I think the best way to describe me in a nutshell is I like to color outside the lines. And what comes with that rebellious spirit oftentimes is, boy, she’s too much or she’s hard to manage or, you know, and there are only certain people that understand me and get, I feel like, get me, my dad being one of them. And so my mom and I had a great relationship, but it was tumultuous at times. And by time she passed, everything was, was good. But I understood her better towards the end of her life because I took the time to reflect more and learn more. And I had changed a lot as I moved deeper into my 40s. So that’s my origin really. That, that’s what was Tony Lentini, who is now Tony Will.
[00:08:07 – 00:10:21]
I love it. It’s as you’re, I love Hearing people’s origin stories and feeling that commonality right in our own lives and how we can. You know, I was. I was a person in school that didn’t do the greatest either. I was a C student. It was not necessarily that I was rebellious, but it just wasn’t my thing. And my mom let me get away with more than my dad ever would, so I could get away with not doing homework or. You know what I mean? Or just skating by with seeds. And, you know, at the end of the day, it was. It is. But, you know, in life, though, and I wrote some things down here, when I think about it, C students, I know more. And this may hurt some people listening or watching on YouTube. At the end of the day, I know more people that are successful, that were C students than are A students. And I. And again, it’s not because intelligence happens because somebody gives you an A. Intelligence happens when you hit your. Hit your stride where you. Where you decide that you want to climb in life, you want to learn. And it’s not so structured out of a book. And I find a lot of C people, and I’ve had it in my own career, my own life, dealing with people as a boss, where they were A students. I was a C student, but I had a vision. I had more vision than they did. I wasn’t stuck within that. That. That walls of the educational institute. And I’m not against education. I’m saying that most people that strive to be book smart aren’t smart when it comes to application. They’re stuck in their wall. They’re very good as a scientist. They’re very good as this position, this role, but they don’t. They’d never be a C leader, being the person that’s willing to take risks, because really, when we start at C, we’re taking a risk knowing that we could fail. Right. We could fail at school. We’re skating right. Maybe the odd time we get a B, right? And then we’re. There were. There were a superstar. But, you know, I liked how you put that, though, because at the end of the day, C students, we. We just push forward. We generate. You look at the wealthiest people in the world. Most of them are. Weren’t high educated. They just weren’t. They were just tenacious. They were. Tenacity is a superpower. Right. In my opinion.
[00:10:22 – 00:10:27]
Totally. And I was like that in college, too. So were you all the way through?
[00:10:27 – 00:10:28]
Yeah.
[00:10:28 – 00:10:43]
Yeah. I. You know, one of the things I like to think about is I didn’t. I. I’m Peaking in my life probably right now. You know, a lot. Some people peak in high school. No way. That wasn’t me. I had a long mountain to climb. So I feel like I’m coming into my own as the closer and closer I get to 50.
[00:10:43 – 00:11:08]
I don’t think you’re ever going to peak. Just getting to know you. I. People say, how long are you going to keep on doing this, Dwight? When are you going to retire? Never. Why? I’m going to learn till the day I take my last breath. And they’ll go, why? When is enough going to be enough? What, you want me to sit on my couch and let my brain die? My brain needs. My brain needs to be fed. So I’m always on the climb. I haven’t reached my peak yet.
[00:11:08 – 00:11:11]
I like that page out of your book.
[00:11:11 – 00:11:33]
Absolutely. You could read my book. It’s got lots of good advice like that. And everybody thinks my book’s about finance. It’s not. It’s how to live life on purpose and not backs. And it talks very little about. A little about it. Very little about finance. Finance. My book is based on what we’re doing right now. Starts at the origin. It breaks down. This is a little bit of business. Here’s some ideas. Here’s this. Here’s that book’s done.
[00:11:35 – 00:11:36]
I love to read, so. Yes.
[00:11:37 – 00:12:22]
Yes. But, you know, at the end of the day, it’s it. We have a choice in life. We can stop growing and stop building and then we let negativity take us over. And I think if we. We push out of our mindset that we haven’t peaked. Right. That we’re not peaking. And after reading your stuff, there’s no way you’re close to your peak. That’s just an outside person just meeting you. And I put lots of research in yesterday before we even come on today. Yeah, you’re far from peaking. You’re. That’s just. That’s an outsider looking in. I think you’re going to never peak. Why? Because you don’t. You don’t want to achieve. You don’t want to see. Achieve greatness. What’s on the other side then, exactly?
[00:12:22 – 00:12:30]
Well, and my personality is such that I’m always finding a new mountain to climb. And I love the challenge.
[00:12:30 – 00:12:32]
New levels of excitement.
[00:12:32 – 00:12:33]
Yeah.
[00:12:33 – 00:14:07]
You know, like I’ve. I. My podcast episode that I released this week is a solo. I do about three, four solos a year. And it’s just on. On people that have disappointed, you know, people that are gurus that say they know things and how they’ve. I’ve allowed it. I take ownership. People take ownership of your own mistakes. It’s easy to point fingers, but it points back at you too. And I literally did a podcast episode only like 26 minutes. And all it does is talk about the fact of being more aware to utilize tools like AI properly, to research somebody like Tony that says they’re a coach. Right? And don’t just trust the fact that Tony got it was a referral from another person. Maybe that other person owed Tony a favor, so referred you even though they know Tony’s eh, not the greatest. Do you know what I mean? So the reason I bring this up is because at the end of the day, we always have to strive to grow. So every time I start doing new stuff, like I’ve been doing the last two months and the podcast talks about that and analyzing all aspects of my business, I got more excited. I got rejuvenated. Yeah, right. Shot in the arm, man. Like at the end of the day, people listening, it’s okay to be camped temporarily, right? Don’t think you arrived realize even if you. Your business is where it’s at, you could grow in so many other ways. What are your core values? Are you weak at any of them? Oh, you don’t have core values. So maybe you should figure some of those out and then you can filter your life through that. You’ll live better, you’ll sleep better, you won’t let stuff bother you as much. Right? Anyway, I’ll get off my soapbox. He’s going.
[00:14:07 – 00:14:07]
Dwight’s going.
[00:14:07 – 00:14:57]
I love it. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, just. Thank you for sharing. That was great. You know, black sheep in school, pick me, right? Mother and father. I was opposite of you, right? With my parents. My dad and I had a tumultuous relationship. We. They’re both still alive. My dad just turned 85. You know, it’s. My mom was the caregiver. My dad was Ying. There was a Ying and Yang there, obviously. My dad was the entrepreneur that taught me some harsh lessons. The good lessons I was too young to understand, didn’t realize till I was in my 20 how my 20s, how much he taught me. You know, it’s just life. Our origins are so important. So growing up, what messages did you absorb about achievement, pressure, competition, or success? What did you. What did you actually pick up on all those?
