Noah May shares his powerful journey through depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation starting at just 13 years old. In this raw and honest conversation, he opens up about isolation, mental health struggles, and the turning point that led him to speak out and help others. This episode delivers real insight into breaking stigma, finding purpose, and why speaking up can change lives.
🎙️ Give A Heck Podcast
From 13-Year-Old Depression to Saving Lives: Noah May on Mental Health Anxiety and Speaking Up
🎧 Episode Overview
Episode 291 features Noah May, a journalism graduate and podcast host who opens up about battling depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation starting at just 13 years old.
Growing up feeling invisible and disconnected, Noah carried his struggles silently for years. From early depression to anxiety that became physically debilitating, he reached a breaking point that nearly led to hospitalization. What changed everything was a decision most people avoid—he chose to speak.
This conversation is a direct and honest look at mental health, stigma, and the consequences of silence. More importantly, it is a reminder that speaking up is not weakness—it is the beginning of change.
🔥 What You’ll Learn in This Episode
- What depression feels like before you understand it
• How anxiety manifests physically, including nausea and weight loss
• The impact of isolation and feeling invisible
• Why suppressing emotions worsens mental health
• The turning point that changed Noah’s trajectory
• The stigma men face around vulnerability
• How speaking openly creates purpose and impact
⏱️ Chapter Summaries
00:00 — Mental Health Reality
Opening discussion on depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation.
02:00 — Feeling Invisible Growing Up
Noah explains what it was like being an outcast despite a stable home.
06:30 — Family Background
A deeper look into his upbringing and identity.
10:00 — Depression at 13
The early onset and confusion around mental health.
13:30 — Diagnosis Without Expression
Being diagnosed but choosing silence.
17:00 — Escaping Through Distraction
Using content to avoid reality.
23:00 — Anxiety Turns Physical
Severe physical symptoms and near hospitalization.
29:00 — Breaking the Silence
The moment everything changed.
34:00 — Purpose Through Pain
Turning struggle into impact.
40:00 — Masculinity and Suppression
Why men stay quiet—and the consequences.
50:00 — Final Message
You are not alone. Speak.
💡 Key Takeaway
Silence feeds suffering.
Speaking creates connection, clarity, and change.
🔗 Continue the Conversation
👉 https://giveaheck.com/podcast-detail/ken-kunken-paralyzed-legal-career/
Ken shares how resilience and mindset helped him rebuild a meaningful life after a life-changing spinal cord injury.
👉 https://giveaheck.com/podcast-detail/michele-defilippo-writing-legacy/
Michele explains why documenting your story matters and how writing creates clarity, growth, and legacy.
👉 https://giveaheck.com/podcast-detail/turning-grief-into-story-how-journalist-john-dedakis-writes-through-devastating-loss/
John discusses transforming grief into purpose through storytelling and processing loss in a meaningful way.
👉 https://giveaheck.com/podcast-detail/dr-laurette-willis-new-age-to-jesus/
Laurette shares her journey from addiction and New Age practices to faith, identity, and transformation.
👉 https://giveaheck.com/podcast-detail/drifting-through-life-purpose-direction/
A solo episode focused on recognizing life drift and regaining direction through intentional living.
👉 https://giveaheck.com/podcast-detail/aaron-ryan-podcast/
Aaron shares how one defining moment shaped a purpose-driven life and led to long-term creative success.
🧩 Key Themes Discussed
- Mental health awareness
• Depression and anxiety in youth
• Emotional suppression vs expression
• Identity and belonging
• Personal growth through adversity
• Speaking openly to help others
👤 About Guest
Noah May is a journalism graduate from Auburn University and a podcast host focused on real, honest conversations.
After battling depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation from a young age, Noah chose to speak openly about his journey to help others feel less alone.
🤝 Connect with Noah May (click below to access)
🌐 https://noahspodcasts.com/
📘 https://www.facebook.com/713902225134300
📸 https://www.instagram.com/thenoahshowww
💼 https://www.linkedin.com/in/noah-c-may
🎵 https://www.tiktok.com/@thenoahshowww
🐦 https://www.x.com/noahspodcasts
▶️ https://www.youtube.com/noahspodcasts
🤝 Connect with Dwight Heck (click below to access)
🌐 https://giveaheck.com
🎙️ https://giveaheck.com/podcast
▶️ https://www.youtube.com/@GiveAHeck
📘 https://www.facebook.com/dwight.heck/
📸 https://www.instagram.com/give.a.heck/
💼 https://www.linkedin.com/in/dwight-heck-65a90150/
🎵 https://www.tiktok.com/@giveaheck
🎧 Listen and Watch This Episode
👉 Listen to Episode 291 on your favourite podcast platform
👉 Watch this episode on the Give A Heck YouTube channel
🙌 Final Thoughts
Noah’s story highlights something many people experience but rarely articulate.
Moving from silence to expression is not just personal—it creates impact for others who are still struggling quietly.
📣 Call to Action
If this episode resonated with you, share it.
Subscribe, leave a review, and continue choosing to give a heck.
Full Transcript:
[00:00:00] Dwight: what would you want them to carry with them?
After this conversation ends, what would you say to them? About giving a heck and never giving up
[00:00:10] Noah: to Don’t feel alone and feel like what you have is rare. That there’s millions and millions of people worldwide that are going through the same thing that you are personally going through, and that you’re not alone.
Welcome to Give a Heck. I am your host, Dwight Heck, and for much of my life, lived my life in quiet, desperation wondering how I was going to pay the bills, take vacations, save for retirement, and one day wondering if I would get off the hamster wheel of life and have purpose, a life that most of society lives, which takes us to work, then home, then repeat, and pays us hopefully enough.
