🎙️ Reclaiming Your Voice After Divorce and Abuse, Deena Kordt’s Journey of Courage and Community
Guest: Deena Kordt
Host: Dwight Heck
Podcast: Give a Heck
🔥 Episode Overview
Have you ever felt invisible, silenced, or trapped by your past? In this powerful episode of Give a Heck, Dwight welcomes Deena Kordt, publisher of Life Changes and Divorce Magazine Canada, podcast host, and advocate for domestic abuse survivors. Deena’s journey from a strict religious upbringing and a 30-year abusive marriage to becoming a voice for the voiceless is nothing short of inspiring.
Deena shares how she transformed her pain into purpose, building platforms that empower others to reclaim their voice and navigate life’s toughest transitions with courage and compassion.
💡 What You’ll Learn in This Episode
- How religious conditioning can suppress identity and self-expression
- Strategies for leaving abusive relationships and rebuilding life
- The healing power of storytelling, journaling, and digital media
- Creating inclusive support systems for both women and men after divorce
- Why curiosity, compassion, and community are key to transformation
⏱️ Chapter Summaries
00:00:00 – Introduction to Deena Kordt, Empowering Women Through Media
Dwight introduces Deena, highlighting her work in publishing and advocacy. Her mission is to help women feel seen, heard, and supported during difficult life transitions.
00:04:28 – Deena’s Origin Story, Rural Roots and Early Influences
Deena shares her upbringing on a ranch in Saskatchewan, the values it instilled, and the restrictive religious environment that shaped her early life.
00:11:43 – Overcoming Invisibility and Finding Purpose
Deena reflects on her journey through domestic abuse and religious silencing, and how she found strength and purpose in advocacy.
00:41:42 – Building Media That Heals, Life Changes and Divorce Magazine
She discusses acquiring Divorce Magazine Canada, expanding it to Life Changes, and her mission to create inclusive resources for both men and women.
01:10:25 – Writing as a Tool for Healing and Empowerment
Deena shares how journaling and storytelling have empowered her and others, emphasizing the healing power of written expression.
✨ Summary
In this inspiring episode, Dwight sits down with Deena Kordt, a publisher, podcast host, and advocate who transformed a life of invisibility and abuse into a mission of empowerment and healing. Her journey from religious silence to media leadership is a testament to resilience, compassion, and the power of community.
Listeners will gain insight into how storytelling can fuel personal growth, how digital platforms can offer discreet support, and why embracing curiosity and compassion can change lives. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to reclaim their voice and build a more supportive world.
🔗 Connect with Deena Kordt
🌐 Website: https://divorcemagazinecanada.com
📖 Spring 2025 Issue: Spring Issue
🎧 Podcast: Life Changes Channel
📸 Instagram: 1)Deena Kordt 2)Magazine
📘 Facebook: 1)Divorce Magazine Canada 2)U Glow Girl
💼 LinkedIn – Deena: Deena Kordt
📖 Life Changes & Divorce Magazine: Online Magazine
🔗 Connect with Dwight Heck
🌐 Website: https://giveaheck.com
📺 YouTube: @giveaheck
📱 Instagram: @give.a.heck
🧵 Threads: @give.a.heck
🐦 X / Twitter: @give_a_heck
💼 LinkedIn: Dwight Heck
Apple Podcast:
Spotify Podcast:
YouTube Podcast(Watch and listen):
Full Unedited Transcript of Show:
[00:00:00 – 00:02:03]
Foreign welcome back to the Give a Heck podcast. I’m your host, Dwight Heck. I’m here to help you live a life on purpose and not by accident. Each week we dive into deep into real stories, raw truths, and powerful conversations that challenge you to give a heck about your life and the lives of others. Before we dive in, I want to share something personal. Over the years, I’ve learned that the most powerful transformations often come from the darkest places. Today’s guest embodies that truth. Her journey from invisibility to impact is not just inspiring, it’s a call to action. This conversation is about reclaiming voice, building community, and choosing compassion over judgment. Today’s guest is Dina Cort, publisher and editor in Chief of Life Changes and Divorce Magazine Canada, host of the Life Changes Channel podcast, author of empowering books and workbooks, and a fierce advocate for domestic abuse awareness and women’s empowerment. She is also a Suroptomist International Ruby Award winner recognized for her work uplifting women and creating sex safe spaces for healing and growth in. His mission is clear to help women feel seen, heard and supported, especially during life’s most difficult transitions. Through her media platforms, publishing resources and speaking engagements, she’s built a compassionate community that empowers others to trust their instincts, embrace curiosity and rise from adversity. Get ready to explore how trusting your instincts, choosing curiosity, and building compassionate communities can truly change one’s life. I’d like to welcome you to the show, Dina. Thanks so much for agreeing to come on and share with us some of your life journey.
