Recalling Every Day: The Gift of Total Memory Recall with Frank Healy
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to remember every single day of your life in vivid detail? In this fascinating episode, I sit down with Frank Healy, one of only about a hundred people in the world with hyperthymesia – an extraordinary ability to recall autobiographical events with incredible precision.
Frank shares his remarkable journey, from discovering his unique gift as a child to becoming a licensed professional counselor and author. We explore the profound impact of memory on our emotional well-being and overall life satisfaction, as Frank offers insights from his 40+ years of experience in counseling and coaching.
Key Takeaways:
- The origins and manifestations of Frank’s hyperthymesia
- How extraordinary memory abilities can be both a blessing and a challenge
- Strategies for healing from painful memories and embracing a more positive outlook
- The importance of self-compassion in personal growth and resilience
A Life of Exceptional Recall
Frank takes us through his experiences growing up with hyperthymesia, including:
- How he first realized his unique ability at age 6
- The impact on his education and social interactions
- Balancing the benefits and drawbacks of exceptional memory
Healing Through Understanding
We discuss Frank’s journey to become a counselor and how his experiences have shaped his approach to helping others:
- The creation of his “Heal Your Memories” book series
- Techniques for processing and releasing emotional attachments to memories
- The power of reframing negative experiences for personal growth
Achieving Stress-Free Success
Frank shares insights from his latest book, exploring how to:
- Balance ambition and relaxation for optimal well-being
- Incorporate mindfulness practices into goal-setting
- Find joy in the journey, not just the destination
This conversation is packed with fascinating insights into the nature of memory, emotional healing, and personal development. Whether you’re curious about extraordinary cognitive abilities or seeking strategies for your own growth, you’ll find valuable wisdom in Frank’s unique perspective.
Don’t miss this opportunity to explore the incredible world of hyperthymesia and learn how to harness the power of your own memories for a more fulfilling life. Tune in now and start giving a heck about the extraordinary potential of the human mind!
Connect with Frank Healy:
Website: https://www.healyshealing.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Memoryhealing
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/frank-healy-1aa95227/
Connect with Dwight Heck:
Website: https://giveaheck.com (Free Book Offer)
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/give.a.heck
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dwight.heck
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/Giveaheck
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LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/dwight-raymond-heck-65a90150/
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Chapter Summary(Full Unedited Transcript at bottom)
00:00:03
Introduction to Frank Healy: The Man with Hyperthymesia
Frank Healy, one of about 100 people worldwide with hyperthymesia, can remember every day since age 6. He recalls dates, personal events, and news with extraordinary detail. Frank has participated in research at the University of California and uses his gift in counseling and writing self-help books.
00:03:16
Frank’s Origin Story: The Birth of His Extraordinary Memory
Frank’s memory ability began at age 6 during a week-long illness. By memorizing a calendar, he developed the skill to remember dates, events, and emotions. This unique ability shaped his life, leading him to pursue psychology and counseling to help others heal from their memories.
00:07:11
The Nature of Frank’s Memory and Its Impact
Frank’s memories are equally vivid for personal and external events. He can recall specific dates and calculate others. This ability affects his emotional experiences, leading him to learn techniques for managing negative emotions associated with memories while preserving positive ones.
00:11:38
Challenges and Growth: Navigating Life with Hyperthymesia
Frank discusses the challenges of growing up with his unique memory, including difficulties in school and social interactions. He learned to adapt and use his gift positively, eventually becoming a counselor and author to help others heal from their memories and manage stress.
00:18:50
School Experiences and Adapting to Social Situations
Frank shares his experiences in school, including being a teacher’s pet and learning to adapt socially. He discusses how his memory affected his education and interactions with peers, and how he learned to navigate these situations as he grew older.
00:27:39
Emotional Regulation and Personal Growth
Frank explains how he developed techniques to manage emotions associated with memories. He discusses the importance of adapting to different social situations and finding commonalities with others. Frank also shares how his unique ability has shaped his approach to counseling and writing.
00:37:38
The Impact of Associations and Overcoming Challenges
Frank discusses the importance of associations in personal growth and overcoming challenges. He shares stories from his books about people who have overcome significant obstacles, emphasizing that no one has to be “scarred for life” and that healing is possible.
00:54:50
Writing as Catharsis and Helping Others
Frank talks about how writing his book series “Heal Your Memories, Change Your Life” was cathartic for him and allowed him to help others. He shares stories of people overcoming various challenges, emphasizing the power of resilience and personal growth.
01:03:32
Stress-Free Success: Balancing Achievement and Well-being
Frank discusses his latest book, “Stress-Free Success,” which focuses on achieving goals while maintaining emotional well-being. He emphasizes the importance of finding a balance between relaxation and accomplishment, and enjoying the journey towards success rather than just the end result.
01:09:41
Closing Message: Self-Compassion and Never Giving Up
Frank’s final message emphasizes the importance of self-compassion in never giving up. He encourages listeners to have a positive self-image, handle criticism constructively, and remember that they are bigger than any bad moment they might experience.
Full Unedited Transcript
[00:00:03 – 00:01:48]
Good day and welcome to Give A Heck. On today’s show, I welcome Frank Healy. Frank is one of about a hundred people in the world who has hyperthymesia. He can remember every day of his life since he was 6 years old. He is now 64. What he can recall includes the day of the week and what each day was, personal events and significant news. Frank has participated as a research subject at the University of California, California because of its extraordinary memory. One aspect of having this memory is that he recalls all the emotions of all memories and relives them. This includes unpleasant memories. Frank has had to learn how to release the feelings from the bad memories. Frank has over 40 years of dedicated practice in the fields of counseling and coaching. He has become a trusted guide for countless people on their journeys toward healing and personal growth. As a licensed professional counselor and author, he helps people with depression and anxiety and heal their past and also helps people with stress management and achieving their goals. Frank has written a self help trilogy called Heal youl Memories. These books include self help exercises on healing your past and inspirational stories of people who overcame life challenges. Frank additionally has written a memoir of his experiences having amazing memory. He has his latest book, Stress Free Success is about how to remain stress free while you achieve your goals. I’d like to welcome you to the show, Frank. Thanks so much for agreeing to come on and share with us some of your life journey.
[00:01:48 – 00:01:50]
Yes, it’s a pleasure to be here.
[00:01:51 – 00:03:16]
I look forward to our conversation. Our pre conversation before I hit record was fantastic. I like your reference about Saddam Hussein and Mother Teresa. Maybe we’ll get a chance to share that with the listeners as well. Because it’s always nice to make people think they get stuck in a hamster wheel and their their life is go to work, go home, get paid and their mind just is not getting fed. And it being a giant computer making people think, hmm, having that aha moment or that moment where they think something’s black and white but actually it’s got some color right, but it’s got some changes and differences. I look forward to you sharing that with people. So Frank, one of the things I start out with, as I mentioned before we hit recorders, I start out with a person’s origin story because it helps people be able to connect better with you, to understand that you’re just like them. You’ve gone through your trials and tribulations. You may have a very unique gift, but you still had to ride the waves of society and family and everything else that goes on. So please do me a favor and share your origin story from your earliest recollections to where you are today. And obviously having the memory that you have, it’s going to be. I can imagine you can pinpoint things way better than most people would. So please share me your origin story, whatever you feel comfortable with.