Just to survive the harsh truth that most live with more months than money and have no idea how to live life on purpose, not by accident. This ensures the mass majority are living not just financially broke, however, emotionally and mentally as well. Due to financial pressures and each episode, I will introduce you to thoughts, ideas, and guests that can help you to learn how you too can live life on purpose, not by accident.
[00:01:20] Dwight: This episode covers depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. Have the crisis line ready if needed, 9, 8, 8. Suicide and crisis Lifeline. Call or text nine eight eight in Canada or the United States. And really at the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with having to reach out to communicate with somebody if you’re struggling.
So we’re gonna start this episode of the Give a Heck podcast. What does it take to keep going when your mind is telling you that you should not? What does it look like when a young person’s carry something that heavy, completely alone and finds a way not just to survive? It, but it turned it into something that helps other people survive theirs.
Welcome back to the Give Back podcast. I’m your host, Dwight Heck, here to help you live life on purpose and not by accident. My guest today is a recent journalism graduate from Auburn University and the host of three podcasts on paper. That sounds like a straightforward success story, but the road that got him here was anything but straightforward.
Noah grew up in Alabama. Started battling depression at 13. Developed anxiety at 18, felt like an outcast. There were most of his younger years, and reached a point where he contemplated ending his life. He came close to being hospitalised. He carried all of that quietly for years while telling himself he was not good enough.
Today. He talks about it all openly because he knows there is someone out there right now who is sitting exactly where he wants was and refuses to let them sit there alone. Noah, welcome to the Give a Heck podcast. Thanks so much for agreeing to come on and share with us some of your life journey.
[00:03:10] Noah: Thank you again for having me.
I’m excited to come on here and share my story and just have a really good open and honest conversation. So thank you again for having me.
[00:03:19] Dwight: Oh, you’re welcome. I look forward to it. Thanks for, thanks for wanting to come onto the show. I appreciate that. So, no, I always like starting at the beginning because our origins absolutely shape everything in our lives.
People don’t take it serious enough, but I think when people hear our origins, they’re better able to connect with us. To hear our message Right. That we’re trying to share. So take us back to what it was like growing up in Alabama. What was life like as a kid? What were some of the earlier experiences that quietly shaped your, your life and how it unfolded?
[00:03:56] Noah: Well, growing up, I, I’m from kind of the boondocks of Alabama. I live up in kind of the countryside is what you would call it. I lived in a. Single or a double wide home with my mom and my grandparents. And we had, multitude of pets that came and went during that whole, during childhood and growing up was just, very, very interesting.
I, I, my parents did a really good job of trying to, Raised me really well and tried to keep me to have a really good childhood. I had a swing set and a pool and a pool and a trampoline growing up. So I would always be outside in the summertime when it was warm. And during the wintertime I would always stay in, watch cartoons all day and would, play games and play with.
I was a huge hot wheel person. played with hot wheels all the time. I played computer games all day. I mean, it was just really good childhood growing up, but school was kind of a love hate relationship. I liked school for kind of the aspect of learning and going there to learn more about stuff, but my classmates didn’t really see me as.
A person, they kind of just saw me as kind of a ghost growing up. I was always kind of an outcast from them. I never really got to really play with them or hang out with them a lot. I always kind of just kept to myself. so I was pretty much seen as a, just kind of a loner. and this obviously transpired all through school with them, but.
When I, in elementary school, it started out in that degree of, seeing how they were gonna treat me for the rest of my career. So it was the seeing that was just kind of the start of what I was expecting to experience for the, for the rest of my life with them, was being seen as an outcast and just kind of seen as a ghost.
[00:06:07] Dwight: Yeah, looking, looking from the outside in is, is painful. I had a lot of the same experiences. I may be quite a bit older than you, but I had a lot of the same experiences that you explained Noah, right? It, it’s, it’s unfortunate love, hate relationship with school. There’s more people out there than you, than you and I realise that have gone through the same circumstances, so I’m, I’m certain.
What you’re gonna share today is gonna help a lot of people. So when you, when you talk about being the outcast or being that er, Ex what did you, what did you, so you say you played outside when it was nice out inside. You played games, watched cartoons. What else did you do to cope? Did you have, was was, you said you lived with your grandparents and your mom.
Was any one of your parents or grandparent part of me, super supportive. Did you have a network of people that you could at least, because I know I, myself, when school was tough because there was bullies or I, there was things that went on. I’d go home and my mom was my solace. Did you have that solace?
How did you cope and deal with that up to, up to now?
[00:07:20] Noah: I had a really good support system from home. My grandmother was a hundred percent one of the more supportive, one of the most supportive people I know. before she passed, she was a hundred percent there. I had a lot of good memories growing up with her.
We were both animal lovers. We would buy any kind of animal book from bookstores. Like any kind of book, if it was like a brochure, if it was a thousand pages long. I mean, we just bought everything that was, had any kind of animal in it, and we would just look at those books over and over again every day growing up.
That was just what we loved. And that’s just what we did all the time. My mom and my grandfather too were very supportive of, what I was going through. My mom and I have a really good close bond, because I didn’t have my father at all growing up. so my father was, Kind of a criminal growing up.
He sexually assaulted my mom when, she lived by herself and that’s how she got pregnant with me was from that. So I was actually conceived through a sexual assault. And so we don’t really know who my father is at all. so I never really had that full support. Masculine father love that I was supposed, that most kids dream of happened.
but my family tried their best to try to keep it normal. That it won’t, that it really wont to make it out as this, that you’re in a very odd predicament that this is something that’s really out of the ordinary. This is just really. Odd. They wanted to keep my childhood and my growing up as normal as they could.
and of course it wasn’t until about 12 or 13 when I started noticing about my father and started noticing about some of the truths were starting to come and come out. And of course my mom eventually did tell me about my father later in life, but they really wanted to keep it. Normal growing up.