[00:02:04 – 00:02:18]
Thank you Dwight. I am just super impressed with all that you’ve pulled together to introduce me and I’m so honored to be here. Really honored for the invitation and I am really looking forward to this conversation.
[00:02:19 – 00:03:41]
I am as well. For those listening or watching, I had the privilege and honor to meeting Dina at an event in Edmonton called Blue Talks and another gentleman that was on my show, I met him and that’s and how we became connected. Like they say, we’re so many degrees of separation apart. While I met you because of Corey. If I wouldn’t have had Corey on my show and been enthralled with the conversation we had and all the research I did, I would have never he wouldn’t have reached out to me and said hey, you need to come to this event. I know you speak but come to it. And I learned so much from people such as yourself. I love going to events where I listen to people that are really good at speaking, some that are just brand new. It’s raw. It’s real. And it was such a great event over those two days. And that’s how we met. And I had the privilege of listening to you speak. Very powerful speak, pardon me. Speech that you did. And, you know, just I had to come and talk to you, and that’s how you are here today now is because I. I was, you know, engaged in your. In your speech. I learned a lot from it. And you’re a very powerful speaker. Obviously, you know that yourself. Being up on stage, I quite enjoyed it. So besides that, that’s how we met. I just want to let people know that’s how come you’re on the show.
[00:03:41 – 00:03:41]
Right.
[00:03:41 – 00:04:25]
I had firsthand account, account of who you are in the sense of being a speaker. And your energy and your compassion coming through was just profound. So I look forward to that being in this podcast as well. So we’re going to start. One of the things I mentioned to you, I always like talking about a person’s origin story. The trials, the tribulations, the excitements, the things that went on in your life. And I read some of your stuff that obviously is in print. In regards to your childhood, you had an amazing experience of being taught to be a hard worker, to be part of the community and so many other things. Could you please share what you feel comfortable with from your earliest recollections up to today?
[00:04:28 – 00:04:31]
Well, it’s a pretty long story. It covers several decades, Dwight.
[00:04:31 – 00:04:31]
But let’s go.
[00:04:31 – 00:04:33]
You know, we can buckle up and go there.
[00:04:34 – 00:04:35]
I love it. Let’s do it.
[00:04:35 – 00:04:38]
I appreciate the invitation to do that because it.
[00:04:38 – 00:04:38]
Thank you.
[00:04:38 – 00:11:42]
Our story is what really resonates with people. That’s what touches their hearts. That’s what helps them to see others as humans. With stories, when we’re reminded of that there’s a story behind that face, there’s a story behind that, those words or those actions. And mine is no different from that. You know, I had many influences growing up that have shaped who I am, but they’ve also made me aware of things I wanted to change. So I was born right on the Montana border in southern Saskatchewan. Not on the border, but on a little town very close to the border and very small town, raised on a ranch. And also there was farming involved, cattle and horses and, you know, the dogs, cats, chickens, that kind of thing. And as the oldest of four kids with three younger brothers, it was kind of like I was the one, you know, they were learning to parent on in a way. Plus being the girl, I feel like my brothers maybe had Some little more freedoms than I might have as we got older, but it was a really good life. It was, it was stable. As I look back, I can see things that I wish had been different, but it was stable. And that work ethic that you referred to earlier, Dwight, that’s really part of rural kids. I mean, I think any rural kids, you have responsibilities. There’s a lot of things to look after in a home like that, where there’s livestock, there’s a lot of space, there’s. You have to be trusted as well that you’re going to take care of those things. Or literally something could die, like an animal or a, you know, a valuable pet, or you might ruin some equipment if you haven’t maintained it properly as, as you’ve been taught. So there are responsibilities that come with that, and I think that is such an important value to have. And then the small town routes, you know, you’ve got so many friends and neighbors. Everybody around you is considered a friend or neighbor. You know them, you know their grandma, you know their grandpa, their aunts, uncles, cousins for generations. And so there’s a lot of accountability that comes with that as well, which is, I think, a beautiful thing that we’ve lost in these in mass population areas. And it’s, it is really important to have that accountability outside of just the visual line that your parents might have on you and that I joke about it a little bit in some of my writing that the only time you really would lock your doors was in zucchini season. And if anybody’s a gardener, they know that