[00:03:16 – 00:07:07]
Okay. What started out when I was not quite six years old in February, March 1966. I was homesick from school for a week with the chicken pox and. And then a too sick to be even up, playing with toys. And so I had a calendar that my uncle, that Billy down the street had given me for that year. And I would sit there or lay there in bed, look at each block of a date and picture in the block and play what would be on primetime TV that night. And I played the coming on tune in my head. For instance, for I know Wednesdays and Thursdays were a little bit tricky because Batman was on both of those nights. So for Wednesdays, I’d picture Batman in the square and Thursdays Robin, and I’d play in my head the da na na na na na na na. So I was saying it was Green Hornet on Fridays, Wonderful World of Disney on Sundays. And for each day of the week, I had something the monkeys on. And so. And I realized by the end of that week, by the time I was well enough to go back to school, I had the entire year memorized like I would. You know, I knew that the American holiday of Thanksgiving was going to be on the 24th that year. I knew that my birthday, May 21, would be on a Saturday and Christmas would be on a Sunday that year. And from that week forward, I made mental notes all day of what date it is when things were happening. For instance, many people who are around then that year and old enough remember we had a blizzard on Christmas Eve. And maybe they’d remember that because of one had occurred. But I also remembered a couple months later, February 6th and 7th, we had another snowstorm. And you know, and so the day. So it’s the day of the week as well as personal events, weather and news events that happen. Like, I guess the first big news event I remember attaching to a date was on June 6, 1968, a Thursday, when Senate American Senator Robert F. Kennedy died. He had been shot. And after winning on the fifth, after winning the California primary, was running for president. And so that’s how it went on day after day, year after year. And it’s like when I in my teenage years or even tween years, when I got Old enough to listen to a lot of music, I’d remember the. The date that I first heard each song. And. And it’s interesting. I even remember the dates that I learned things like when I was studying at California. One thing they asked me is when was the Beatles last concert? And I said it was Monday, August 29th. Last American Concert, August 29th, 1966, in Candlestick park in San Francisco. And then one of them asked me, you’re only six years old. Did you know that then or did you learn it later? And I said, no, I didn’t know it then, but I can tell you the date that I learned about it. Friday, October 6, 1978. I was a freshman at La Salle University in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and I bought this Beatles book from the school store. So I learned it that day.
[00:07:11 – 00:07:30]
That’s amazing. So are the memories more concrete? I’ll let you finish a second. It’s got one question though, in between that. Are the memories more defined or concrete in your mindset when it’s personal to you, or is it the same whether it is an external event like Kennedy versus your own personal?
[00:07:32 – 00:10:34]
Well, I would say they’re equally. They’re equally as vivid. Like, my wife tells me that I remember the dates of all my past doctor appointments, even. Even routine, routine everyday things. That might be a good example of that. Where if she went to the doctors without me accompanying her, I wouldn’t remember that because it has to be something in my personal experience. So that. So that’s a big part of it. And, you know, so. But another interesting question they asked me at the university, they gave me two dates to see if a date within my lifetime, just a few years before that date, like that was Wednesday, February 9, 2011, that I was studied there. UCI Irvine, California. So first they asked me December 17, 1835, and I said a Thursday. And then they said March 12, 2006. Yeah, that was a Sunday. And I remember it was sunny out and I went to. I drove over to visit a girlfriend who I was sort of trying to hold on to. And, you know, so. And then they asked me, was there any difference in the way you calculated those dates? And. Well, yeah, I said that the March 12, 2006 one was more like time travel and the December 17, 1835, Thursday one was more a calculation because what I did for that one is I compared years, okay, 1835, like 1931, like 1987 and 2015. So it would have been a Thursday. And so. So there is slight differences, but it’s now it’s, it’s all quite vivid. And getting back to your question, Dwight, I, I don’t perceive a big difference between personal versus because even finding out about the news event is still a personal event. Find learning about it. Yeah. I’ll give you a very recent example. Wednesday, November 6, 2024 When I woke up and it was a sunny, extremely mild day, it hit 81 degrees in Philly for a record for the day. And I was. When I found out that Trump had just won the presidential election, I thought, I don’t even know what to say. I’m not even going to follow politics anymore. So it was kind of a not, not real good feeling.
[00:10:35 – 00:11:37]
Oh yeah, that’s. Of course it wouldn’t be like I look at everybody’s. We talked about the personal and the, you know, the heartfelt connection. For those people watching, they see me putting my hand on my chest and then pointing up to my brain our thoughts and our personal feelings and stuff. Regardless of what happens on an emotional event, it’s still something that is shocking. But most people can compartmentalize and though whether they do it intentionally or not intentionally, they push bad events away. Maybe it’s that election, maybe they just, they look at something that’s negative and they can automatically deflect a positive, but that thought is still in their brain. Are those thoughts in your head always on overdrive? Are you able to, like when you think a specific date, it’s not always swimming in your head, obviously. You just have a great recall to be able to index things that people only wish they could from specific dates and time.
[00:11:38 – 00:14:08]
Yes. Well, it’s. Well, that’s what, that’s one thing that got me interested in learning psychology and helping people because I not only hold on to the facts of a date, but I hold on to the emotions too. So I wanted to learn since I knew I was never going to let go of any of these memories. So I figured it would be nice to at least be able to let go of the emotions associated from the negative memories because I guess many people might remember the death of a family member or a friend or getting fired from a job and they’ll conveniently push that out of their mind and probably. But. But it all just, it all just sticks. So I had to learn to. I wanted to keep the good feelings from the good memories, but let go of the not feel such tense, such intense, strong emotions from the bad memories. Like, you know, like, guess I’ll give you two days, 10 days apart, one really good day and one really crappy day Saturday, May 1, 2010. My wife, I saw some clients and the counseling clients in the morning and my wife called me and said, don’t come to our house when you leave. Come to our mom’s house. Next thing you know, there were family, my family, visiting them. Then we got back to our house and she had thrown a surprise 50th birthday party for me. And it was a red hot day, more like July or August in like the beginning of May. And, and then. So I can still recall that day with fondness and joy. Then 10 years later, Friday, May 1, 2020. I had had some differences with the administration, the new administration that came on and the job I’d held for 10 years. And they found a way to let me go. And that was the day I had to go clean out my office. And, and that’s like, I think of that now with, you know, not with, not with intense feeling, just like my mild annoyance at best. So, you know, you know, learn how to, how to keep the good, but let go of the bad feelings.