[00:14:58 – 00:16:59]
You know, my. My dad, as you know, we. I mentioned earlier, we have a very close relationship, and he was someone that was starting businesses, different business ventures throughout my entire childhood. And he was very open about discussing the highs and the lows of being entrepreneur. And so that always fascinated me and way more than my mom’s teaching, being in the classroom with third graders. I had no desire to do anything like that. But the other thing my dad carried, traits that he carried was he’s still to this day plays softball all around the country. I call it his 80U team, 80 year olds and they play. And so I’ve watched him be active his whole life, working out and I used to go to the gym with him when I was younger. I loved being with my dad and that those traits you just mentioned came from being raised in that environment of, you know, recreational sport. He played racquetball as well as softball. I enjoyed, I would go on walks with him like we power walk, I guess, whatever. Back with my CD player and way back in the day. But it was just that, that competition, healthy competition, being a recreational athlete, it really started at a young age. And as a woman that’s always been in leadership playing like those, well, team sports like cheerleading. And I know that’s controversial whether it’s a sport or not. I’ve always argued that it is being. Having been a competitive cheer person and the captain of the team and first team all conference growing up those, those early days really shaped me in that way and, and I knew at a young age too that business was interesting to me and I wanted to learn how to be a good leader and business person and that a lot, a lot of that came from my dad.
[00:17:00 – 00:18:34]
Isn’t it interesting though how our learned behaviors in her life, can they really do control us or we can accept our learned behaviors, learn to adapt to what’s the good and bad and indifferent of it and, and still accept it and move forward. I had so many learned behaviors. Even though my dad was a workaholic entrepreneur, very, very successful entrepreneur. Like I said, I didn’t learn lots from him until I was aware it wasn’t that he wasn’t teaching me, it was the awareness aspect of it. But you know, entrepreneurship was in my blood from him. Right. I talk about in my book my first people say, what was your first entrepreneurship? I was a paper boy delivering in minus 30 some weather with blizzards and rain, sleet, snow, didn’t matter in Canada. I was up and had to deliver the newspaper and, and I had to collect money. I had doors slammed in my face because people wouldn’t, didn’t, couldn’t afford to pay me. Yet I still give them newspapers because I had to learn that People aren’t as kind as I thought they were and that, you know, they owed me three months, yet I was still giving them the newspaper. I hate my dad would, My dad would sit me down. Let’s talk about your business. All right. I was 12. I was 12, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to learn how to write a check. You got to pay in the paper guy, you know, so he helped me with a few things when I first started out, but. Yeah, it’s just, you look back, what, what, what guided us. Good, bad.
[00:18:34 – 00:19:37]
Right, Exactly. I, I, not that I want to get on my soapbox on this. I certainly can, but one of the things as I progressed through my life that I learned is when and this. I mean, it sounds obvious, but I don’t know that it is. For a lot of people, we are shaped like we come out of the womb as blank slates, and we are shaped by our environment. So one. And I’m sure we’ll get into my story more, but challenging these beliefs that we were raised in, it will be helpful as you come of age and some of these things that occurred in my life. And I know we’ll probably talk about. Well, I know it’s my bio about living alcohol free, but I wasn’t surrounded by alcohol, really. My parents were taking a leave of drinkers. My point in this is that at any stage of life, to start to question what our beliefs are and why we are who we are and what the choices we’re making is really important. And so, because I understand that now, I’m raising my children to question those things because maybe they don’t believe how I raise them, they are going to have different beliefs, and that’s okay.
[00:19:37 – 00:20:37]
But you’ve matured, you’ve grown since you raised them. Like, I didn’t have a parenting manual with number one, things got better with number two, three, four, five, and I’m a different man, a different human than I was five weeks ago. And people go, what? Yes, I’m. I’m different than I was five weeks ago. I’m different than I was five months, five years ago. I’m not the same parent now. I have conversations with my kids, and I’ll say, oh, this. And then I’ll go, you know what? I should have dealt with that differently. I’m sorry. You know, and we have those open conversations. I don’t want them to be sitting and festering on something, that I was too immature or ignorant or maybe too emotionally involved. My emotional IQ is at a 2, and it should have been an 8 or a 10. And I made poor choices. I’m not saying such bad choices. Like there wasn’t violence or alcoholism or drug addiction or anything. Just poor choices and, you know, should have listened instead of advised.
[00:20:38 – 00:20:40]
Yeah, exactly right.
[00:20:41 – 00:20:58]
So my point is as you. You’re a parent that’s changed and grown and developed and you’re continuing to grow as a. As a parent. And eventually it’ll be a grandma and then eventually it’ll be a great grandma and you know what I mean? You become a better friend as we age too. At least I think we do. We come become better friends.
[00:20:58 – 00:21:09]
Absolutely. Just overall better human being and by choice. By choice, yeah. And. And like the opening your podcast talks about with intentionality. And I’m very passionate about that.
[00:21:09 – 00:21:48]
Oh, I’m very intentional, very purposeful about, you know, and people listening. I am not perfect. I can’t speak for Tony. I still have moments in my life where I go into the valley despair and I have to climb out of it. The difference is, is my awareness level is fine tuned to be aware of it and to pull myself out of it. And literally I can tell you and you can go back listen if there was a listener watch, you can go back, listen to episodes that I’ve done on it. You can go read about it in my. You know, I post about it quite often. You literally can make it so that you never have a bad day in your life. I’m on year eight.
[00:21:50 – 00:21:50]
Awesome.
[00:21:50 – 00:21:52]
Right? How do you do that? It’s a choice.
[00:21:53 – 00:21:53]
It is.
[00:21:53 – 00:22:02]
You can have. Don’t get me wrong, I have character building moments within those days, but why defeat yourself by saying, I had a bad day?
[00:22:03 – 00:22:03]
Right.
[00:22:03 – 00:22:08]
Aren’t you. Are you appreciative that you opened your eyes up, roof over your head, food in the fridge?
[00:22:10 – 00:22:10]
Yeah.
[00:22:10 – 00:22:12]
Right. So things like that.
[00:22:12 – 00:22:35]
Absolutely. And that. That’s exactly how I live my life. I write down three wins I had for the day and three things I want for tomorrow. It’s a form of gratitude. And I close almost every day that way. And it’s just one of the ways I live intentionally and purpose. And it’s, you know, it’s just. It feels weird when I don’t do it now, but it took a long time to build that habit, so.
[00:22:35 – 00:22:56]
Oh my gosh. I’ve got. I do awareness exercises when I get up. I do them before I go to bed and I do them throughout the day if I need it. Right. Depending on my state of mind. Maybe a bad phone call with a client or something. That’s happened. Tumultuous in my family. But at the end of the day, the more awareness I have, the more I smile.