zucchinis are very prolific producers. And you’re always looking for a home for your extra zucchinis. And you might just say, hey, here’s somebody’s car. I’ll just donate some to them. And so that’s why I joke about that is that very generous. We come together to celebrate accomplishments, to celebrate joys, but also to celebrate lives and to mourn together. And kind of the birth of some of my books came about because of that and around the family, keepsake heirloom recipe books, because food was central, especially to a lot of those types of gatherings. So that became a real strong passion for me. Growing up, I loved to bake, and more so than meal preparing. But it wasn’t one of my favorite spots for my mom to be in the kitchen. She’d grown up breaking, raising horses, being out on a ranch herself. She was an only child too. She had more responsibilities and the kitchen wasn’t really her favorite spot. So I was more than happy to be in there. I was free to experiment. My. My dad and brothers were welcome guinea pigs. They were always, you know, excited to see what I came up with. And that, I think, really fed that creativity, that it’s. It’s okay to experiment when you’re creating something. It’s okay to go outside the lines. And I’m much that way, that I don’t just accept, you know, I’m a little bit of a rebel. I don’t like to be feeling like I’m confined, especially when it comes to being creative. The trick around that word creative was triggering for me because in this environment that was full of a lot of positive influence was a very strict and religious and conservative upbringing. And part of that religion part is that it was considered blasphemous to call yourself a creator or that you created something. And I remember several times being reminded, kind of chastised, actually, that God’s the only one that can create, because when you create, it’s making something out of nothing. And I really struggled to own that title, but I’ve had to just let that go. You know, that was programming conditioning that I had. And so the other thing I am naturally other than a creator is a connector. And I know my mom mentioned to me, even when I was an adult, that that was something that was so natural for me. I was always drawn to those that were kind of on the outside, that were trying to blend into the wall and. And. And feeling uncomfortable or feeling like they didn’t belong, and I would be drawn to them. And. And that connection piece, in a way, because of the strict religious, conservative environment. Be quiet, play small. I remember cheering really loud at one of the little hometown hockey games that everybody along the boards is banging on the boards. When the hometown team cheers or scores, we’re all cheering. And I had. I kind of got scolded about that on the way home, about being too loud. And that that message really reinforced that invisibility in me that carried me. You know, I’m still recovering. I call myself a recovering invisible woman. So to connect with people, you do need to step out of your comfort zone. You do need to go out and speak to people and move around and. And allow yourself to be seen. And so that connector piece has been a struggle to really lean into it, really see it as valuable and not as something that is inappropriate.
[00:11:43 – 00:12:35]
Yeah, it’s, you know, at the end of the day. I grew up in a small rural community. My father owned a farm equipment dealership. All his. Most of his relatives are all farmers. My mom’s side of the family, too, because My dad was one of 18 kids. My mom was one of nine. So I have farmers everywhere that I’m right. I grew up on a work ethic. You’re not taking summer off. You’re coming to the shop to work. Oh, okay. It’s evening. We’re jumping in the vehicle to drive out to this farmers to help them repair something, drop off some parts, maybe give, you know, some support. And that’s the way I grew up too. You know, I used to watch my dad. It was like if there was he. He wasn’t a person to stand around. If he went somewhere and somebody was working on something, he can I help? He’d go, right. He would be standing back when that’s their problem. It would be like, I’m a community person.
[00:12:35 – 00:12:36]
Right?
[00:12:36 – 00:13:32]
I seen that. I didn’t hear it. I’m a community builder. I’m a person that’s empathetic. I’m a person that gets things done. He taught me, when I look back that he taught me one thing that most people don’t take serious enough. My listeners are going to get tired of hearing this tenacity. Being tenacious, right? Getting things accomplished, getting things done. Like you talked about, you know, being combined. You can’t cheer at a hockey game. You know, can I talk about this? Like they taught us our learned behavior, you’re better to be seen, not heard. And all those learned things that made us invisible, like you’re talking about. And I really appreciate you sharing that. For a side note, those wanting to know, Dina does have a cookbook. You can go order it. 150 some recipes. I was. I checked. I checked it out online. Just so you know. That’s a good side note. If you like food, go buy the book.