[00:14:08 – 00:15:01]
Well, that’s fantastic. I’m, I’m glad for that because even though I’m just starting to get to know you, like I mentioned the research I did yesterday when I was putting together for this show today, I thought to myself, so many different things which I’ve written down to inquire about. But it has to be a challenge because, you know, when you’re dealing with family and you know, growing up at school and stuff was, did it ever become a challenge? Were you, were you challenged by teachers in regards to your education? Did you get picked on by kids? What was it like growing up, going into, going to school every day and then coming home to your family? Like, like obviously you had normal things. I’m talking about with your unique situation, your unique condition, how did it affect you growing up with family in school?
[00:15:02 – 00:17:50]
Well, I was with school. It was kind of a mixed bag. It was like, of course when people hear about that, they immediately think that I must have been one good student. Nah, it was good. Certainly I never had any trouble memorizing anything. But there was, it could also be a detriment because with so many facts and figures going on in my head, I was like an ADHD kid in some ways. It was hard to pay attention to what was going on in front, right in front of me. And so, so that’s why I was a good student when I went home and studied and memorized. But in the classroom it was kind of hard to pay attention. And I actually Never let any, anyone outside of my family know, you know, about this until the end of eighth grade. And the only I let them know about it then was because they were having a talent show for the last day of school. And, you know, mostly there was a mag, there was going to be a magic show, kids singing and playing electric guitar and all. But. So I thought, well, this would be something different. I’ll wow people with my memory. And I started to practice when the vice principal came up and told me, well, it’s a great talent that you have, but I think not every kid would appreciate it. And you might get some jeering and some paper clips flung at you. So I didn’t. So I wasn’t in it because of that. And, and I will say that it also, it all. It also caused me to be, like, slow to develop socially because sometimes I’ve had so much facts and figures going on in my head that it was hard to even pay attention to a conversation. So then people would get annoyed if I didn’t seem to be listening. Of course, to be in the profession I’m in now, a counselor, I certainly had to overcome that. And so I didn’t really block. I mean, I was well liked in the school, but kids who were impatient sometimes, sometimes would, you know, would get sarcastic and mean, like the way you’ll get if someone doesn’t pay attention to what you’re saying. And so it caused that. But ironically, once, for the rest of my school years after that 8th grade talent show, one thing it did was I got a lot of respect for being so smart. So I’ve never really been taunted or made fun of for my memory.
[00:17:51 – 00:18:48]
Well, that’s good. Was school. Because you talked about the fact, like ADHD tendencies and, and your ability to memorize and people thinking you were bored. Did it ever. Like, was school boring? Like, actually for you, as a question, was school boring? Because let’s say, you know, I remember my school days, you know, it’ll be back in the 70s and you got an assignment or review this for tomorrow. And your memory, your memory is remembering this stuff, and you’re ahead of the curve because most people are struggling when they’re in a young age to memorize. Like to memorize to remember anything, the story. And, you know, teacher says, hey, Frank, tell us about this and that, and it’s no issue for you, but for other people, it’s a struggle. And you’re, you’re already ahead of them. You’ve got it all made out and they’re still trying to figure it out. Was it a boring situation? Did you ever resent being in school?
[00:18:50 – 00:19:25]
Well, it was. Yeah. I will say sometimes that that did happen. Like, you know, I’d figure some out very quickly and, you know, the. And. And I was also a very, very. The best. Always the best reader in school when they’d ask kids to read out loud. I was. I went. And in fact, one teacher, I remember my 5th grade teacher told my mom at a conference that whenever I need something, just read without a lot of big production about it. I asked Frank to do it. So.
[00:19:26 – 00:19:29]
Well, that’s a good feeling, though. That’s a good feeling.
[00:19:29 – 00:19:50]
Yeah, it is a good feeling. And so I know being. And I was a pretty well behaved kid, so the endless lectures the teachers would give sometimes on you got to behave better and all. I tried to keep from rolling my eyes sometimes because I’d be thinking, why do I have to listen to this?
[00:19:50 – 00:20:36]
Oh, yeah, course that would. It would be character building at best. Because at one point in your life, you were in some ways superior or better than your educators in the regards to memory retention. They’d have to watch out because they could say something inadvertently because all. Sometimes we all get word salad or memory salad, whatever, and things get confusing to us. Whereas for you, it’s pretty concrete. You know, the information. You’ve memorized this experience, and they can’t really question you. Did that ever backfire on you from adults or did they. Were you accepted in most cases, all the way from all the way through school into going to college?
[00:20:38 – 00:22:02]
Well, yes, I was. I was mostly accepted because since I’ve always been sensitive to what’s going on around me, so if a teacher would get annoyed or something, like sometimes they’d want us to problem solve something. And, you know, I learned not to just blurt out the answer real quick because it kind of ruined their agenda. Yeah. So I learned not to do that. And I will say that I went through school being a chronic teacher’s pet. Yes, I was almost always one of their. One of their favorites. But I remember in middle school, which was called junior high back then, the teachers express how they like me. Fortunately, they did it in. In kind of a sarcastic junior highish way, because, you know, I mean, kid would get. A kid would get brutalized if the teachers are like, oh, Frank is so good. Such a good boy. So they do it more like everyone knew I was the smartest kid and be like, okay, now who else is going to flunk in here besides Healy? Or one time that’s funny. And another major life.
[00:22:02 – 00:22:05]
They were doing you a favor too, though, not just themselves.
[00:22:05 – 00:22:32]
Yeah, I’m thinking they were doing me a favor by doing. By relating to me like a kid that age would instead kid that age would like. Another time. We were in 8th grade social studies, in the middle of a test, the teacher came up and swatted me on the back with one. One crumble. Just one crumbled up piece of paper and said, slow down. Make it look hard.
[00:22:36 – 00:22:58]
That would make that. You know what, though? The rest of the kids around you, that had to. Some of them must be just like, I can’t remember, like what I read an hour ago, let alone get to that level of what Frank said. That’s not fair. Like, did you ever have circumstances like that where kids would bug you because you were that so advanced it could get things done so quickly?
[00:22:59 – 00:23:32]
Well, if you mean like kids wanting to always sit, sit next to me on the day of a test and wanting me to study with them, yes, I was that. It’s like they’d want me, you know, they tell me to do. But I remember sometimes when we’d have class debates, nobody, nobody wanted to oppose me on anything. I remember this girl in my neighborhood, teacher goes, ask Frank the question. And she said, I don’t want to do him because he’ll know.
[00:23:35 – 00:24:08]
You could have been like that kid in what movie was that? A super smart kid and he used to do other people’s homework and they’d pay him, like he’d meet him behind the, behind the school or whatever, and they’d pay for him to do assignments and stuff. If you were, if you were that type of kid, you could have, you could have made a. You could have banked a lot. There goes your comic book collection all the way up. Because Frank’s getting money selling English assignments or whatever that would have been. Oh, I could just imagine where you could have gone with your. Your talent.