’cause I didn’t want to think that. Well, we, you were brought in through different circumstances. They didn’t wanna make my childhood really based around that. They wanted it to stay like fully for me. So they just kept everything normal. Like it was a hundred percent, like everything was fine.
[00:09:58] Dwight: So when you, and that, and that’s typical for people that love us.
They wanna shelter and protect us. I went through that under not similar circumstances, but under circumstances I can understand. And so can many people that are listening or watching relate to the fact of how our loved ones want shelter us and they want to, sometimes it can be smothering, sometimes it’s not conducive to us.
Continue to be forward and, and move healthy. Like be healthy in life. So, you said 1213, so that’s when depression set in. That is so young to be carrying something that, that heavy. What did it feel like? Like how did you realise it was depression? Did somebody talk to you or was this a realisation that when you looked back that you realised you had, you were in a depressive state at that age?
[00:10:49] Noah: When I first got depression. I had no clue what it was, and it was mainly the fact that we had not been taught about mental health at that point, and it wasn’t really talked about enough. This was about 2015, maybe like early 2016 when this all kind of transpired. And so this was still kind of a taboo subject and they, they didn’t really teach the assistant school yet.
We eventually did, but. I guess at 13 or 14, I guess I didn’t want to talk about it at that age ’cause it was a little too graphic or it was kind of a really graphic subject to really talk about for middle schoolers. but when I first got it, I didn’t really quite know how to react to it. I didn’t really know what I was going to.
Say or, do, ’cause no one else in my immediate immediate friend group that I had was showcasing any of the same kinda things that I was dealing with. And this was just down all the time. There was a lot of factors that kind of led up to the depression though. my grandmother had got sick with dementia and Alzheimer’s at the time, my.
I was starting to get really bullied again during that school year. I was starting to hang out with a lot of people that, would tend, you tend to be like more of the, the rebels, rebellious crowd. So I hung around that and started to really kind of become rowdy and would just be outwardly too, and.
It was just a whole multitude of things. I also had like a bad porn addiction at the time and all this stuff just kind of fell on top of each other and I didn’t really know who to turn to, to talk to. ’cause I thought, well I don’t wanna talk to my mom about it ’cause I don’t know how she’ll react.
My friends probably are not gonna believe that I have what I have. They’re gonna be like, what? So I was kind of in a, kind of in a gridlock of like, I don’t know who to go or turn to talk. With about what I’m going through. So I just kept it bottled up. I just kept it to myself. I didn’t really talk about it with anyone or discuss it with anyone or anybody.
one day my mom had actually watching on me watching pornography ’cause I didn’t know the rules about watching pornography. You’re apparently, you’re not supposed to watch in the middle of the day facing the door. So I was like, learned my lesson from that. but after that, after she called me for two hours, I just vent it to her and told her everything that was going on and she said, okay.
Well I appreciate you for finally opening up. She said, I’ve been suspecting that you’ve been not yourself for the past few months. But I didn’t wanna assume anything. I wanted to wait till you said something. ’cause I didn’t want to bring this on to you and make you feel like, think that I had assumptions about you and about all this.
But so she was happy that I finally went to her and she said, we’ll go to the doctor. We’ll see what he says and we’ll go from there. so we made a doctor’s appointment. We went in and he was like, oh yeah, you have depression. There’s no guarantee. There’s no doubt in my mind got it. And so I was officially diagnosed with it at 14, but I started having signs of it at 13.
So, and after I got diagnosed with it. I just didn’t really know how to react to it. I, I was like, do I tell people I have it? are people going to make fun of me for it to, or laugh at me ’cause I have depression and that it’s a crippling thing. it was like, do I keep this secret?
Keep this like a huge secret. I, I think I did. I don’t really remember talking about it as much with a lot of people that were, that I was going through. I may have told one or two people that I was really like at the time that I felt real comfortable with, but for the most part, I think a lot of people never knew or learned that I had some kind of mental health aspect going on.
[00:15:06] Dwight: Well, I’ve, I’ve suffered with stuff myself throughout my life and the stigma of. Not knowing how people are gonna respond or react, it actually closed me off more, right? It, it made me go more into myself and suffer more from depression. because it, it’s tough to, unfortunately, society gives us an impression of what somebody that’s going through depression and or anxiety.
Sometimes you’re, you can go through both in the same moment, right? People don’t understand that that it, you can go back and forth and I found that. It got worse. It got worse. And I just become more introverted, more not wanting to share whether or not I had, somebody that was asking me what was going on.
Like your, you had conversation with your mom. it’s, it’s a struggle. Those listening are watching, it is, there’s a lot of people suffering from depression and there’s people out there that can help you. You don’t need to feel like you’re trapped and alone. Just, find that one person that you know that can be a good listener.
That’s what I recommend. Have people in your life that you, you can say to them today, I just need you to listen. I just want you to give me solace. I don’t want you to give me advice on how to, how you think I can fix my problems or who you can talk to that can help fix my problems. I just want to.
Release, and sometimes that helps. I don’t know if you found that, but I found that if I was able to communicate and share the depression wasn’t as bad. How was that for you? Like what, what, what were some of the things that you ended up utilising to were, were you medicated at all? Were you somebody that tried it, didn’t like it, found, what was your thing that, what was your deal that helped you cope to where you are now?