[00:13:32 – 00:13:38]
I appreciate the plug, Dwight. I actually started and I’ll just tell a bit of that history.
[00:13:39 – 00:13:39]
Sure.
[00:13:39 – 00:15:05]
During COVID I’ve always wanted to write a book, but during COVID I was really impressed to see the shortage of flour and baking supplies. The toilet paper made no sense to me, but the baking supplies, people were getting back into their kitchens for through isolation or whatever reason, wanting to create comfort foods. And they’ve lost touch with that. They can’t find the recipe or they have a fond memory of it or, you know, a visual or a taste memory, whatever that might be, and they would like to share that with their family. So I created a series of books that people can fill in to capture, you know, special days, funny traditions. Special traditions or A table grace that they liked, or stories behind a recipe, whether they have the actual recipe or not. But here’s a memory. You know, Aunt Judy always showed up with this green jello salad and nobody liked it. But now that she’s no longer able to join us, for whatever reason, we miss that salad because we miss Aunt Judy. Right. And so those memories are something we want to pass along. And, and it’s. So that is what came of that. And then people went, wait a minute, we want your recipes. So that’s why I published the one with my own family recipes. And I fill up with stories behind those recipes as well and just give people a glimpse into my own family history. And the first person I gave it to was my daughter because she was always sending me texts. Can you send me this recipe?
[00:15:06 – 00:16:13]
Yeah, that’s. That’s fantastic though. But from going to a religious upbringing where you felt, you know, invisible and, and in some ways we mentally get crushed, right? Our ideas, our ability to be creative is just absolutely squashed. So to be able to look at, you know, or hear your story from then and see what you’re. You’re doing now in your life is amazing because it tells people or it should be telling people. You can change. It doesn’t matter what your upbringing was. I grew up in a very, you know, seen, not heard kind of thing, or one parent would encourage me, the other person wouldn’t. And you get mixed messages. You become an adult and do they really want to hear me or are they just saying they’re going to hear me? You know, they look that way. Maybe I shouldn’t just stand back and not talk. You know what I mean? It’s hard to be that, that I grew up. I don’t know if it’s because of the way I grew up that I’m an introvert. I am extroverted when I need to be, and then I go have a nap.
[00:16:16 – 00:16:28]
I heard the term extroverted introvert one time and I was like, yep, I relate to that because for the same reasons I think we, we love to, to connect, but it’s very exhausting. And, and we’re very comfortable with our own company.
[00:16:28 – 00:17:40]
Oh, absolutely. It took me a few years, though, to get to a place where I was comfortable with my own company because. Or even to look at myself in the mirror. Because so many people don’t realize that the societal judgments or the judgments we got or their learned lessons we got, their surroundings when we grew up. It affects wanting to look at yourself, your worth, your value. So I am really comfortable with myself. At one time I thought I always had to be around people like everybody else. I gotta have a big group of people, even though I disliked it because, you know, this group of people, they take more energy and you got even more energy vampires in your life. Right. So I got to a point as I’ve aged and matured and seasoned in my thought processes that I literally like a small group of people. The five thing that you talk about, the five closest people. Perfect, right? I have a few more than that, but I wanted about sincerity, honesty, connection. I want to have that fuzzy feeling when they leave or come that I can’t wait to feel that again when they’re in my presence.
[00:17:40 – 00:17:41]
Right.
[00:17:41 – 00:18:13]
So I coach a lot on that. On the principle of how you can make your life based on who you are. If you’re an introvert, you can make it so that you don’t have to have all these people. Well, I have to. It’s required of me know. What’s required of you is to love yourself, to live the life and journey you want to and those around you can fit into your. Your world, you can fit into theirs and you can, you can have synergy. You don’t have to be around people you don’t like anymore. At one point in time in your life, you were forced to. Now you don’t have to make that choice.