[00:24:08 – 00:25:33]
Oh, yes. Well, it’s, you know, that brings up an interesting point because for years I. I question whether I should, whether I was studying the right thing in college and in the right profession. But when the university called me and then after a couple of phone tests where they’d throw out either dates or events, and I’d have to say either the date, it was day of the week or a date and tell them what happened. Like, for instance, March 24, 1989. Yes, that was a Friday, Friday before Easter, and it was the Exxon Valdez oil bill, something like that. And so after that, that night when they told me, okay, we want to, we want to have you over here and to be studied further. All those, you know, all those reservations that I was studying the wrong. Suddenly dropped because I realized that, yeah, this is not so much about being good with numbers as it is autobiographical. So. And so psychology is the right thing for me. And I had tried accounting my senior year in high school and well, no offense if you’re a financial advisor, but it bored me so much I swore I’d never take another course like that.
[00:25:33 – 00:25:47]
And I took accounting in high school too, and decided I didn’t want to be an accountant. So financial planning is a little bit more. See what people don’t realize. An accountant is a historian, right?
[00:25:47 – 00:25:48]
Yeah, they are.
[00:25:48 – 00:26:22]
They are a historian. I’m not. I talk to people about, I help them goal set, build their lives, budget goal set for their future for today and retirement and even their estate planning. So I’m very much proactive. I need to know their past to help understand their monsters, their, their emotional or, or financial monsters that have caused them to be where they’re at. But I’m very much a person that’s proactive, helping them move forward in the future. Where an accountant’s just always seeing the past. Right?
[00:26:22 – 00:26:23]
Yeah, that’s right.
[00:26:24 – 00:27:38]
So that’s why it bored me. I took accounting in grade 10, 11. I took some. I thought about becoming a chartered accountant and it. Because my dad originally went through school, become very successful in business, but he went and got his accounting diploma and he loved, he loved numbers, all the bookkeeping for his businesses and stuff like that. He was great. And I thought, oh, that’s what I’m going to be. I’m going to be like my dad, get my accounting, get, you know, take over his business or get my own business, whatever. But it just. Already in high school, my brain would just go. I just, it would. I couldn’t stay motivated or excited about doing it. Not that it was a challenge. I’ve always was good with numbers because my dad always taught me to use my brain. Right. Yeah. So, but that, that’s, that’s, that’s interesting how you bring that up, but the similarities. So what else would you say was interesting to you? And when you were in high school, what was your drive like? What really interested you? That you want to, that you weren’t willing to just stand on a mountaintop and shout out, this is what I want to be, or this is what I want to do, or did it take you a while to figure it out?
[00:27:39 – 00:28:16]
Well, I think I Had a hunch from an early age that I did, I did want to do something that helps people. And so, you know, and using everything I have, like right now, I mean, you know, my main job, I have private practice one day a week and a job counseling the rest of the week. And my books and being on podcasts and the fact that I was studied at the university, now I understood why. I mean I’m a man of faith and now I understood why God gave me this talent. I’m using it in ways.
[00:28:17 – 00:29:06]
Well, and you got a very. You know, it’s great that you’re utilizing that talent. You got a gentle way of presenting too, which I, which I thoroughly enjoy. You know, you’re not monotone, but you’re not so up and down and excited. You’re just very matter of factly so I appreciate that. Right. It’s. It’s obviously your culmination of especially all our memories from, for yourself from very young age to where you are now. And you’ve overcome things and you seem to be a person that’s very tenacious, that’s going to. Which I think is a superpower where people continually reinvent themselves and move forward, learn to adapt to circumstances, still be their best version, but be the version that needs to be presented to the world. So it seems like you’ve done a very good job of that.
[00:29:06 – 00:29:46]
Well, thank you. I appreciate that because I was so in my own head when I was younger and now, you know, I do my best to adapt to any situation. Like I mean, I can, you know, I mean I talk to educated people like myself in one way and. But I, I’ve had, I mean I’ve had friends who were more, more working class and I, I deemphasize any differences and just chat with them too. In a very. Always in a one to one I talk to anybody, try and do in a one to one like we’re equals.
[00:29:48 – 00:31:26]
And really we all are. Take out our. Take out our. And take out our intellectual. We all cut. When we get cut, we bleed. When circumstances happen that are really harsh, we maybe cry. Sometimes we need to be held, other times we need to be left alone. It doesn’t matter if you’re. You are an Einstein or it doesn’t matter if you were. It doesn’t matter what spectrum. You look at Galileo do you look at, look at Alexander Bell, look at all the different people in the world and they’re int. Intellect but they still had their struggles. They still had things that were going on and that’s awesome though. That you can adapt. I’m, it’s the same way for me when I’m speaking to people that are in, in the poor, poor, you know, lower middle class that are struggling, I communicate with them on their needs and their feelings. Before we get into the intellect of their numbers, I need to connect to them. And then there’s people that are very high end, wealthy, seven figure, you know, multiple seven figure net worth people that need a different level of conversation. So I need to pivot to adjust to the person that needs me to communicate at their level. And most people don’t think about that. So obviously you have. How, how, how do you think, how important is it though for what you were just talking about for us to be able to deal and serve others if we don’t have the ability to understand their, their circumstance? And I guess we’re going to put it as. Some people will chuckle it as dumb it down. Right. Or raise it up.
[00:31:27 – 00:33:01]
Well, I think it’s some, I mean some people make their contributions more through, you know, through like helping the family or helping friends more through what they can do. Like maybe if someone is real good with computers but not real sociable. It’s like, well, everyone’s gathering on a holiday or having a party, they’ll be in the back room fixing someone’s computer who needs it and, or maybe a handyman who, you know, while they’re all having dinner, he’ll be outside maybe fixing something on the house and then have his dinner when he’s done. And so there’s all kinds of ways we can contribute and even on the. I don’t think this has been publicized much yet, but you know, most people know about introvert versus extrovert and I don’t think there’s. Except I do not believe there’s exceptionally clear lines between the two. So lately it’s been come up with. There’s a third category which I think I am called an ambivert. It’s like I can be sociable as long as it’s needed, but if I have alone time, I appreciate that too. So it’s kind of like. And I think Amber Verts, although they, they might have their challenges if they had to do either extreme for too long. It’s, you know, they’re good at adjusting to any situation.
[00:33:02 – 00:34:06]
Yeah, that’s sounds similar to me. And I’ve had conversations with people about introvert and extrovert and people say, well, I’m introverted with a side of extrovert or extrovert. I’m into like it, it gets confusing. You’re right. The lines are blurred. And I, and my response is, I am who I am. Sometimes I want to be extroverted and I can be in a crowd of people and then it’s like a clock. Three hours, three and a half hours. Okay. I’ve had enough time to exit stage right and just be me. Maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s just with a couple people instead of a room of a thousand or a hundred or whatever. So I can appreciate you saying that. We label each other, society labels us, whether it’s directly or indirectly. We get constantly labeled our whole lives and we just have to understand, are we going to let that label stick? Are we going to be our unique, general, you know, self, who we want to be and not worry about what we’re labeled?