[00:22:56 – 00:22:57]
Yes.
[00:22:57 – 00:24:05]
The more I have a spring in my step, the more I realize, oh, my gosh, I had a conversation with somebody today and I didn’t realize their body language. I’m reaching out to them tomorrow. Hey, such and such. Maybe I said something. You know, I noticed something yesterday in your body language. Did I say something that offended you, or did I say something that maybe I need to. We need to work through? You know, you’d be shocked. Well, you know, you said this. It wasn’t you intentionally, but it sparked this. And because. And thank you for realizing it. Sometimes I hope I realize it while the conversation is going on, but sometimes I don’t. So it’s okay to realize people listening or watching that intentional living takes effort the rest of your life and that and that. And that habit you talk about. Tony. Sometimes I, I. Something happens. Maybe I’ve had a bad night and I wake up and I’m in a rush and I forgot to do my awareness and my gratefulness and I wonder why my day’s off. And then all of a sudden I’ll have that epiphany. 1:15 in the afternoon. I forgot to be grateful. Okay, take a time out. Breathe. Okay. Be grateful. Talk about, you know.
[00:24:06 – 00:24:08]
Exactly. Exactly.
[00:24:08 – 00:24:12]
Vulnerability, People listening, watching. I am not perfect. I’m a working project.
[00:24:13 – 00:24:15]
Oh, same here. Far from it.
[00:24:16 – 00:24:33]
Yeah. So at one point in time, though, so we talk about this, and you mentioned about you have that natural drive, right. Throughout your life, like, have you had anybody that continually sparks you, that inspires you to continue to grow and develop?
[00:24:35 – 00:24:55]
You know, it’s pretty. It’s just hardwired in me. I wouldn’t say that there is externally, other than my dad, who I’ve talked obviously about a lot today. But it’s really been a fire that’s been in my belly since the minute I came out. And I don’t have any other way to explain it. I am just always.
[00:24:55 – 00:24:56]
That’s your identity.
[00:24:57 – 00:25:19]
Yeah. And I am. I. I don’t like to use definitive, so I’m not going to say I’m always motivated because I’m not. But I’m. I’m driven and I. And I like challenges and I get antsy and I want to help people and I love to learn. So there’s a lot that drives me that’s just hardwired into this brain of mine.
[00:25:20 – 00:25:28]
Would. Would people looking at you as a young child or Growing up as a teenager into young adulthood, would they have labeled you as a leader? Was it obvious?
[00:25:29 – 00:25:30]
Yes. Yes.
[00:25:30 – 00:25:33]
Because you talked about it, but it doesn’t mean that other people see it.
[00:25:34 – 00:26:23]
Yes. It’s interesting because someone reached out to. One of my high school friends reached out to me on LinkedIn, I think it was last week. And he just said, tony, it’s so cool to see the work you’re doing and that you’re an author now. And. And he said, I knew you were like this when we were young. He’s like, I could always see this in you. And yes, I’ve always been a leader. It’s been really hard for me when someone, when a teacher, or even to this day someone will say, we’re looking for a volunteer and they can’t even get the words out what it is. And my hand immediately wants to go up for whatever it is because I. Not only do I want to volunteer, but I want to lead it. And even if I don’t know how to do it, I will figure it out. And I’ve always bet on me and go all in on me whether I know what the heck I’m doing or not. And sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, and that’s okay.
[00:26:25 – 00:26:29]
Where you do find that leadership can be tied to people pleasing too.
[00:26:30 – 00:27:21]
It can be. But for me, I am. I would definitely. I’m not afraid to be the anti. People pleaser. I always say this. Be kind but firm. And so that is very much a mantra I live by. And I am as even a. It. It didn’t really matter what age I was at, if I didn’t feel like something in. In my intuition was the right direction, I would speak up, but. And be respectful. Of course, I’m a Gen Xer, you know, like we’re very respectful. And not that some generations aren’t, but I. I really value the people that went before me, whether they’re my bosses or my parents or whatever. I value their input. So. But I’m not afraid to say that doesn’t sit right.
[00:27:21 – 00:28:41]
Yeah, see, and I appreciate you saying that because my dad was always like that, my mom wasn’t. So I was caught in that trap of ying and Yang, of better to be seen, not heard, better. You know what I mean? That sort of. So it took me a little bit to climb out of that shell. So I used to use humor to, you know, cover up things and was in my early 20s when I start. When I started my first business, not paperboy, but official business. And realizing how many things that I need to work on and gain my confidence and that I had it that seeds in me. And the reason I bring this up people that are listening is those seeds require personal development and watering. Right. Some people it’s natural like Tony. For me I had it but it wasn’t natural even though I seen it. I also had things that were messages that were confusing. So it was in my early and and it doesn’t mean you can’t even if you’re in yours. I have people listen my show. They’re in their 70s. You can change in your 70s. You can pick up a book and personally develop your brain. You can, you’ll, you’ll have a quicker step in your 70s or 80s if you pick up a book that inspires you instead of watching the news three times a day or doom scrolling people are shocked. There’s lots of people in their 70s and 80s on social media. Both my parents are right. They doom scroll for hours.
[00:28:42 – 00:28:57]
Yeah, well and that’s interesting mention that because my dad doesn’t doom scroll and he’s super active and you wouldn’t if you met him, you would not see, you would never think he’s 83. I mean he looks so much younger. So you can change your point.
[00:28:57 – 00:29:47]
Oh my. My parents are both extremely active. My dad has a bad knee, had to give up. He played into. He played till he was 79. 80 ball hard fastball, softball, hockey, everything but his knees shot now so he can’t. But he’s always physically active in his garage building stuff, coming up and helping family members. My mom still volunteers at the hospital. She, they, they’re both active. But it’s a choice. You’re right. 100 a choice and people look at them and go what your parents. There’s no way. Right. I posted a picture a few days ago. My mom and me and people were going what? There’s no way she could be that. No, she’s going to be 85 in April. Because they take. Life is. Life is in session. This isn’t a dress rehearsal. What are you willing to input to get a better output?
[00:29:48 – 00:29:55]
Yep. Yeah, and that’s exactly it. My goal is to be a centenarian. So I better be taking care of my stuff now so I can live that long.
[00:29:56 – 00:30:08]
Absolutely. 100% proper sleep, good nutrition and feeding. Your mind is part of what you feed. Right. You just need to do that. So we’ll get off that soapbox and go on to another one now.
[00:30:08 – 00:30:09]
Yeah, let’s move to another box.
[00:30:09 – 00:30:21]
Yeah, let’s go on to. Let’s go on to the next box. Alcohol Free Leadership and behavior. Behavior first change is this new and improved soapbox for our guest lecturer to stand on today.