[00:18:14 – 00:18:40]
One of my favorite books and authors, and she was a personal coach of mine for a while, is Carolyn Garnett McGraw and she wrote a book you Don’t Owe Anyone. And she speaks to that. It’s. It’s amazing. You don’t owe anyone to be a certain way or to respond to certain. It’s just, it’s a, it’s a really powerful story and not a massive book. So I encourage anybody that’s interested to pick some. Pick one of those up and you can get on Amazon.
[00:18:40 – 00:20:13]
Fantastic. Hopefully I’ll remember to write it down. If you, if you send me a note, I will put it in the show notes so that people can actually, you know, here’s a recommendation from Dana. Yeah, so, you know, I like the fact though you talked about, and it’s important we talk about this, there’ll be people listening to this podcast around the world that aren’t Christians. There aren’t, you know, faith bearing. They’re not into organized religion. They’re tree huggers, they’re universe lovers, whatever. We’re not here to judge you. We’re here to tell you though, that certain things that were required to Follow this narrow hallway as children can sometimes be very controlling and not conducive to success in your older years. And if you’re still trapped in that, that organized religion that your family pushed on to you, hopefully it’s a buffet mentality. I myself treat my religion like a buffet. I have, I’m a Catholic Christian, I still attend church. But I, I, I don’t like things about my organized religion. Those listening that disagree with me, that’s fine, right? I’m like, we’re all like a fingerprint, we’re all different. I treat my religion like I don’t like this. Okay, that’s fine. You stay over there. I like this. I do, I treat like a buffet. And even the people at church, I have a, I go there and I do volunteering work. I’m friends with deacons, the priests, different people in the church that come up to me, they’re my tribe. The rest that don’t like who I am.
[00:20:15 – 00:20:15]
Right.
[00:20:16 – 00:20:39]
So religion though has, how did you get to a point where, because you were talked about religion and God, how you were, everything was so, you know, compacted and how you had to live in this little rule book, you had to live. How did you get past that? Do you still, are you still a follower of religion or did it push you so far away that you just, you’re on your own path?
[00:20:41 – 00:22:36]
Well, it’s been a bit of a journey, Dwight. So I was raised in that small community. Then I went from those years into over 30 years of domestic abuse. Not by choice, didn’t even recognize it as that until I was out because I wasn’t socialized very much. That’s part of it. And I was also conditioned in a certain way that you forgive anything, you don’t get divorced. That was part of that religious training. Right. And so we again lived in that community for most of those years and raised our family there. So I still had that influence and we were still active in that same religious organization. And that contributed to me staying in that situation. So that as I finally got to the point where I was recognizing this isn’t healthy, I do need to leave. And that came with some outside helps, mental health help. And I had finally sought because of a different situation. And we will get into that. But sure, I, I started to realize I needed to get out. And then the universe aligned things I had, there was a shift in that, in that power base and I was able to get out. And we were very active at that time in a church family. I was even working in their office and part time and you know, really involved and it wasn’t in that same small community at that point, but we’d been there a couple years and, and quite involved and they just did nothing. They. Nobody contacted me. We’d gone and spoken when, when I forgot to ask if we could swear on this, but when the poop.
[00:22:36 – 00:22:37]
Yeah, go ahead. You can.
[00:22:38 – 00:25:29]
I. Oh good. Those are some of my favorite words. When the poop hit the fan. I finally had some interest from my partner or my husband at the time to get some help and so we went to our pastor. So that was the. And. And they found out. We went for. Tried a little bit of counseling and then I just pulled the plug. And they never reached out to talk to me or follow up or support me or ask if I was okay. Nothing. Right. And it was kind of like that was the final straw. I really started to question all of the conditioning. All like do I really believe there’s. Is it because I’ve been told from the time I could breathe on my own at birth how the world is according to, you know, this religious teaching. So I really started to question that. I super, super struggled with being divorced because that had been like that as much as I was. I was just torn. You know, I was so conflicted. Is this right? Is like how can I rationalize leaving even though I know I need to. And I found an incredible book and I’ll send you this link too for any of your listeners who are struggling with this. And it’s called without this Ring by Donna Pyle and again available on Amazon. She writes from a Christian woman’s perspective how to rationalize the. The con. The teachings that the values you hold and go and navigate a divorce. And I found that so helpful and over time I’ve just left all that. It’s kind of like an anti. Or a. Not an. A former smoker. They’re like the most anti smoker people often or you know, whatever your affliction was or your addiction. And so I, I find that I, I scoff at. At some of the things I see and hear now. And I, I feel repulsed and a little triggered around some of that. And so I am not involved in that in any way. I believe there’s a higher power that I always have and that can’t help me keep my sanity because I, in the situation that I hadn’t labeled or recognized or understood was abuse. I would always keep thinking, yeah, but God’s a higher power over this person. So. And I know he loves me. I know he Condemns me for a lot of things, but he loves me overall, you know, and forgives me for those things. And so that did help me keep saying, now I call it universe. And it’s just, I don’t pray. I, you know, I’ll meditate or whatever, but it’s just a different form of connecting with that higher power.