[00:34:07 – 00:34:26]
Yes. Well, that’s. Well, that’s the thing. I think we can, you know, part of maturity and you can also make your life, make your life more pleasant and nice when you, when you realize that what most people think of isn’t going to affect your life at all.
[00:34:27 – 00:34:27]
No.
[00:34:27 – 00:35:00]
I mean, and I’m sure your family and your friends and then your boss at work at least has to like your work. And I hope so. Yeah. So it’s like. But I mean, if somebody, if somebody walks up, walks up to you and and maybe says make some negative comment about your appearance and you never saw that person and don’t even know their name, you know, might as well just brush that off. It’s not going to affect you, I think.
[00:35:01 – 00:35:03]
Exactly. I agree. Yeah.
[00:35:03 – 00:35:29]
I think this need to be long and to fit in was really sort of a Darwinian evolution thing from back in the days of cavemen and women. You had to stick with your tribe or else you get eaten by a saber toothed tiger. But so you had to be accepted by your tribe to not get through, thrown out and be alone and pray. So now you know. But now what most people think of.
[00:35:29 – 00:35:32]
You, there’s none of your business.
[00:35:32 – 00:35:39]
Yeah. None of your business. That’s right. I always like that phrase. Yeah, well, it’s so true.
[00:35:39 – 00:36:55]
We, we get so hung up on it. We spend our lives when we’re younger wishing, oh, I had. I wish I had a group, a huge group of friends. And then you get older and realize it. When you start to become more emotionally mature, you realize, why am I friends with that person? I feel, I don’t feel the greatest when I hang out with this or this group of people. And we started evolving. Some people don’t Some people devolve as adults. Other people, you know, some people will evolve and climb through life and they’ll realize who their tribe is, their tribal. Find them or they’ll find each other together. And you can have just a few select good friends and have a very purposeful life. Right. Because my whole, My whole thing with my giveaheck brand is how to live life on purpose and not by accident. So many people are trying to live other people’s lives or what their definition of their life should be by other people. Society where they just. They don’t have any self. They don’t have their self. And they’re always trying to. People, please. I was a terrible person for that. I don’t know if you’ve ever been that way, where I was always trying to please people and not pleasing myself. Now I find when I please myself, I please the people in my life more. That makes sense.
[00:36:55 – 00:37:37]
Well, yeah. Well, no, that doesn’t. That makes a lot of sense, actually, because when you’re just being yourself, people, whether they realize it or not, perceive you as low maintenance. So they’re more comfortable being around you because it’d be enjoyable and won’t be too demanding as it would with a needy person. So it’s kind of. So that makes a lot of sense, actually. And it’s interesting what you said about. Some people devolve. Most people evolve, but some devolve maybe some trauma like death of a spouse or something traumatic that happened to them and they just. And they just stopped caring about things.
[00:37:38 – 00:38:04]
Well, their associations, wouldn’t you agree, though, sometimes help them stay stuck or they can help them climb in life. Our associations are so important. So we can lose somebody. Like you mentioned that you could have lost a significant other. You could add some trauma, go on in your life, and your support network is stuck and that’s the network you plug into. And everybody says stuck.
[00:38:04 – 00:38:37]
Yes, in a way. In a way. It’s like we could look at the people. Look at the people. Maybe a good metaphor, a way to put this, is that think of, think of yourself or think of, think of others as ATM machines. And the ones that you don’t feel very good when you’re around, they’re the one. They’re the ATM machines that’ll only accept deposits, but the people who you enjoy and get along with and have fun with that you can make withdrawals from them.
[00:38:38 – 00:39:38]
I love that. I, I call. That’s a great analogy. I talk about, you know, the emotional tank that we have. Like you talked about earlier, some of the references you came to, I was thinking about people’s love languages. Right. And some people just. You’re able to connect with and give and take. Other people are an energy vampire. They just take, take, take. They just. There’s no. There’s no give and take. And. And as we age and we hopefully realize that we need to be with people, you don’t. You can’t live a life where you’re always expecting something back when you give. But it’s nice when you get it both ways. Sometimes in your life, it’s unrealistic to think you’re always going to have give and take with people because sometimes you’re the person that has something to give and their tank’s empty and you’re filling it up. The next time, it’s the opposite. And that’s what you want a healthy relationship to be, whether it’s a wife, husband, significant other, friend, work colleague.
[00:39:38 – 00:41:44]
Well, that’s the thing. It’s like, you know, I mean, to be able to assess where someone is. I find it amazing sometimes when me or somebody else might. Might be in a bad mood and everything. Then someone makes a demand, demand, offer. Well, to see. Not in a position right now to do that. Whereas. And the give and take is important. I mean, some days somebody might be okay, their tank’s good, and other days it’s empty and they need that full. Of course, I’ve used the idea of a emotional tank kind of in a different way. Like if you ever notice when someone. And maybe even we’ve all probably done this, sometimes a little thing goes wrong and you go ballistic. And it’s like. I think what happens is maybe you’ve already had an aggravating day at some point and your emotional tank is already full with aggravation or depression. And then some little thing might be the straw that broke the camel’s back. And seems like you’re overreacting, but you’re reacting to all the things you held in and didn’t let out. Say, if it’s a Monday morning, somebody who commutes to their job, you know, the toothpaste was all out and their hair didn’t go right when they tried to comb it. And. And that they had. They had a long weekend because someone was sick. Then they get on the bus and somebody stands on their foot the whole time. And. And so then. And plus the bus was a little late. So then they get out and it’s starting to rain when they’re walking into the building and they didn’t bring an umbrella and then they walk in at 9:05 and the boss sees them and says, you’re a little late, aren’t you? And then they just fly off the handle. Because it’s everything that build up.
[00:41:45 – 00:43:08]
Oh yeah, it’s. And we’re not really educated in our society as we grow up to be able to have gratefulness and gratitude for things. So some people can, we can reprogram our brain. It’s a giant computer, right. It doesn’t know the difference between a need, a part of me, a lie, and the truth. It does. It, it’s what we feed into it and what we attach to. This is a truth, this is a lie. So that person coming in and it’s raining out don’t have an umbrella. One person could lift their face up into the rain and go, oh, thank you God. You know, and see the beauty in the rain. And the other person meanwhile is like stomping their feet. So they’re just constantly climbing into more anger. They’re not climbing into gratefulness and gratitude. And you know, boss says, oh, you’re a little bit late. And it’s five after. Yes, I’m sorry. Unfortunately, there was a few circumstances that happened that, that’s why I’m late. I, I’m sorry. Thank you for being understanding. Now all of a sudden they open up a different communication with their boss. I’m not saying all of this is easy, but a person can practice to not have that. Like you said, that internal thing, all that anger is piled up where it explodes all over everybody.