[00:16:59] Noah: Well, I immediately, after I got diagnosed with it, the doctor gave me a lot of recommendations for what to do. he put me on some medicine for it. He recommended me going to a therapist, but I was like, therapist is for crazy people. I’m not quite there yet, especially, it was that mindset that I had at the time.
And so I was like. I’m not cuckoo yet. We’re not there at that point yet. so he gave me some medicine. He did diagnose me with, clinical depression. and this was more of like, for people that don’t know, it comes and goes, there’s really no pinpoint of like, oh, it’s going, you’re gonna have depression at this time, every day, every year.
I could have it for a year, depression free for nine years, have it back for five years, have it free two months. That’s just how it is. So he said it’s gonna be hard to pinpoint when it’ll spark up again. So he put me on some medicine. The medicine we went through, I think about, I know hundreds of medicines ’cause they would work at first and then they would start to wear off and it would get put on a stronger.
Excuse me, stronger medicine that would work for some time and then it would slack off. And so, that was just kind of what we had to deal with. We had to do a lot of, check-ins as well of, I think every time I went to the doctor we had to do like check-ins with my mental health, see how, where I was and see what was going on.
My mom, obviously at the time, she was like, if anything ever happens at school to where you’re starting to feel these thoughts again, tell me, do not keep it hidden for me like that ever. so there wasn’t really anything that really gradually helped during that time. It was just a lot of trials and tribulations of like trial and errors of.
Doing multiple things. something that really helped a lot was YouTube at the time. ’cause it was just kind of an escape for me. I just kind of blocked everything that was going on with me personally and just focused on that. And in my mind would just be focused on that and I would not be anywhere, I wouldn’t be worrying about anything.
Um, music also helped a little bit during that time. Um. A little bit. It actually played a bigger role later on, but at the beginning it was, it, it helped somewhat, but YouTube was a huge factor at first, um, because it was just kind of like an alternate reality that I was going to and escaping. And it was just kind of a way for me to escape the real world and the real, um, thoughts that I was going through and.
Be able to miss not focus on what I’m personally going through. I can just laugh. It
[00:19:50] Dwight: was a great distraction for you.
[00:19:52] Noah: Yes, it was a huge distraction and um, helped me really stay kind of motivated and kind of keep me calm.
[00:20:00] Dwight: Well, you get to pick what you watch, right? So. Mm-hmm. I, I, I under, I find though with YouTube, ’cause I love YouTube as well, there’s a lot of great education.
There’s a lot of negativity, just like any social media platform. ’cause it is a social media platform. It’s just portrays it differently. Right. Being a search engine as well. It’s a big search engine, but it’s, it’s definitely. Analy Itri. It is run by an algorithm. It’s, it’s pretty noticeable ’cause it feeds you up what you’re, what you’re doing.
so I find YouTube can be a great uplifter, but it also can be a rabbit hole too. So, I’m glad you found something that helped you, helped you during those times. but unfortunately. It can be a negative too. Wouldn’t you agree that social media, YouTube can be, it can cause people to spiral even farther, especially in today’s day and age where tech, where there’s so much plethora of information, global information for you to tap into.
[00:21:01] Noah: Well, yeah. it a hundred percent can, and I’ve witnessed it too, and I’ve been, I’ve fallen victim to it as well. I’ve a hundred percent have fallen victim to that.
[00:21:12] Dwight: Yeah, it’s, it’s something that people that are listening are watching. You need to be aware. What are you feeding your brain? What is your associations?
Again, associations just for those that are new to this show, those that listen or watch for a long time. Noah, talk about this. Associations just aren’t the fact that Noah and I might know one another. That’s a, that’s a person association, but what association? Of music, what kind of shows do you watch?
What kind of social media people do you follow? Do you find yourself being drawn into the rabbit hole of negative music, negative TV shows, movies, YouTube videos, whatever. And you mentioned that it’s, it, it, it, it’s easy to get caught up in the trap of using that as our support network. It is a great, it can be a great tool, but hopefully whoever’s listening or watching realises it’s easy to get caught and get trapped and get drug into more negative things.
So be aware of what your associations are. What do you associate with beyond people? What do you do every single day? What kind of books do you read? It affects how you comment. Conversation. It affects everything in your lives. If you constantly feed negative into your brain, it doesn’t know the difference between a truth and a lie.
So look for information that is more factual, that you can have others tell you which truthful, maybe a, a parent, a grandparent, professional, right? If you need help finding good content. Look for the right person to help you, right? You don’t have to be on your, you don’t have to be alone. And leading into that part, you have spoken openly about reaching a point where you contemplated taking your own life and came close to being hospitalised.
I wanna ask you about this directly. Obviously this is a sensitive topic, but something that I believe matters and it needs to be shared with people to understand that we’re all human. We all have weaknesses and trials and tribulations, and we can fall into that circumstance where we figure we’re better off not being around that would be better for us, better for others.
What was happening in your life when that happened? How did it, how close did you actually get, can you share that circumstance please?
[00:23:35] Noah: Yeah, so the hospital incident almost happened, senior year of high school. Mm-hmm. I had just turned 18. I started waking up with really bad nausea spells and to the point where I would actually throw up and vomit this.
For no reason. And we thought, we thought it was the flu or some kind of stomach bug that was going, that was being passed around. ’cause this was around flu season and so this was during January or February. usually when. Normally when I would get sick every year, it was not, it was like clockwork.
so we didn’t think anything of it. We just thought, oh, I have a stomach pug. We’ll just stay home for a day or two. Well, this kind of persistently happened for weeks and weeks and we were, we were just like, this is, something’s off. Something’s not right. So we went to the doctor and even the doctor was kind of stumped.