[00:30:22 – 00:30:24]
It’s my favorite, one of my favorite topics.
[00:30:24 – 00:31:20]
Yes. So you know, I’ve had so many people on in regards to alcoholism and I’ve had it touch my life personally. I know people that have lost their mom and dad to being not alcoholism. Somebody driving, hitting them that was drunk. I know people that have destroyed their health and live from failure because alcoholism and you know, I’m not here to poop on people’s parade. You know, moderation. If you can handle it, great. But I was really intrigued by this part of the conversation I want to get into about, you know, your relationship. You know, like when did you, at what point did you start evaluating your relationship with alcohol in the context of not just high performance leadership, but just your life in general? What is your, what has been your observations and your intuition or what can you share about that journey that you’ve been on?
[00:31:20 – 00:39:14]
Yeah, this is, like I said, it is one of my favorite topics because it was not a linear line, my relationship with alcohol. And it wasn’t something I really, I drank once in high school, I, I drank once or twice in college because I was always driven, I was always working and going to school because I wanted to, I wanted independence, I wanted to pay for my own car and my own insurance, all these things. So I, I was always earning and doing and striving for something, whatever that something was. And then in my 20s, I got married, I was working, we had started a family and somewhere along the line I just, I just wasn’t happy. And there was nothing that my ex husband did. It just, it wasn’t the right match. You know, I can look back in hindsight now, all these 25 plus years later and say, well, you know, I was, I just was a kid, I was young. You know, the brain isn’t fully developed till you’re 25. Anyways, I found myself unhappy in a marriage. I decided to end it and I felt a lot of shame around that. But what came with this divorce was I had a four year old and a one year old and we had 50, 50 custody. And so we did one week on, one week off. So I found myself all of a sudden a part time parent. And I was in my, you know, I was turning 30 and I started to live a part of my life that I didn’t do in my 20s, which was this. Work hard, play hard, mentality and, and, and I also took up the sport of triathlon at that time. And in that sport, like a lot of sports, it has that same work hard, play hard, you, you swim, bike, run, you earn the drink. And you’re around a lot of high achieving, high pressure filled situation people. And you know, I just got sucked into that. And what it became was, and I would pair that with the pinking of alcohol. And if people aren’t familiar with this term, it’s not something I coined. Ann Dowsett Johnson, she’s an author of the book Drink. But this was coming of an era where alcohol was marketed more towards women. What we call the mommy wine culture. And so they call it the pinking of alcohol. And funny enough, you see it now in gambling commercials, the pinking of gambling, like making it attractive to women. And so I was drinking wine every night and subtly without me even noticing that the bottles of wine became boxes because it was, I could get four bottles of wine in a box and you can’t see what’s in the bat in the box. So you’re just drinking, I don’t know, you’re just naive to it. And that was over. You know, I started to question it in my mid-30s. I’m like, there was this whisper, this intuition, something’s not right. And so I’d find myself googling, am I an alcoholic? And I mean in hindsight, major red flag, but I just, there’s, there’s such a stigma around this. And by time I got to my late 30s, I was just like, yeah, this isn’t this. I have a problem. But I was ashamed. So I go to AA and I like any good type A driven person, I dive head in. And I spent 15 months sober. And I really enjoyed the culture of, I should say this, the community of aa. I, the framework was not for me, it’s a hundred year old, very male centric framework. And it’s great for some people, but for me I started to have thoughts around it’s a cult or all this stuff that I don’t think is true, but really what I was doing was looking for a justification to go back out. And I did. After 15 months sober, I went back out for three more years. And I, I was, although I was a high performer on the outside, very high functioning, I just was like, my core values, like you mentioned earlier, did not align with Tony party time. And that is what my friends called me, Tony party time. And she was something. But during the pandemic in 2020 is when I had an Opportunity. Because in Michigan, we were shut down. We couldn’t gather indoors. And as you noted earlier, I work in pro hockey. And so we were dark the 2122 season. 2020, 21 season. Anyway, and so we didn’t play. I was still working full time, but from home. So I had this opportunity. I could. I was like, you know what, Tony? You can either drink your face off or you can work on this because you have a window. And, you know, it’s a limited window. And so I chose to start looking into other methodologies. And so I found this book called this Naked Mind by Annie Grace. And I read it and I’m like, ah, this. This is more like me, rebellious, you know, likes to color outside the lines. So in. In looking at language, the power of language, the word alcoholic, for instance, I’m not. I’m not bashing the word alcoholic, but this is not recognized by the cdc. And so the correct term, the medical term, is alcohol use disorder. But we don’t give that stigma. Alcohol. We don’t say you’re a cigaretteaholic. We don’t say you’re a cocaine aholic. But for whatever, alcohol got this label, and people don’t want this label. What if we said alcohol free all of a sudden? Not for someone like me. I feel empowered. I feel like it’s my choice. It’s a health and wellness decision. And so what if. What if instead of the word relapse, which means, oh, my gosh, I had a drink and now all 15 months that I had is erased and you’re back to day one, and that’s the AA framework. What if it’s a data point? What if we look at it scientifically to say, what did I learn? Is this really. That was it. Was it something that the perceived benefit. Did it pay off? Or did I wake up with my umpteenth hangover? And so now I can go back and say, you know what I learned from that? I’m not starting over. I just have. Instead of 15 months, in one day, I have 15 months. And if you do the math on it, whatever the math is, let’s say it’s, you have 300, 300 days alcohol free and 200, 301 days. You know, you do the math. You just, whatever. That’s 98 alcohol free or 99 alcohol free. It feels way different. And so I was. I. I had a spark. I had hope that I could be, quote, unquote, normal. And it was out of. I’ve done a lot of hard things in My life a lot, but this was probably the hardest. And the brain is plastic. You can rewire neural pathways in your brain. You can change, as we’ve talked about at any age. And I did the work and I’m sitting here now five and a half years alcohol free, sober. I don’t label myself an alcoholic because I don’t. For me, it’s just, it, it, it’s just too stigmatized. So I chose to quit out loud and tell my story and wherever, people will ask me about it, whether it’s a TEDx stage, a podcast, a keynote speech, wherever I’m at, because I’m proud of it and I want to inspire other people who feel the way I did that there’s nothing wrong with them. The substance is addictive to anyone that drinks it, period. And so. And it’s a carcinogen. One bottle of wine is the equivalent of smoking 10 cigarettes.
[00:39:14 – 00:39:19]
Yeah, I know, it’s, it’s pretty, it’s. But it’s, it’s lack of knowledge, Right?
[00:39:19 – 00:39:20]
Correct.