[00:25:29 – 00:27:53]
There’s nothing wrong with that. Absolutely. I didn’t, you know, I wasn’t. My intention wasn’t to say that you should. It’s just nice to hear. It’s just nice to hear people be honest about what they’ve gone through and transpired and, and what caused it. Like, I look at my religious upbringing and I look at all the religions that were in my community of. At that time it was only 10,000 people. And you know, and the rural community that we were so tied to because of relatives, my dad’s farm equipment business and the filters from the different organized religions and how people would react. But yet we were kids, we get together and play. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t until we got older, you know, let’s say 12, 14, all of a sudden now there’s different opinions coming from the same kids that you’re just out to play because they’re getting so programmed by their organized religion or their good family life or their broke family life and all that information, you know. And as I was getting older, the filter that I looked through stuff, the religious filter, started cracking. It started cracking because we talk. I wrote down here that some organized religions are a false community. They really are a false community. And why did I write that down specifically when you said that you never heard from anybody? I got, when I went through my divorce, I got judged consistently by everybody. I got ignored. I’d be on one side, I’d be on. I’d stand, go pick the kids up. And when I first got separated, moms, parents in general, because mostly moms wouldn’t even talk to me anymore. It was all my fault. And even when the truth came out, that community of the school that I’d go on field trips, because I was the person going on the field trips, not my ex, I was the one taking in their lunches when it was forgot and, you know, and all those things that I went through, it was a real eye, waking, eye opening experience because some of these people I also knew from church, right, they preached and talked, that they were supportive, that there were people that were uplifting, but that didn’t, that wasn’t the case when there were whispers across the street looking at me as I was waiting for kids.
[00:27:53 – 00:27:53]
Right.
[00:27:53 – 00:29:09]
So that the religious filter that we go through is horrible. Or they, or they say snidy comments to me. I’d say, hi, how’s it going? Whatever. Sally, whatever her name was or his name. And you know, and some people wouldn’t even respond to me. Or they, or they respond and walk off and you know that little whisper as you’re. They’re 15ft away from you. And I had to develop armor. I had to develop armor against all that stuff and think to myself, you know what? It’s another filter. This community that says they’re supportive of me, the parents and that. That pretended to like me at all these kids events that we go to over all these years now I’ve left my, my wife. I’m the one that left. I couldn’t take it anymore. We tried years of counseling and. But I’m the broken one. I’m the one that caused everything automatically. There’s such a miscommunication between the fact of what people go through with religion. Through divorce. We find out, oh, this person that we thought was our friend is talking behind our back as we’re going through the separation. Or it happens after the divorce. I’m saying nothing that you aren’t aware of. But those listening and watching, I’m. I’m sharing because I’ve lived this.
[00:29:10 – 00:29:11]
Yeah.
[00:29:11 – 00:29:12]
And I still live it.
[00:29:12 – 00:29:12]
Right.
[00:29:12 – 00:29:14]
It never wanted to feel alone.
[00:29:14 – 00:30:10]
Yeah. You’re not alone. And for those that are males, I hope my male listeners are listening. You can do it. If you’re in this circumstance, you can do it. I’m proof in the pudding. Grab my book. Read some of my life. Reach out. Let’s have a call. Let’s talk to you about the fact and uplift you. Right. That you can be a good parent just because your gender says you should or society, religion does it. The worst saying that I think we can both be nurturers. Do I think men and women should be together to raise kids? I think it would probably be better if there’s a good healthy balance. But if it’s not healthy, you protect your kids, whether you’re the woman, whether you’re the man. If you’re the better, do whatever it takes. Find that community that’ll support you. And if your local church isn’t supporting you, exit stage right. That’s going to sound harsh, but you got to protect you. It’s all about you. So you can protect your kids.