Was just something that you never wanna hear your officer say is like, because then you go through the whole thing of, oh, I have something that’s not been diagnosed yet, that’s not been clinically proven. I don’t know. So I was like, yeah, I can’t. I was like, no. So, but he’s not, but that doesn’t mean there’s not something wrong.
There’s obviously something wrong here ’cause you’re obviously waking up. You’re vomiting for no reason, your stomach’s in pain. He, of course, he started asking me 500 questions. He was like, well have, have you noticed any mood changes? Has your depression been good? Is school going okay? And he was asking all these questions about in the past of checking in, of like.
Has anyone been bullying you or making you nervous or anxious all this time. I said, no, no. Everyone actually was actually treating me fairly nicely and fairly well at that point. And he said, was there any classes that are difficult? And I said, well, other than one class, not really. And so he, he said, okay.
Let’s try this. let’s see if it is something school related. What I want you to do is I just want you to stay outta school this for one week and see, let’s see if that’s causing it. Well, surely enough I didn’t have one Spell that whole week. So we went back and I said, okay, well I don’t know what’s causing school-wise.
And I’m like, surely enough, one class would not be causing all this. ’cause I’ve had hard classes in the past and it’s never done this. Surely enough it was, and that’s when I first got diagnosed with anxiety. He was like, I did do some more research and about this. ’cause I was, I was stumped about what was going on and I wanted to see if I could find, and he said, I think you have anxiety.
And I thought, well, well, well, well, well, because at that point I knew about anxiety and depression and, mental health at that point. And I thought, I thought anxiety was. You couldn’t breathe and you had like something here in your chest. And he said, well, that’s usually what happens. But he said, there are some circumstances where people do have anxiety attacks in the form of nausea and vomiting.
And I thought, love to be the minority. Just love to be the 0.1%. So I said, well, what do I do about it? How am I supposed to. Go about living life now with this. And he said, well, if you wanna be homeschooled, I a hundred percent would recommend that this will help, stop it. If you think being in homeschool and staying home would actually help you stay, grounded and actually will help you stay pretty calm.
Collected and not have these nauseous pills. And I’m for that. obviously we’re gonna put you on some medicine, we’ll do some extra testing and extra thing counselling if you need it. if you need me to come by the school and help try to give you like a doctor’s note or come in and talk to them about why I’m pulling you out, I can.
so, but luckily we didn’t have to do that ’cause COVID took care of that. So, but we were. We’re only close, but I was, I was on desk door. I had lost 20 pounds. All the muscle mass in my body had gone. I was just, I was really skin and bones at that point, and I think if I would’ve waited any longer, I would’ve probably would’ve ended up in the hospital, probably on iv, and probably would be having to get some nutrients put into myself of trying to get some more energy and strength built up.
[00:28:43] Dwight: So what shifted? What caused, what was the shift besides the pandemic? Making it so you could be at home. Not that you wanted to, but it was, was forced on us. What shifted from you, you just being in that survival mode? 20 pounds, right? Lost. Skin and bones What, what, what happened? What shifted in your life to change, right?
So that you went from being in quiet desperation, which I talk a lot about and coach a lot about, and lived it myself. What took you outta that quiet desperation?
[00:29:18] Noah: It was about a year and a half into college that I really started doing that change. I decided I just didn’t wanna stay quiet anymore. I wanted to be a voice and be open and honest about what I’m going through, and I wanted people to be open and I thought, I want people to hear what I have to say and have hear people have people know the truth.
So I. Just started sharing my story with people I opened up and was like, this is what I’m going through. This is what’s happening. This is what I’m dealing with and facing with. you can take it with a grain of salt. You can either support me and stay with me or do whatever you want.
- It didn’t really do a lot of change at at first because my classmates at that point just didn’t care. they were very much. They pretty much had shunned me outta life after that. And even this, of course, this was year or two after graduation had already commenced. So they had already moved on with their lives.
They had already moved on to bigger and better things for them, and they had moved on to other opportunities. So they, majority of them didn’t really hear or probably. Hear any, any of that that I had to say. So we just, we never really fully, I never really heard anything from them. I had some people comment about, well, I never imagined that that would be something you would be going through.
never imagined that. And I thought, well, if you would’ve talked to me, you probably would have.
So, it was a way for me to just kind of be open and honest with myself. as the years went on, a lot more people started appreciating my open and honestness about what I was going through, and they were really, they appreciated that I was. Just very open and was really truth telling about what I was personally going through, and they were so happy that I did so, it always, it ended up working out on the very, very end, but at first it was just, I was starting to think that it was just a huge waste of time.
[00:31:33] Dwight: Well, yeah, so college was the trigger. For you to feel differently. When we look back or we go back a little bit. And when you talked about school and that one class being a trigger for you, did you find though, when you got to college and you had some of these realisations and you started being open and and sharing more, did you find that, because college is different in high school, right?
It just is, was the classroom environments more conducive to you being able to control your, your mental awareness of where you were?
[00:32:11] Noah: Well, at that point it was interesting because I had pretty much learned kind of what my triggers were for my mental health at that point. I had learned a lot about, What to look for if I was starting to have really bad anxiety spells, depression spells, and I knew what to do when I was starting to have one of those dark times, I always knew like, okay, I need to,
Let people know that this is what I’m going through and that, looking back, I’m, I’m, I’m always like, I get embarrassed a little bit because of like, did my whole, did this whole thing happen? ’cause of one class and one professor from high school like you, when you really look at it, it’s like, this is where it all stemmed from and this is where it all began, was from one.