[00:39:20 – 00:40:48]
And we’re, we’re in a society that inundates us with how you name me a movie or a TV show that doesn’t sensationalize alcohol. Middle of the day, lawyer’s office. Yeah. You want to drink and they’re pouring drinks. What lawyer office in your right mind would you deal with if you walked in and they’re offering you alcohol and they’re drinking themselves? If that’s the type of lawyer, accountant, or any professional that you’d utilize, that should scare you, right? We’re just throwing. It’s, we’re, we’re. They’ve made it so normalized to drink. And our kids see that and it’s talked about and it’s in the movies that we, that are rated, yet we think, oh, those ratings don’t exist. So we take our kids to movies that have excessive violence, alcohol, blah, blah, blah. Guess what, people, you need to shelter your children somewhat from, not from everything in life, but alcohol is de facto standard. And everything we do in life, it is just throwing at us day in and day out, the perception of what you don’t drink. What, oh, what are you doing this week? And I’m going to watch some sports or I’m going to go and do this and drink with some friends. And, and it’s always, they’re waiting from Monday to Friday. They can’t wait till Friday. And then they drink their faces off to wake up Sunday with a hangover. And then they’re miserable because they got to go back to Work Monday. Yeah. Repeat, rinse and repeat. Hamster wheel continues.
[00:40:48 – 00:40:51]
Yeah. And I don’t judge anyone that drinks.
[00:40:51 – 00:40:53]
I’m not either. But it’s a reality of our society.
[00:40:54 – 00:40:54]
It is.
[00:40:54 – 00:40:56]
And if people. People need to be aware.
[00:40:56 – 00:42:05]
They do. And, and, and again, this is where my rebel spirit, this coloring outside the lines, played very well for me because I could tap into that for Annie Grace’s framework. And so I became a certified coach under her program because I always wanted to be an entrepreneur. And so after that, I launched my own business. And five years ago, to help other people achieve the same goal. To live, to reduce or remove substances. They don’t have to full out, quit if they don’t want to. But because I’m a. I’m. I’m all about inclusivity, so I’m not going to shame a drinker. If they want to drink and figure out a way to moderate. For me, it’s not worth the effort. But if I have a client that wants to try and do that, I will support them in their efforts. What normally happens if they make it to a coach is eventually they will be like, wow, this is too much fricking work. I’d rather just quit. I’m like, yeah, I get it. And so I’ve been helping people all over the world for the last five years achieve their goals and a ton of success stories. And what you give yourself back is a lot of things. But I will. I get asked this question, so I might jump ahead if you have this one.
[00:42:05 – 00:42:05]
Sure.
[00:42:05 – 00:42:13]
Which is I. I gave myself back. On average, most drinkers get about 800 hours back a year when you quit drinking.
[00:42:14 – 00:42:14]
And.
[00:42:14 – 00:42:45]
And the math is rough. It’s thinking about drinking, actively drinking, and recovering from drinking. So people are always like, tony, how do you do all the things you do? Well, one of the ways was I quit drinking because I gave myself back all this time, and I have filled this time with things that give me even more meaning and more purpose. And so I was hard driving and getting stuff done. When I was a drinker boy, you take the alcohol out. And now I. I can continue to grow out and up. And that’s one of the secrets to my success.
[00:42:46 – 00:42:48]
So you are a functional drinker.
[00:42:49 – 00:43:31]
At one point in time, I would label myself that. Yes, I was daily drinking, sometimes binge drinking, sometimes it just. I mean, my life, if alcohol wasn’t at wherever it was, I wasn’t going. I was that person that was like, oh, they don’t drink. I don’t trust them. I was that A hole. And yeah, that was me. And, And I talk about it very openly and vulnerably because I know so many people can relate and they don’t. They’re so afra. Need to talk about it. And I get it. I totally get that. But I tell you, the best way to move through something like this, whatever, whatever the addiction is, is to talk about it. Because it will shrink the shame.
[00:43:33 – 00:46:34]
Oh, absolutely. I like how you say, you added there that it doesn’t matter what the addiction it can be. You’re addicted to weed, you’re addicted to television, you’re addicted to food. You, maybe you’re a depressive eater. Maybe you can be addicted to so many things. It’s a realization and it’s awareness to shrink down how you’re feeling about it to. What do most people do, though? I’ll quit tomorrow. Who cares what they think about me? Or, oh, you know, finish this work tomorrow. But you’re right. When you free up your. Your. Your life from addiction, you can accomplish more. You, like you talked about the 800 hours freed up. I look at the fact if you free yourself up from addict, usually, usually your, your sleeping is better, your eating is better, your health overall is better, your mental, your emotional iq, just everything shifts. And, And I’m talking from my own examples, I won’t get into that with, with you today, but my own realization of different, you know, times in my life where I, I sacrificed what I thought was a sacrifice when really it was an investment. It was, you know, it’s the words that we use. Like I wrote earlier on, and I never got into that. We won’t have time today. I’m definitely gonna have to have you on again about being a wordsmith. And what do we tell ourselves, right? What are we telling ourselves? Are we telling us the words to encourage ourselves? Are we associating with the right people? Are we associating with the things that we watch, we read, we communicate? Are we aware that, oh, my gosh, why do I feel icky after this conversation? Do we actually have the courage to analyze the fact that maybe we were the problem? Right. There’s just so many different things that you brought up over our conversation thus far that I’ve written tons of bullet points on where we’ll have to get you on again? I like how you talked about, you know, I wrote down, you know, your data point. You talked about the data point, data point, whatever you want to pronounce it. And we look at these different points in our lives and, and we realize that oh, my goodness. We’re, we’re right here. What are we going to do to change? Are we going to stay caught? Are we going to move forward? And a lot of people will think about that data point and think, well, what, what’s the first thing they do? I think, anyway, the people I coach for the last 20 years, they literally will think, what is that person going to think of me? What am I going to do if I don’t fit in with that group and drink with them this weekend? If I smoke, don’t smoke that joint, or if I don’t go binge watch, you know, whatever, where am I going to fit in? Guess what? People listening or watching, there’s a whole new world out there for you. If you’re a person that, that feels trapped, you think you’re functional or whatever your addiction, you’re literally, you may be happy I’m not here to judge you, but if you want more to life, like Tony’s saying, you can free up time, you can. And like I was adding, you can free up better, sleep better everything.
[00:46:34 – 00:46:42]
That’s my hobby, Dwight. I love to sleep. People like you don’t sleep, do you? Because of all the things you do. I’m like, oh, no, no. I get seven to eight hours and I, me too.
[00:46:43 – 00:46:47]
I record everything. I track everything. Yeah.
[00:46:47 – 00:46:54]
My husband will tell you. My hot. One of my hobbies is napping. I love a good nap. And so I get plenty of sleep.