[00:30:11 – 00:31:39]
Your kids. Yeah. The final straw for me, Dwight, was actually a really weird, awkward interaction at the end of one of the services, still in the, in the service, like the church area where the service had been. And I get up to leave and we, we were in the middle of separating. Word had got out we were separating. And this one quite older gentleman who was an elder, had been longtime elder of the church. He, he gets up from where he’d been sitting with his family, wife, kids, grandkids, and comes over and makes some very inappropriate, you know, some innuendo comments to me in a, in a way that was, how do I say this? He wasn’t being mean, he was hitting on me. And I was just completely disgusted and I just thought, wow, what the. And I never went back. I just, I felt so uncomfortable and yeah, it was just so weird. And then nobody even missed me. Nobody, nobody came and checked on me or anything. And I know he continued going. So I attributed some of that to who knows what he’s saying about me. I don’t even care because if they didn’t know me as involved as I was and know me better than anything he can fabricate, then I don’t need that community.
[00:31:40 – 00:35:47]
Oh, I, I totally agree. I, I, I don’t believe in for myself. I have many friends that have gone through 23 years of clients, amount of clients that have gone through divorce and they go to, they, they, I had a friend, God rest his soul, passed away from cancer. But he jumped from one church to the next to the next to the next. And he finally got rooted in a church for the last few years of his life. But at the end of the day he was seeking. It’s the same as confirmation bias. When we believe one thing about something, we’re going to look for that information especially on social media today. Now it understands your bias and gives you that bias and right, unfortunately. And it’s the same thing. He was, he was, he was looking for something or somebody within an organization of any form of organized religion to tell him what he wanted to hear and he wasn’t getting that. And, and why don’t you leave your church? Come check this out. I remember over a 20 year period, I’ve come check this is the best. Nah, I’ll just keep on treating mine like a buffet. And he used to laugh at me all the time. I don’t need to run from place to place to place. I am creating a, I, you know, what do you want to call it? Armor, whatever. Curating what I’m going to allow to come into me. And, and I don’t need to leave. I’ve gone from one Christian parent, Catholic Christian parents, and moved and thought, oh, I’m going to keep on going back to this parish. And after a while I thought to myself, you know, I didn’t come for a couple weeks to that parish, went back, people weren’t saying, hey, where were you? We miss you, how are you know, you know what I mean? There was no that community, that broken community I talk about and that filter, that crack. Eventually I healed the filter of how I looked through it because I looked at it through a filter of, you know what? This is not going to define me. This is, you know, I’m a good person. I, you know, I believe in most of the ten commandments and I won’t get into the details as to why there’s certain things that I don’t necessarily, you know, they’re good rules to live, live by, but why don’t I believe in them all? Because it is basically telling people that if you’re not God fearing, you’re something’s wrong. So there’s certain things that I, you know, again, buffet mentality. I still do what I’m going to do, I cuss, I do whatever, I’m kind to people and I, and I just keep on moving forward. But for those of you out there that believe you’re in a false community or even having any little self, self doubt, talk to somebody, right? Talk to somebody about what community you’re in. If you’re in a community that knows that your significant other, your husband or your wife is, is battering you or whether it’s physical and if it’s all of it mental, physical, emotional, you know, you’re not alone. Just reach out. Don’t let your religion, don’t let your community of people that you hang out with every single weekend judge you because you want to protect yourself. And if you have children, for sure, protect yourself. You know, you need to get out of that scary environment and, and guarantee there’d be people like Dina that you should reach out to that can, you know, give you some coaching and help you through that difficult step. Maybe it’s a step to get what Dina talked about, you know, get getting some help. I’ve gotten help. There’s nothing wrong with communicating and being able to let out all that things that’s been stuck down in your heart, compartmentalizing your brain and sharing with people, letting them know that, you know, this is what I’m going through and having somebody be shocked about what you’re saying or listening to you with compassion and going, you know what? That’s not great that you’re going through that. And why do I do it in two different ways? Because you don’t need to stick to the first counselor. You get to either. We could go on and on and on about this. If you, when you buy a car, do you shop around to get what’s best for you? Yes. When you shop for our doctor, I hope you do the same thing.