Teacher from years ago. And even looking back now, it’s just like, it’s embarrassing to see that oh one person, most people get depression, anxiety from death in a family, from a traumatic experience that they’ve encountered. Divorce, loss of a child, women get depression through, postpartum and all this.
I got depression and anxiety from a class. And I mean, looking back, it’s just embarrassing to really say the cause of why I got it, but there’s nothing I can really change and do about it Now. It’s, it’s in the past. I can’t change the past. So it’s just something that I’ve had to live with every day from, I,
[00:33:55] Dwight: I’d wear it as, I’d wear it as I don’t know if it’s the right wording, but a badge of honour because you’re willing to share.
That most vulnerable point in your life. Right? So I personally would, would wish upon you that you don’t feel embarrassed about it, that you see it as a light for other people. That somebody could be listening or watching this or any of the other shows you’ve been on, and you may be that strength that they’re looking for.
You may never know. Right. You may never know how your own podcast helps people, your podcasts, or how your message resonates, but I wish for you the gift of not feeling embarrassed about it. Right. That it, that it is a, that it is, it is an honourable thing for you to be vulnerable because you most likely have helped somebody already without even knowing.
That gives me comfort. Right? So that’s why I say I wish for you that you don’t feel that way anymore because it, it really, I appreciate you sharing it, right? That vulnerability and, and what you’ve gone through and that awareness of the fact that you were going through two different things. Because when you’re suffering and got diagnosed with anxiety, the depression doesn’t go away.
It, it doesn’t. Right. It may hide itself. Like you said, you went through valleys and you don’t, with clinical depression, you don’t know if it’s gonna, how many years you’re gonna suffer and you could be fine. And then it hit, it falls on you like a, a brick. Right? And it hits again, I find anxiety can be the same thing, right?
That we just don’t take it serious enough. and so whatever triggered it, whether it was that class or that professor. Whether or not somebody gets triggered because they’ve a postpartum or a death in the family doesn’t discount or take away from the fact that you’re, what you went through was real to you.
And I guarantee there’s somebody else that it’s real to them. So again, thank you for sharing that. I appreciate it. Noah. one of the things I wanted to talk about though, too is depression and, and suicidal ideation still carries a lot of stigma, especially for. Young men, and I do know young men, as I’ve talked about, that have committed suicide or contemplated it still around.
Thank goodness they were able to get the help that they needed before they did something, and created that tragedy for their family and obviously tragedy, them being gone. Did you ever hesitate or decide that when you were gonna go public and start talking about your circumstances, did you ever hesitate or wonder like.
Why am I doing this? Why am I putting myself through this? What was that push that made you realise it was good for you to come out and do what you’re doing today?
[00:36:46] Noah: It was kind of therapeutic in a way of being able to come out and say, this is what I’m going through, because a lot of men have that kind of. Thought or that kind of viewpoint of, I’m supposed to bottle it up. I’m supposed to keep it hidden. I’m supposed to keep it pushed down because it’s, excuse me, because it’s something that,
I’m not supposed to talk about. I don’t want people to show, see the soft side of what I’m going through because it shows that I’m weak or shows that I’m not strong or it, it, it just ruins the reputation that they’re supposed to persuade. And so I, I break that and I just was like, no, most men are not like that.
Nine times outta 10, the person, the guy that you’re talking to is probably going through something at home right now. He is just doing a really good job at hiding it because I think a lot of men do tend to have a good way of hiding, the truth about what they’re going through, and they don’t really open up and talk about it as much because they don’t want people to think that they’re weak or that they’re just, he’s little weaklings and wanting sympathy.
I, I think that they want people to see them as tough guys that, oh, nothing gets me down. I have tough skin. I, I can power through the whole day. No problem. No, that’s definitely not true.
[00:38:26] Dwight: Yeah. I find societal norms about young boys, young youth, young men. There’s so much stigmatism surrounding the fact that.
And it goes back generations, as you’re probably aware, young boys shouldn’t cry. They should be tough. Oh, tough it up. Who cares if you bashed your finger? Who cares if you closed your, your finger in a door, whatever, suck it up. And, and little girls were continually told that they should let it all out, which in some regards.
They weren’t taught emotional regularity. Young men were, weren’t taught emotional regularity, and we sat back and we just sucked it up. And a society, it is shocking in today’s day and age how much of that stigma is still surrounding young men and, and the fact of being vulnerable and sharing their emotions.
So congratulations. For being somebody that is gotten past that. And not to say you’ve gotten past your challenges, gotten past the fact that, you know, you wanted to hide, that you wanted to be in the shadows. ’cause you talked about that earlier, the shadows, right. You just, I’m, I’m impressed, right? There’s not a young, a lot of young people, young adults, your age, that are willing to put themselves out there to either respect or ridicule, because we can get both, can’t we?
[00:39:50] Noah: Mm-hmm.
[00:39:51] Dwight: Right. Like, what are you trying to, yeah, what are you trying to accomplish, Noah, why are you doing this? Right? It may not say it to your face, but there’s whispers of, of why we do what we do and why we are vulnerable and share. Did you have people that are, that have been, non-supportive of you, that have been your driver to be successful?
[00:40:15] Noah: Not to my knowledge, the, a lot of the people that I surround myself with are supportive of what I do. I tend to not associate with a lot of my non-supporters. So there probably are people that I have been taught to in the past, maybe are not supportive of what I do now, but I don’t really support what they do either.
So it’s kind of a agreement on both sides. We just don’t support one another, To my knowledge, a lot of the, my friends are real supportive of what I’m doing and opening up about talking about mental health and everything. just being a spokes per person for it. to my knowledge, I don’t know of anyone close to me that hasn’t said that they’re not fully supportive.