[00:46:54 – 00:47:09]
But power naps are the best. Right now I’m thinking about, okay, when I get off this, I’m going to have a power nap and think about how amazing this conversation was. Because Tony and I, my emotional IQ is, needs to be recharged.
[00:47:10 – 00:47:12]
Right. That’s what happens sometimes.
[00:47:12 – 00:47:52]
I got to go, oh, trust me, trust me, trust me, trust me. I agree 100%. So thank you for being vulnerable and sharing about that. There’s other things I wanted to talk about, but I want to make sure there was one last question about the accountability portion of alcohol. And then we’re going to move on to some other things. So when you talk about quitting alcohol, it helps us to be, you know, when we first quit alcohol or any addiction, the accountability. How does that accountability fit in? Like, is that accountability when you quit? Is that accountability to always yourself, or do you make yourself accountable to other people to help you through that addiction? Or is it a combination of both?
[00:47:53 – 00:50:56]
Yeah. So this is very personality driven. But I’m, I, I will say that there are some silver bullets in this. Accountability is one of them. And so I encourage individuals that I’m coaching that you need to tell at least one person. One person. Because we, in our minds, we are amazing orators, we’re amazing storytellers, and we’re. But we. We don’t talk. When we say things, it sounds a heck of a lot different. And so by saying it, it becomes more real, number one. And I always say, go to a trusted person. You know, it could be your significant other, it could be your best friend. It could be an adult child. It could be a clergy person, a therapist, a coach. One person. Now for my story. I am someone that loves a good loophole. And so Tony Party Time would crawl right through a loophole if I. If I found one. And boy, oh, boy, did I find them. So for me, I decided my husband was from day one, like, Josh was the person I talked to. I also talked to my kids about it. I wanted them to understand I didn’t want to shelter them from certain things. And while they saw me drink, sometimes, they didn’t see me inebriated, maybe twice. But still, I was very open with them about this. But this is the one thing I did do on day 80. I said, okay, I’m gonna post this on social media. And I was terrified. But it was the end of 2020. I was very worried what people would think about me. But. And I was worried about my job. I was like, what if they don’t want me there anymore? And then I was like, screw it. If they. If people want to talk about me, I. That it’s none of my business because it’s behind my back. And second of all, if. If the hockey team doesn’t want me, then what kind of organization is this anyways? It was. They were silly, limiting beliefs. But I posted up on day 80 that I had quit drinking 80 days ago, and I was just going to keep going. And it was a health and wellness decision for me because it’s my story. I can shape the narrative any way I want. I don’t have to give them all the nitty gritty details. And as the years have ticked by, I’ve talked more openly about it and been more vulnerable. But I put it out there, and the sky didn’t fall. And all of a sudden, now that loophole was shut because I told the. My world, whatever, that, you know, and I use air quotes because it’s social media, but I did it in a big way. That way, if I ran into people when the world started to open up, I could go to a networking event or go to a work function or go to a dinner and not feel like I have to explain why I’m not drinking. It was on social media, so. And for the most part the people I’m spending my day to day with are friends with me or connected to me on social media. So that accountability is a big one. And rebels don’t like accountability. We say we don’t, but we thrive when we have it. And I was aware enough to know that about me in my 40s. My 30 year old version of Tony would have never said that. But as I’ve gotten wiser, I know better.
[00:50:56 – 00:53:16]
Oh, we know how to lie to ourselves. Yeah, we know how to look in the mirror. If we can look at ourselves and lie to ourselves. Right. We self sabotage ourselves. We just do. I’ve been through periods of time in my life where you know, speaking alcohol, my kids could justify know this, that there was never alcohol in my house ever. Then all of a sudden my dad would leave alcohol and I’d hide it because he wanted to have it. He was a day drinker. He’d have a drink every single day. Growing up, he can’t anymore because of some health issues. And I’m not here to criticize him, but that’s the way every day. Had to have a whiskey, got home from work or whatever and he’d have a whiskey. And you know, and I looked at this, that learned behavior, what happens with alcohol and, and stuff. And then I started having people would bring stuff here. Oh well, we brought your bottle of wine and, and I had right behind me is a wine hutch and that wine hutch would be full and I tell my kids when they hit adults, some of the adults, ah, if you want some of that, go ahead. And I didn’t pay attention over a nine month period I looked down, there was one bottle left. I was like, what about one of my daughter was taking, you know, whatever for parties and stuff. But I was also feeding that, feeding that alcohol is okay. Now all of a sudden you’d open up my pantry and you’d look up top, there would be somebody left behind a half a bottle of vodka. They left behind some coolers and this and that. And I started drinking, right? And I wasn’t drinking a lot. I’ve never been a big drinker, people will say that, but. And I, and I woke up one day and I thought to myself, why, why am I doing this? I don’t like how I feel the next day. It slows down. My brain processes. If I’m honest With myself, I can tell that whether I drank a lot or a little, I was feeling a body hangover. Whether it was just tiredness and, you know, I quit for years. Then I didn’t. I went through some valley to spare stuff. Just like you started drinking again. And then last June was the last time I’ve had a drop of alcohol. And I’m not telling people that to pat me on the back. I have openly told, like you said, accountability, told family about it and had adult children go down. We’re proud of you. You’ve changed. You’ve changed your nutrition again. You’ve stopped, you’ve stopped even having just two drinks a week. You’re not having anything. And, and you know, it makes me happy to be accountable.
[00:53:17 – 00:53:45]
Yeah, it does. It does. And it’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing. And the sooner it’s all about reframing it. Right. It goes back to what we were talking about. It’s language. Language is so important. How we talk to ourselves is so important. And self talk gets in the way because we’re really hard on ourselves in here. But the more we change and become the person we want to be, that self talk becomes more positive. There’s hope. And that makes a huge difference in quality of life.
[00:53:46 – 00:54:07]
Oh, absolutely. There’s many other things I want to discuss. We’re going to skip over some few things and, and hopefully you can promise me you’ll come back on the show sooner than later. I don’t think we can wait for your book launch because I, I promise I’ll come back. This is such a great conversation and I’m only through segment two, and I had five segments.
[00:54:08 – 00:54:11]
Yeah, well, maybe we’ll come back in June and then again after that.
[00:54:11 – 00:54:47]
Well, you’re so easy to talk to, though, so I really appreciate that. And in your vulnerability and you’re, you’re, you’re authentic. And it’s just, it really, it’s really good because there’s so many other things I want to cover, but we’re, you know, we’re running out of time, so I’m gonna jump ahead, ask you a couple out of this, you know, out of the sphere of what we were just talking about something different. We won’t really get into the hockey stuff today. That’ll be a conversation for another day because that impresses me big time. Right. Just like what’s her name? The assistant coach of. Is it a Kraken?