[00:43:09 – 00:44:27]
Yeah, that’s, you know. You know. Well, that’s, that’s the thing. I mean, gratitude is a great way to, to neutralize any anger and upset you might have. Because really, anger comes from any thought that you’re being ripped off or shortchanged in some way. So the gratitude immediately can reverse that, you know, and so it’s important, I guess a lot of this, a lot of the stuff I’ve learned, you know, wisdom through all the years of having a good memory and remembering so much, so much of what, of what’s going on. And I think it’s interesting though, when I, when I counsel my clients, it’s like I don’t have to be a burned out empath to them. I mean, I don’t like if they get sad, I won’t get sad with them, but I’ll remember in my head a time that I did feel sad. So therefore I’m able to help them without wearing myself out with all that emotion. Emotion. Not, not. I don’t have to have it. I can use my memory to just remember what that felt like and. And inter. You know, help them appropriately.
[00:44:27 – 00:45:31]
Well, and that’s great, though, because being able to center on the fact of what your emotion you felt like at that time keeps you grounded where most people, just most people in the population don’t have that ability. Right. So obviously that would make you a better counselor as well. And, you know, congratulations to you. And, you know, you’re. You’re a blessing to your clients, being able to help them be able to relate, because I imagine even though that emotion from. Was from them, but if you’re dealing with somebody else, you could also say, hey, there’s similarities and commonalities here between client Sarah, client John. There’s some similarities, and because I can remember what Sarah went through, and there’s a little bit of commonalities, even though I’m new to John, it’s now made me a better counselor because now I’ve advanced and articulated myself and my mindset better, and now John’s going to benefit from it. Would that be something that’s happened within your practice?
[00:45:31 – 00:46:10]
Well, yes. I mean, that has happened a lot. I’m able. That happens a lot, come to think of it. Yeah. Where. And coincidentally, sometimes it happens. Like one client’s back to back. It’s like, well, I just helped Sarah with this last hour, and now I can help John with a similar thing. I don’t know whether it’s serendipity, where clients with similar issues seem to get lumped together in my schedule, but it does happen. Even if they didn’t, I would remember even a week or a month or a year ago someone who had that same issue.
[00:46:11 – 00:46:14]
And God has a part of that, though, too.
[00:46:15 – 00:46:58]
That’s true. You know, God helps me along and helps us all along, too. You know, it’s. That’s why. And I found that if you get really egocentric and, you know, because of my memory, sometimes my. My biggest. I guess I would say my biggest temptation and struggle sometimes as a Christian, has been swelling up with pride because I have this unique gift. But I found that when you swell up with pride, it can actually make you feel a distance from other people. But if you just, you know, see yourself as an equal to others, then you feel the kinship.
[00:46:58 – 00:47:05]
Man, nobody wants to feel like they’re with somebody or a group of people that are. That feel they’re superior to them.
[00:47:05 – 00:47:34]
Yeah, nobody. That’s why. Well, I’ll tell you a quote from my. My first of the Heal your memory series, Heal your memories, change your life. I pointed out that for that reason that you just said that there’s really no such thing as a perfect person because if someone was perfect, nobody would want to be around them because people would feel diminished and therefore that person wouldn’t be perfect because they wouldn’t be a perfect people magnet.
[00:47:34 – 00:48:02]
Of course. So you, as a person who you’ve evolved to be today at your age has. Has, like, you’ve mentioned teacher’s pet, you’ve mentioned other people. You got to make sure that they don’t feel like you’re superior to them. Has it affected relationships from when you were younger to where you are to now, where you’ve lost relationships because of your unique ability?
[00:48:03 – 00:49:10]
Well, I’ve. I mean, nobody has ever told me outright that they’re jealous of my gift. But. But I think it’s, you know, sometimes. Well, in junior high I was maybe just the fact that people knew I could do this. I was accused sometimes of being conceited because I think I had this gift and I wasn’t very sociable back then, so. But I’ve learned to meet people on their own level. And I think part of my spiritual evolution, it was that in order to love and care about people, I learned how to find even some slight commonality with anybody. Like maybe they might be different in all the obvious ways, such as. But if they had a similar mannerism or something to me, I’d think, well, there, see, I’m like them. And that can really. And that can help anybody, any of you, to increase your ability of connected, your connect. Sense of connectedness with people.
[00:49:11 – 00:49:37]
Absolutely. So you talk about being connected with people. One of the notes are wrote down here too. When you meet people that you know, whether they’re family, whether they’re friends, and you haven’t seen them in six months, do you, when you walk up to, let’s say, it’s a person’s name, John. You walk up to John, do you automatically remember their last con. Last conversation, or feeling you had with them?
[00:49:37 – 00:50:32]
Yes, I will remember that. It’s, you know, it’s. It’s really, you know, like I remember how, you know, what the date and at least one thing that we talked about and how I felt about talking to them. And I’m not like this anymore. But sometimes that caused me if, if the last conversation, I place too much emphasis on the end of the last conversations I’ve had with people. Like, like, say if I know this is. This is probably not going to happen. But say when we were ending this podcast, I said goodbye, it was a pleasure to be on your show. And you just went. And then the camera went dead. I’d be like, oh, wow. I don’t know, I just don’t feel good about him anymore.
[00:50:33 – 00:51:10]
Wow. Yeah, I can imagine it’s has, has been a challenge in certain circumstances, going to school and becoming that therapist. Has, has it been a big, like, help to control emotions and memories? Has that been part of it? Or has there been other aspects in your life that have helped you with that emotional regulation, being able to control it, keep the good, leave the bad. Has there been, is your therapy the biggest reason you’ve been able to control that or has there been other aspects that have helped?
[00:51:12 – 00:52:18]
Well, sometimes, like I’ll think of, if I start to feel a certain way, I’ll counteract it with a happier thought, like maybe a past memory or a positive thought about the environment or my life and myself. And I’m also a big advocate of this popular self help technique called the tapping solution. And it’s also been called eft, Emotional freedom technique. That’s where you, you tap on certain meridians where the nerve sticks out from the bones and that can act and when you focus on your bad feeling while you do it and it neutralizes it. So then you can, of course I can’t do that right in the middle of a session with a client unless I’m teaching it to the client and we’ll do it together. But it’s a good way to neutralize your feeling. Then you could, afterwards you could think about the same thing, but it just wouldn’t have the emotional charge that it did before you did.
[00:52:18 – 00:52:54]
I can imagine though, as a therapist, because of your unique ability, it’s helped elevate your game, elevate who you are as a therapist so that you can. Because you have so many different memories that you can tap into and you obviously have a great recall. And when you’re dealing with people, it’s giving you a good advantage as a therapist that other therapists, no disrespect to other therapists, but again, people coming to see you are getting a full meal deal. They’re getting the Sunday with the cherry on top.
[00:52:55 – 00:53:19]
Oh yes, they are. Because I recall because I’m always relating all the things the clients said to each other. So it’s easy for me to put a case together and get a whole idea of the person. And I’m not saying that it’s quick, it’s just easy because if I see a client for A long time. I’ll always be learning things about them.
[00:53:20 – 00:53:21]
Oh, yeah, of course.
[00:53:22 – 00:53:30]
So. So it is. So I mean, I can say I don’t think this is bragging. As if I agree with you and.