So I’m pretty sure that there are people out there not, not supportive of me, you
[00:41:03] Dwight: don’t need to, you don’t need to hear about ’em.
[00:41:07] Noah: No,
[00:41:08] Dwight: I agree. So you went to school and you went through journalism. Was that path to be a a, be a journalist, have anything to do with wanting to be able to share your story, to share what you’ve gone through?
What was the drive to get into journalism?
[00:41:27] Noah: So journalism was kind of an interesting story of how I got into it. So I originally went. To, well, when I was in high school, my high school was very strict about trying to get us to really double down on a major, just because by the time it came to college registration, it’d be an easy process for them.
They didn’t have to do extra work, and they didn’t have to fool with you longer than they need to. so of course I was like. I don’t, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I wanna do. So I decided to look around and at the time I watched a lot of talk shows and watched a lot of clips of them online and I thought, that’s what I wanna do.
I thought that looks fun. I said, that might be a job for me to do. So I looked up like. What it takes to be a talk show host. What degree do you have to go? What major do you major in? And they said journalism. And I thought, okay. So I ran with it. Never changed my major once. I just ran with it. And a lot of people were like, are you sure this is what you want to go in?
And I think when they heard journalism, they knew me as the shy person. as of course someone that didn’t really open up, they’re like, that’s funny. I think when they heard journalism, they’re like, that’s a funny one. And they’re like, they probably, that’s probably what got a lot of people to finally notice me and talk about me.
’cause when I said it, they’re like, the quiet kid wants to become a journalist. They’re like, what that involves Right. the qualifications, the major journalists you have to talk and open up and not be shy. So, That’s kind of how I got into it. It was actually before a lot of my depression anxiety really spiked again.
so it didn’t really drive, my mental health didn’t really drive me to become a journalist. It was actually this kind of like
[00:43:23] Dwight: the desire for talk. Yeah.
[00:43:26] Noah: Yeah. So what an amazing story came from interest. So that’s how I into it. I love that. And it was like I ran with it never changed at all. I was like.
Even in my third or fourth year, I was like, I’m not changing it. I’m too far in now. If I screwed up, I screwed up. I’m like, so
[00:43:41] Dwight: was it a good anchor for you? Was it a good anchor for your mental health?
[00:43:45] Noah: I was
[00:43:45] Dwight: like in
[00:43:45] Noah: a positive way. I would say it was, a lot of the kids and I met at Auburn were really nice.
They were real supportive of, we were all supportive of one another. They actually would talk to me in class and I would talk to them. It was just like. This was the love that I was thought, why couldn’t high school been like this? Or like, why couldn’t my classmates been like this? It was just kind of like a huge 180 of like, this is a huge change of how, this is how my school life should have been seen.
A hundred percent noticed and shown that I’m not some kind of. Hunchback of Notre Dame type thing, where it’s just like, quasimoto. I think that’s what people saw me as and they’re like, it was like kids get away from him. He’s dangerous. that’s kind of like, how they perceived me as, but when I went off to college, it was just different.
people noticed who I was and. Roommate. My roommates also would talk to me as well. It was just, there was just a huge change. It was just different of like growing up I felt, now this is what I really wanted childhood to be like this. So it, it sucks that it took as long as it did to finally get that, but it came in a really good time.
It came in a perfect time actually.
[00:45:11] Dwight: That’s awesome. That’s fantastic. Like, but you know, things happen for us, not to us. So, you having that realisation and, and that community at school and realising that that’s what you wanted from your childhood. But if that wouldn’t have happened, you wouldn’t be here today to share your message, to help others.
’cause there is people, I, I’d be willing to bet money that your story already resonates with them and they’ve moved on and taken that first baby step. Right. I, I, I, I am firm believer that people that are willing to share their, their tough challenges, their character building moments in life, and then what’s it like on the other side, right?
It helps people because so many people are feeling alone today. Don’t you think?
[00:45:58] Noah: I feel like for this year especially, it was just, I think a lot of people were becoming more. Open and supportive of one another, and in this year it is just like we’ve turned like our backs on one another. Again, it’s just like what happened?
There’s just been a change in just how people act Now this year for some reason I’ve seen it is, it’s weird, but I think when it comes to. Supportiveness and openness of being able to talk about this stuff, I think has gotten a little bit more supportive and a little bit more like generally people are more open to talk about it now, but yet again, it’s like now we’re back in that stigma of people are now starting to bottle back up again of keeping his hidden, not really wanting to open up and share what they’re going through.
So I don’t really know. Really what they’re, really another direction of what they’re wanting to go in or go down what’s going to happen in the future. But I would say that we’ve kind of had like a little bit of a step back just from my vantage point on a mental
[00:47:11] Dwight: health. On a mental health side. Yes.
[00:47:13] Noah: Yeah, some people might have different opinions on that, and that’s completely fine. If you, if you think that there’s a change, I a hundred percent would love to believe and hope for that. But I just, for personally, for me, I just feel like people are a little bit more judgmental now again
[00:47:32] Dwight: Oh
[00:47:32] Noah: yeah.
Compared to, maybe, compared to about maybe a few months ago. A year ago,
[00:47:37] Dwight: or maybe they’re more vocal. Maybe they were always judgmental. Sometimes judgmental people hide in, hide in the shadows themselves until, until their pressures and, and dis and life gets so bad they now become that person that’s extroverted about their displeasure.