[00:54:47 – 00:54:49]
The Kraken, yes. Jessica.
[00:54:50 – 00:54:51]
Yeah, I follow her.
[00:54:52 – 00:54:52]
Yeah.
[00:54:52 – 00:55:51]
Anyway, I don’t know A lot about her, but it just impresses me because as a dad, that tells my girls that they can do whatever, they can achieve whatever, you know, in a man’s world where we have months for, you know, we. We honor Indigenous in Canada, we have. We have. We honor Black Month, we have this month, we have Asian Month, we have this and that. And my biggest argument and biggest pet peeve is why isn’t there a month for women? Why isn’t there showcasing the fact that the strength, the tenacity, the good tenacity, the. The ability to nurture, the ability to be strong and firm and so many things that men could only hope to have, women already have, and we’re trying to push them down. But anyway, this isn’t a podcast about me. I what I believe, but I champion the cause and I believe that you have so much more to share with my listeners. Right.
[00:55:53 – 00:55:58]
In Canada. Is it. Because in the States in March, it’s Women’s History Month, so I don’t know if it is in Canada as well.
[00:56:00 – 00:56:02]
I don’t know, to be honest with you.
[00:56:02 – 00:56:03]
Look it up.
[00:56:03 – 00:56:25]
I’ll have to look it up, but there’s so many. I just find there’s too much. Even in sports, like the National Hockey League, they have days for cancer awareness. In, like, Indigenous, they have. They have the Asian special hockey games for the Asian community. I know for a fact the NHL doesn’t do anything to showcase and highlight women. Why not?
[00:56:25 – 00:56:27]
No, I know we do it at our level.
[00:56:28 – 00:57:09]
It’s terrible. But anyway, I’ll get off my soapbox. It’s just there’s things that I’ve watched my children go to through my. My four daughters. My son has his own things that he goes through with my four daughters that being pigeonholed, stuck in a box, being not listened to, not heard, feeling that their voice doesn’t count, and then them being raised by a dad that was telling him, you know what you don’t get if you don’t ask? Right? Do you know the difference between the need and the want? So that as they were raised, they were running into other people that never, ever had that kind of teaching, which caused its own kind of conflict for them. Right? So at the end of the day, all we can do is do our best and.
[00:57:09 – 00:57:09]
Right.
[00:57:10 – 00:57:40]
Just move forward. And like I said, we’ll end up having you on again. We’re going to go through a few more things here because we’re running out of time. So. You know when you talk about confidence, right? Confidence is based on what I know the answer. But what would you say is that confidence is for people, right? Is it, Is it something that’s based on personal development? Is it based on accomplishments? What is. What does confidence mean to you?
[00:57:40 – 00:58:57]
So I’ve always, for me, and I’ve given this a lot of thought because I get asked a lot of times like, how are you so confident? And I never had a great answer until I continued to reflect on it and read and have this growth mindset. And for me, what helped me build my confidence was accomplishment in a sense. And I’ll boil it down to achieving goals. And so if I set a goal, whether it’s big or small, and I accomplish it, every time I accomplish a goal, I become more confident in myself and I trust myself even more. And self trust is a big deal because if you don’t trust yourself, you’re not going to get very far and you’re not going to be confident. So to me, it’s boiled down to setting goals and accomplishing them. And also I would say setting goals and not accomplishing them to see how one responds to that because that will tell you where your grit and your resilience and your persistence is. And it’s okay to not achieve everything. It’s okay to fail. And I think that the fear of failure is bs and that’s a whole other conversation because I encourage people to have a failure resume. If we haven’t failed the things, then we are not pushing ourselves hard enough.
[00:58:59 – 01:01:02]
Well, failure is simply a stepping stone to success. So if we can push ourselves to an avenue where we know that the failure rate is extremely high, we’re prepared for it. But it doesn’t mean that we’re not going to put ourselves out there. So we go out and we keep on working at it. And if it’s part of that failure resume, to me, I just look at it and go, goodness. You know, when people say to me, Tony, like, you know, I just want to be happy, I want to be successful all the time, I said, that’s impossible to have. You know, to be happy all the time, to be successful all the time. How do you know the difference if you haven’t failed, if you haven’t pushed yourself, if you haven’t had sadness, if you haven’t had grief, if you hadn’t have, oh my gosh, how am I going to pay for this? Those moments make you solid, they make you strong, they make you trust yourself more. And, and you know, you talked about the fact goal setting. One thing that I want to add though, People listening. When you achieve your goal, please, please pat yourself on the back. Celebrate, give yourself credit. Don’t celebrate so long that you get camped and you get, you get complacent, but celebrate. Make sure. I’ve interviewed so many successful people in my life. I know so many people that are, you know, worth hundreds of millions of dollars to people that are worth, you know, they’re, they’re, they’re dollar heirs. They’re not even thousandaires. They’re, you know what I mean? And the variety of people, the reason I bring that up is everybody’s, everybody’s got the same stick. They just want to be heard, they want to be appreciated. And at the end of the day, everybody’s got the same challenges. Money doesn’t fix, just doesn’t. Maybe it gives you more access to things, but you got to work on that six inches between your ears. Celebrate your wins, that’s the next success. And then start moving forward. Right. And if somebody brings up to your success, don’t go and poo poo them and say, oh, that was months ago. Say thank you, I appreciate that. And then relive that moment for a quick second. Move on.
[01:01:02 – 01:01:04]
Right, right. And do it again.
[01:01:04 – 01:01:11]
Right. Don’t. My point is, is don’t take your win and just downgrade it.
[01:01:11 – 01:01:12]
Correct others.
[01:01:12 – 01:01:13]
Right.
[01:01:13 – 01:01:18]
And don’t leapfrog over it. I completely agree 100%.
[01:01:18 – 01:02:07]
So we’re going to touch on your book Reinvention, Rebellious Success and the cathartic process is what I labeled this segment. Why? Because I believe writing a book is very cathartic. When I wrote my book, it literally I kicked myself in the pants. I patted myself on the back from one, one page to one chapter to the next to realize that there was things that I hadn’t really celebrated, there was things that I really hadn’t addressed. And it was a realization. So it was an emotional roller coaster for me. I would never trade it in. I loved it, but it was five and a half months of constant everyday work on it, along with dealing with my editor publisher. So what was it like for you? I know you’re still in the process of writing your book, but what has the process been like? Can you share?