[00:53:30 – 00:53:32]
Say I don’t think you’re bragging. I’m asking.
[00:53:32 – 00:53:35]
Yeah, right. That’s right.
[00:53:35 – 00:53:54]
That’s good though. There’s sometimes we can be somebody that is simply stating a fact of what we bring to the table and other people will consider us to be brag, docious or bragging or whatever and it’s just. They’re just not your tribe anyway. That’s the way I look at it. Right.
[00:53:54 – 00:54:02]
Yeah. Well, that’s the thing. They’re not your tribe. I mean, you don’t hate them, you just choose to not be around them anymore.
[00:54:03 – 00:54:49]
Yeah, exactly. So I want to talk. We’re getting closer to the end of the show here. Hopefully you have a few more minutes. I have a couple more things I’d like to discuss you Frank, you’ve authored many books and have gained a deep appreciation for the profound impact of memories on our emotional well being and our overall life satisfaction. Your insight combined with your dedication to staying abreast of the latest research and therapeutic techniques led to the creation of your groundbreaking book series, heal your memories. Change your life. Where you were talking about you have 12 to 15 people and you communicate and you’ve written these books. Was writing this series cathartic for yourself as well as knowing it would help so many others?
[00:54:50 – 00:55:51]
Yes, it was cathartic because I got to see how, you know, so many people have. So many people have been through some stuff. Stuff and really. And were able to overcome it. And I include. It’s not like those three books are not heal your memories. They’re not only the stories but also there’s exercises and techniques in there to help you. And since they were the first books I wrote, well, I wrote my memoir and since in 2007 and 2018, a revised edition and but other than that, the heal your memories were the first books I wrote and it was cathartic to get a lot of this on paper and you know, see, think, hey, I’m doing something in addition to the university, I’m doing something more with my gift, combining my writing talent with my memory talent and to contribute.
[00:55:53 – 00:56:00]
I can imagine everything that you’ve gone through has been one more step to make you the person you are today.
[00:56:01 – 00:56:48]
That’s. Yes, it has. And that’s the way that. And that’s an important piece of the puzzle for everyone. It’s like, you know, you can even things that seemed really bad and you were maybe feeling sorry for yourself when they happen. But if, when you learn from it, that’s, that’s when, if it makes you stronger. Whenever I say that, I always think of the 201112 Grammy winning song by Kelly Clarkson. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. It is a good way, a good, A good motto for life. You know, you become. Because if everyone had everything just go right with them all their life, they’d have no character. They’d be spoiled brats. And, you know, so everybody has had something.
[00:56:48 – 00:57:49]
Yeah, I tell that to people all the time. They say, I just want to be. I just want to be happy all the time. Well, if you were happy all the time, what a boring life. Because how do you know when you’re happy? If you don’t have sadness, how do you know there’s, there’s joy if there wasn’t something that wasn’t joyful? Right. You need to have some yin and yang and some disparity in your life in order to understand the joy and happiness that comes along with it. And then maybe you’re a person that works on your life so that you’re always working at having more happiness. You’re always, you’re having that thought, as you mentioned, you have a negative thought and you think about something more happy of a memory to squash that negativity. So you create a Persona. You create a life where you have the ups and downs, but you have more ups than downs. And that’s what I tell people. It’s unrealistic to think you can be happy all the time unless you’re going to live in a bubble by yourself and have nobody that could go through their own emotional circumstances around you.
[00:57:49 – 00:58:24]
Yes. Well, then, I mean, that is important to understand the contrast. And I think the real key to things that happen to you that are not what you want. And really, when we define something as good, it simply means what’s what we wanted. And when we define something as bad, it’s not. It’s what we didn’t want. And it’s really no more complex than that. And. But if something happens you don’t want, the trick in the long run is to keep the lesson, but let go of the feeling.
[00:58:24 – 00:58:40]
Yeah, exactly. Is there any specific out of that series or is there any specific story or experience that you could share from any of those books that you think that their listeners or people watching would enjoy?
[00:58:41 – 01:60:28]
Well, I interviewed. Well, with bullying. I interviewed this lady twice. Who had had just unbelievable school bullying but now has an incredible life. She runs a counseling agency and has gave talks on anti bullying after she graduated college and just has incredible with her husband. They live on a farm and they’re in Hawaii right now and they’ve been to Disney World many times. She has a 4 year old toddler who she brings along and you know, and I interviewed her twice and I also interviewed somebody who had to leave a job because of workplace bullying. And you really can overcome it all, be stronger and be happier. And there were so many, I mean there were so many stories in there. I also interviewed a man who, his whole family, the men in his family had all been police officers. But one night in a sophomore year in college, he was riding his motorcycle back from his girlfriend’s house and got hit on the sign, suffered permanent leg damage. So that was out as far as being a police officer. And now he does a lot of self help things himself. And his wife told him when she married him that she wouldn’t have married him if he was a police officer because there would be too much risk every day when he goes to work that he might get shot. So overcame that. And by the way, I really respect fire and police because of the risk they take. I think there’s, there’s two occupations that should get paid more.
[01:60:28 – 01:60:30]
Oh absolutely.
[01:60:30 – 01:61:08]
Yeah. So it’s so you know they, but so. And I overcame someone who suffered a rape in Chicago, someone who. And an older woman who’s still alive and kicking at, at 91 who grew up in World War II torn England and a lot of family dysfunction. And so people came walk overcame all kinds of things and they’re all living proof that you can heal your, you can heal from your memories. And you know, I hate that expression scarred for life because nobody has to be.
[01:61:08 – 01:62:39]
I agree. And you know, I look at what you’re talking about in regards to people being defined by trauma or whatever happened within their lives. I look at my Give a Heck podcast. I’ve had people I had a lady on that survived the killing fields of Cambodia. She was amazing, right? And she’s in her. How old is she now? And she’s probably in her 70s, 80s. I had another lady that was part of that survived the Holocaust and her family run, run a. The Kinder Morgan transport train or whatever I think it was called, where they actually got people out. Right. And she was part, she was a child, a young child and her relatives, how they had their, their store set up to utilize it to help people escape and it’s just amazing. And the reason I bring that up is we’re all people that have gone through something. These people have gone through something and made it to the other side and used it as, like you mentioned, wisdom, life lesson, whatever. They’ve used it now to drive and support and help other people. So it’s just amazing what we can overcome. And that’s why I do this show, to bring people on, to prove to the world people have given a heck. They’ve been through trials, tribulations, challenges, and look where they are now. Now they’re serving and supporting and helping other people, people. And we just need to realize we can give a heck to live a purposeful life.
[01:62:40 – 01:63:13]
That’s right. Really, we all can. And that’s. Anybody can find purpose and what, you know, there’s. I mean, I admire a lot of the self help writers and Dr. Joe Dispenza is one that really, really promotes the idea of neuroplasticity. And you know, he kind of. We really don’t have that many, if any fixed traits. We can change into a lot more than we think we can and become anybody.