But yet they always had displeasure, right? So I find that people suffering from depression, anxiety too, sometimes deflect. They deflect on other people when their circumstances, their lives aren’t necessarily going the greatest. And based on that, I’ve got a couple more questions and we’ll wrap up the show.
And there’s a lot of people listening, watching whether you’re, I don’t care what age you are, if you’re suffering depression, anxiety. this isn’t, this question isn’t specific to ignoring you. This is specific because of Noah’s age, right? So for young people that are listening right now, maybe a teenager, maybe a college student, maybe someone who is never told a single person what they’re carrying, what is the one thing, Noah, you would want to say to them the most today?
[00:48:49] Noah: I would say to this. open up and share what you’re going through. Don’t keep it bottled up like a lot of kids do, because keeping it bottled up really breaks you down and really tears you apart. You want to get those bad thoughts out and you want to get those emotions and what you’re going through throughout.
So do, do not keep it bottled up. Find someone that you are most comfortable in talking to and share what you are going through with them. Because you never know they might be going through the same thing.
[00:49:24] Dwight: Yeah, exactly. And again, back to other people that aren’t a young person in your, in your forties, thirties, forties, fifties, even older, it’s never too late to address your circumstances, to talk to somebody to get help.
It’s not, don’t be ashamed. It’s not something you should be embarrassed about. Noah talked about it. I’ve been there, right? Big age gap. But him and I have a lot of commonalities. He’s just the, I’m just farther into the journey than he is. Right. And I constantly work on myself and I constantly wish that for all of you listening or watching and for Noah, of course, that you continue to grow, that you continue to feed your, your brain, which is a giant computer, doesn’t know the difference between a truth and a lie.
Feed it more good information, associate with better people. The people in your life could be that person, like for Noah, that professor in a classroom. Right. You don’t have to necessarily understand all the dynamics of why that trigger happens, but if you know that something’s triggering you, try to avoid it.
Find, find a way around it if possible. And if you can’t figure it out, talk to a professional, get some help. You are worthy. You are seen more than you realise, right by those that love you. But they can’t help if you don’t ask. Right? And even if it’s somebody that’s a stranger, they can’t help you. If you don’t ask, right.
Sometimes we need to remove doubt and open our mouth and speak right. This is where I’m at. And Noah’s stories today has been absolutely fantastic. got one last thing I wanna ask you and then we’re gonna wrap up. Noah, if you had to leave our listeners with one message that every single person listening today, whether they’re struggling right now or they love someone who is, and they don’t know how to help them, what would you want them to carry with them?
After this conversation ends, what would you say to them? To about giving a heck and never giving up
[00:51:27] Noah: to Don’t feel alone and feel like what you have is rare. That there’s millions and millions of people worldwide that are going through the same thing that you are personally going through, and that you’re not alone.
That someone in your immediate circle, someone that’s living in the same place as you, in the same building or in the same building with you right now, is probably dealing with something personal that you would never imagine. And another thing would be to don’t, don’t hesitate to get help. Get help. Don’t be like me and have that stigma of, oh, it’s for crazy people, it’s, it’s not.
It’s for everyday people. Those resources are there for a reason, so use them the best you can and don’t hesitate of getting help. Get it when you can. ’cause once you do, you’ll be very appreciative and grateful that you did.
[00:52:26] Dwight: Thank you so much for sharing that. That’s a great closing message. Noah, where can people find you?
What’s the best way to reach out to you? obviously to find out about your podcast, better opportunity to talk about Lethal Ben, but where can they find out more about you? What would be the best way?
[00:52:44] Noah: the easiest way to go to, would be to go to my website. it’ll be noahs podcast.com. It is my first name, N-O-A-H-S-P-P-O-D-C-A-S-T s.com.
There it’ll have all my social media accounts as well as all my podcast links to where it’s all available on there. And just some additional stuff on there. just so going to my website would just be the easiest way to find all, all the information about my socials and where all the podcasts are available.
[00:53:11] Dwight: Great, thank you for those new to the Give a Heck podcast. Go to give a heck.com. Go to the top hit podcast it will open up and you scroll down and see a picture of Noah and there’ll be detailed show notes with summarising the episode along with all his social media links and his website links so that you can easily access.
Noah, any final words before I wrap up the show?
[00:53:35] Noah: just thank you for having me. And I think, and thank you for having a platform for people like me to come on and share my story to really showcase it. It’s okay to talk about mental health and that it is something that a lot of people need to be more open and vocal about.
So, thank you again for having me and I hope to my listeners that, To whoever listens to the episode, learn something from it, and that, it’s never too late to start your healing process in that healing journey.
[00:54:03] Dwight: Exactly. Thank you so much, Noah. Thank you. Genuinely, it takes courage to talk about what you shared today.
I do not say that lightly. You do not have to go back to these places publicly. You choose to because you believe someone out there needs to hear it. That is not a small thing. That is everything. For everyone listening today, I want you to hear something clearly what Noah described, the feeling of not being good enough, of not belonging, of reaching a point where he could not see a way forward.
That is not weakness, that is a battle. And the fact that he’s sitting here today talking about it out loud, building platforms so other people do not have to fight alone. That is what giving a heck looks like when it costs you something. Real. If anyone in this conversation touched something in you, pardon me.
If anything in this conversation, touch something in you. Please do not scroll past it. Reach out to someone, a friend, a family member, a counsellor, or if you’re in crisis right now, please contact the 9 8 8 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can call or text at anywhere. The US or Canada, you do not have to carry this alone.
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I look forward to reading your comments. This has been Dwight Heck. If you want to check out other podcast episodes or today’s show notes, please check out my website. Give a heck.com, and until next time together, let us all strive to give a heck.