[01:02:08 – 01:04:13]
Yeah. So one of the things my. And obviously won’t have time to get into it today, but I promise I’ll come back. And my TEDx, I did touch on this a little bit, but I created six leadership pillars that came out of my rise of in hockey. And, and the reason I bring this up is I, I knew I always had a book in me. I knew that and after I did my TedX, I, I wanted to write the book. I just didn’t know what about. And is it from a personal memoir angle or is it from a business leadership angle or is it from a professional or a personal development self growth angle and why. And in my mind I’m like why does it need to be? Or on any of those. So my first leadership pillars go to the experts. And so I found an expert which was an author. I respected her book that she wrote. Her name is Michaela McKenzie. She wrote the book the Future of Feminism and Sports. And I reached out to her and we created this great relationship. I didn’t know that she was a ghostwriter and so I chose to hire an expert to help me bring this book out of me and help me write the book. So Michaela helped me ghostwrite the book and that’s how another how. So I went to the expert, she helped me. And then, and then I’ve been learning about the publishing side and so the book was, the manuscript was finished in October and then I submitted it to several different hybrid publishers. I chose to go hybrid and because I wanted to retain my intellectual property and, and have help promoting and things of that nature. So the process was, oh my gosh, learning so much. Very cathartic because I’m being interviewed over and over and over again and then I’m reading the drafts and changing and re interviewing and some of it was hard, some of it was really hard and I took that. My book is creative NonFiction. It’s a three legged stool, rebellious success. It’s part memoir, part self growth, part business leadership.
[01:04:13 – 01:05:08]
Yeah, it’s. And for the listeners or viewers, I’m sorry, there’s just too much stuff to, to cover. But that should excite you to come back to another episode, right? Or even better, go into the show notes@giveaheck.com and find the picture of Tony and go down and read the summaries and the chapter summaries and all the links will be there so you can go check out this wonderful lady and everything that she’s doing to help other people out. She’s got a good go check the website out, register for a preview look of her book too which is going to be coming out right away. So simple little email, right? Put it in, check out the site, put in Google, Tony will and you’ll see lots of great information. And yeah, you need, you owe it to yourself to fill in the gaps that I’ve left and I Apologize for that.
[01:05:08 – 01:05:12]
That’s all right. We just. We hit it off, so it’s easy to keep talking. I’ll come back.
[01:05:13 – 01:05:27]
I appreciate that. I want to ask you what principle that you’re writing about in the book would be the one that, you know, continues to guide you today. What would be the number one principle?
[01:05:28 – 01:05:58]
You know, I think the number one principle is tied right back to the. The title of the book, which is, there is no one right way to define success for a person. There’s no one singular path. You can create your own path and. And be successful. You can be different and be successful. And so that’s. That’s the whole message and the whole purpose and. And, yeah, that there’s no one right way.
[01:05:59 – 01:06:08]
And that’s perfect. That’s exactly what I want people to hear. Quit defining your life inside fixed walls.
[01:06:09 – 01:06:10]
Exactly.
[01:06:10 – 01:07:07]
Realize, yeah, you can. You can go outside the walls. There can be a gray area in your life, and you can still enjoy everything about your life and realizing that the rules that we live by, the learned behaviors or created by humankind to control us, it’s not necessarily good control. Dialing it back to What Tony said, AA is 100 years old. Do you think it needs a revamp? I’ve been. I’ve been involved in aa, not for myself personally, but as a sponsor to take people to it. And I know it’s broken. It’s got some good points in it, don’t get me wrong. But my point, though, is that we have to evolve, and the things that are taught to us don’t necessarily have to be our de facto standards. So learn to live outside the outside, the solid black and white, and venture into the gray. There’s so much more of the world of gray than there is in the Black and white.
[01:07:07 – 01:07:11]
100%. 100%. That’s. And that’s that growth mindset.
[01:07:12 – 01:07:27]
Yeah. And I love it. So. So, Tony, if you could leave our listeners with one message that proves it’s always worth giving a heck and never giving up about growth, identity, and purpose, what would it be?
[01:07:29 – 01:08:05]
You know, I was saying, so when I step on stages and I get nervous once in a while, it doesn’t happen often, but when it does, my husband, he’s the person I go to for, you know, cheerleading, comfort, support, and he tells it to me straight, and he’ll always say this to me, so I will pass this wisdom along. He says to me, tony, just be you. And so that’s what I would pass along to the listeners. Just be you and don’t try to change to be anything that you’re not. You’re good enough. So just be you.
[01:08:06 – 01:08:40]
I love it. Right. Like our fingerprints people, we’re all unique. Let your brightness, let your light shine and those that are willing to accept your light, accept who you are, good, bad and indifferent. That is going to be the best tribe that you’re ever going to create. It doesn’t have to be family. It doesn’t have to be your current associations. You can evolve and change and grow and you can have those people be left behind by choice. Your your choice was to grow. So good for you. Congratulations. So Tony, what’s the best way that people can reach you?
[01:08:40 – 01:09:08]
Tonywill.com I there’s the newsletter that you mentioned. Drop their email in there. There’s also you can connect with me on there for speaker coach. I do complimentary discovery calls. I answer all my own emails. I do have an assistant but I, I, I like to be hands on with my anyone that wants to reach out to me. I’m also on LinkedIn. I’m on all social media but LinkedIn I’m very active on at Tony Lentini will and Instagram.
[01:09:08 – 01:10:11]
I’m Tony William and again for those new to the Give a Hack podcast you can go to GiveAheck.com, go to the top pick podcast. You will see a picture of Toni. You will see a summary of the show. You’ll see chapter summaries, you’ll see all her links to social media to her website as well as the full unedited transcript. Why do I do that? Some people like to read. It’s shocking but I started doing that already 200 episodes ago. So you’ll find everything you need to reach out to Tony and and check out her great work. Like unbelievable how much we never got through yet I feel like we had such a fantastic, you know conversation where so much nuggets of good growth for people and information and knowledge that this we we having this conversation you might be that spark for them. So thank you for investing your time with me. I really appreciate it. Is there, is there any last thing you want us to add before I wrap up the show?
[01:10:12 – 01:10:14]
No, other than I’ll be back.
[01:10:15 – 01:11:23]
That’s awesome. I appreciate that. So Tony, thank you for your honesty, your leadership and for example you were setting in professional sports and beyond. I truly appreciate you being here again. For those that are listening or watching today, if this conversation on executive leadership, alcohol free performance, resilience and intentional living resonated with you, I encourage you again to go to the website, check it out, connect with Tony Right. You owe it to yourself. To our listeners and viewers, thank you once again for investing your time with us today. I do not take this lightly. You invested your time and I so appreciate it. I hope this made a difference for you today. Please subscribe to the Give a Heck podcast on your favorite platform and leave a comment or review. It helps the show grow and allows more people to discover conversations that challenge them to step up and live with intention. Until next time, live a life on purpose and not by accident. And remember, it’s never too late to Give a Heck.