[01:63:13 – 01:63:31]
Yeah, Dr. Joe is pretty cool. I’d have to agree. So what would you like to share in regards to your latest book, Stress Free Success and how it helps people stay more stress free while achieving their goals? What can you tell us about your latest book?
[01:63:32 – 01:64:36]
Okay, well, the inspiration came when I thought about how, you know, I mean, some people are very relaxed and meditate a lot and they might be happy and peaceful, but they don’t accomplish very much. And then there’s other people who type A who they, I mean, they accomplish a lot, but they stress themselves. And well, they say that type A people, especially angry and hostile type A people have a much greater risk of heart attack than others. So I thought there’s got to be a nice happy medium there. So this book, so I wrote this book that’s about how you can use things like meditation and cognitive changing your thoughts, you know, as while you’re going after your goals and all. It’s like strike a happy medium because you know, happiness and success are pretty much everybody wants a certain degree of that. So the book’s about how you can achieve both.
[01:64:37 – 01:65:42]
That’s good. That’s fantastic. Because so many people are striving for success. I have clients like that and many people that are friends of mine that are business owners, even career driven, maybe don’t own a business. But it’s always been about money and they put so much stress in Themselves. And they missed the journey of life. They missed it. All the, all the little nuances, all the things from point A to Z. All of a sudden now they’re successful. And I’ll ask them questions when, when they become my client or potential client, I’ll ask them about, what was the journey like to where you’re at today? What was the family like? What did you do? Like, did you have, you know, just to get to know them? And it’s shocking how many of them just, oh, I couldn’t tell you or I didn’t have time for that. I was too busy building my business. All of a sudden, now their kids are older teenagers or adults and they have lots of money, but they have no life experiences or journeys or memories to share. They don’t understand the balance that you talk about. That we want some of both.
[01:65:43 – 01:66:26]
Yeah, that’s. Well, that’s the thing. I mean, you know, they were so. We’re so busy and I think a key with a lot of this is enjoy. You could said enjoy the journey too. Like, you don’t have to wait. Like, say if you’re a college student studying for finals, you don’t have to wait until the finals are over to be happy. Or you don’t have to wait until you’re out and working at a job to be happy. Now you can enjoy the journey. Now, although we talked about a few minutes ago how you can’t be happy all the time, but many people really can be happy a lot more free more often than they think they can.
[01:66:26 – 01:66:27]
Of course. Yeah.
[01:66:27 – 01:66:53]
You know, in fact, my new book that’s coming out sometime in December or January, the title of it is Happy Every Day. It’s about how, you know, you don’t. You don’t have to, you know, be beyond a vacation or on the weekend or just, what, just got a new purchase or something. To be happy. How to be. How to be happy most of the time in your everyday life too.
[01:66:54 – 01:68:28]
No. Yeah. Like, I look at it this way. Like, I teach people, how do I not have a bad day when I coach them, right? And they’ll say, well, that’s impossible. No, it’s not. You have bad moments. You can be happy most of your day and learn that when something happens, that’s a bad moment. And then learn specific techniques to get out of that bad moment. Time yourself out. Like, as an adult, I love time out. When I was a kid, I didn’t. But I like time out now. Time me out, coach. Like, let’s let, let me analyze what’s happened and deal with it. And then at night think about what I, what my day was like. Oh, I had all these good moments. I had this one character building moment and I do not tell people I’ve had a bad day. I just don’t. I haven’t about six, seven years. And I coach people very simple practices so that they don’t have to have a bad day and they have more like you’re talking about more happy than they do sad. But they have to acknowledge that there is sad. Right. That there is things that are going on and not let them because I can, I’ll, I’ll talk to people, Frank, and they’ll say, oh, I’ve had a bad day, it’s 4:00. And I’ll say, your whole day was bad. What happened? Oh, there was something happened an hour ago. So how did that make your. I just question them very kindly. So how did that make your day bad? Did you wake up okay? Oh, it was awesome. I had this and this and all of a sudden you get this look on their face and they’re going, oh, I guess they did have some good things happen. That was just a bad moment. I try to rewrite, reframe how they think about their lives.
[01:68:29 – 01:69:06]
Oh yes, well say that I love that idea that you just proposed about. Not bad days, bad moments. Yeah. Because Monday, this past Monday, I had some hassles going on, papers that had to be into client lawyers and just a lot of, a lot, a lot of stuff that there was time pressure to get done and I thought, well, I also had some good sessions with the clients. I came home and my wife was lovely as usual. So, you know, just had bad moments but not a bad day. That’s really neat idea.
[01:69:06 – 01:69:39]
Yeah, I’ve been doing it for quite a while. I actually. PEOPLE CHUCKLE I forgot to put the one word and I always tell people. What was your character building moment that caused this to happen? What do you mean was your whole day bad? And I’m always very cognizant of my tonality, my body language because non verbal communication is so powerful. I don’t want to keep you too long. I’m going to ask you my last question, Frank. If you had to give our listeners one last closing message, what would you tell them in regards to giving a heck and never giving up?
[01:69:41 – 01:70:44]
Well, I would say that you need to have self compassion to never give up. It’s like, you know, I remember one time, it was about a month after I graduated college and I had this alleged friend he turned out to be someone I needed to get rid of, who wanted me to drink and drive. And I started thinking, isn’t it a shame? I worked so hard in college and now I’m going to get a DUI if I, if I do what he says, you know, having some self compassion and if somebody criticizes you, it’s better to think you’re all right and maybe it’s a you moment to them, you know, don’t tell them that if it’s your boss or something but it’s okay to think it. So to really care, I mean keep on going even when the going has gotten tough is really doing yourself a favor. And having self compassion like you’re bigger than any bad moment that could, that could hit.
[01:70:44 – 01:70:55]
Yeah, absolutely. We are so our time is almost up. I want to respect our listeners in your time. However, before we end, what’s the best way for people to reach you?
[01:70:55 – 01:71:43]
Frank well I have a, I have a recently revamped website, Healy’s Healing. If you go on htt www.heelyshealing.com you figure I have the perfect last name for a healer and, and you could also if you want to email me it’s he a it’s similar H E a L y s then you repeat the H E a l healy’s heal then one the number one and it’s one of those old fashioned@msn.com I’ve had that same website for 24 years since Monday 62000 so okay, right on.
[01:71:44 – 01:72:13]
I’ll make for those new to the show, whether you’re watching or listening Simply go to giveaheck.com Go to the top click on podcast. You’ll see a picture of Frank and you’ll see the show notes. I’ll make sure that the website link is in there social media connections that you currently use as well as your email address so that people can easily your drive and you don’t have to worry about remembering any of this. Just go to giveaheck.com really easy to find and any last words before I wrap up the show?
[01:72:13 – 01:72:19]
Frank Just everybody have a good day and a good life.
[01:72:20 – 01:72:35]
Great last words. So I’m going to wrap it up so thanks so much for being on Give a Heck Frank. I appreciate your time and sharing some of your experiences so that others too can learn. It is never too late to give a heck.