[00:35:48 – 00:35:48]
Right.
[00:35:48 – 00:36:01]
Especially if it’s your mental health. It is so important. I think it should be in our province. I would hope that they’d allow it and someday put it into medical health law that we get to all have counseling, minimum once a month.
[00:36:02 – 00:36:02]
Right.
[00:36:02 – 00:36:22]
I think it would be great. I’d pay for it as a, as a taxpayer. Okay, good. Here we’d have a lot less people in jail, a lot less people in the hospital, a lot less divorce, a lot less this because abuse. The abuse is horrible, right? The abuse is horrible. I went through it too.
[00:36:22 – 00:36:22]
Right.
[00:36:22 – 00:36:28]
As a man, I know it’s. It may be hard for people to understand that, but men do go through it. We’re just a silent minority.
[00:36:29 – 00:36:29]
Right.
[00:36:29 – 00:36:29]
We’re not.
[00:36:29 – 00:36:30]
A.
[00:36:30 – 00:36:42]
Women have been putting up with a way longer than us. So I’m not going to ever say that we’re anywhere close to what they go through, but it does happen. So I’m here for you and so is Dina, and we’ll move on from this.
[00:36:44 – 00:37:35]
I just want to add one little, well, a couple little pieces to that. One is around the religion and how it can contribute to the course of control. And religious abuse is a real thing. And if, like, just do some searching or reach out to me and I can hook you up with some people that you know, any of your listeners, if they would like to learn more about that. I know some people who’ve taken a lot of education around it, have come from that personally and work in that. The other thing that’s very important, if this is the only thing they hear today as either someone who needs help or is listening and is there for somebody a thing called vulnerability hangover. And when you are brave enough, you get up the courage to share or somebody has shared with you, then be very aware that a vulnerability hangover is a very real thing.
[00:37:35 – 00:37:35]
And.
[00:37:36 – 00:38:52]
And it’s that awkwardness, that sense of, oh, no, what did I share? I feel totally vulnerable now. It’s out there. What are they going to think of me? Oh, I can. And then you avoid them, and then all of that for naught. Because now you’re Cutting that tie because you feel so vulnerable. And it is very important to be aware that you may experience that if you’re the one who shares. But if you’re on the receiving end, how you can deal with that, the way that I suggest people deal with that is to say, hey, I really appreciate what you shared with me. Thank you for trusting me. I believe you. And if you ever want to talk about it again, I’m here. And if you need help, we’ll find it together. And in the meantime, don’t worry. It’s safe with me. And, and then carry on as, as you had before that conversation so they know that they haven’t permanently damaged that relationship with you. The judgment isn’t harsh, it’s safe. They. You aren’t going to go blabbing it all over and that you believe them because it’s really tough. They may have just realized and accepted and believed themselves what they’re in, and now they’re sharing it, kind of testing the waters or they’re asking for help, and now they feel really vulnerable. So I just want to mention that.
[00:38:53 – 00:39:19]
And that’s important to mention. When people talk to you about their struggles, their trials and tribulations, hopefully they, if they do release that for the first time, you’re somebody that’s, you know, not going to have the body language that’s uncomfortable about it because you don’t even have to say anything to make that person think, oh, my gosh, what have I done?
[00:39:20 – 00:39:20]
Right?
[00:39:21 – 00:39:39]
I know it’s tough when somebody’s telling you something sensitive, but you have to really learn to watch how you react. Like you were saying, right? Reaction can make it so that one or the other avoids one another, can destroy connections. If it’s a family member, right.
[00:39:39 – 00:39:41]
Maybe it could shut them down from trying again.
[00:39:42 – 00:39:50]
Exactly. So it’s just be kind. That’s all I can ever say. My last message to always everybody is just be kind.
[00:39:50 – 00:39:51]
Right?
[00:39:51 – 00:40:48]
Treat people like you want to be treated. And if you’re not talking kind to yourself, just always ask yourself this. Would you say this to somebody else? And if you wouldn’t, why are you unkind to yourself? Don’t talk to yourself in, in such a way that, you know, it’s okay to do it, okay to talk to yourself that way, but you’d never do it to others, right? You’re just, you’re worthy, you’re important. Don’t let a situation of a relation, a bad relationship, bad religion, a bad medical doctor, bad anything control you. You need to work on you. So that you can serve and support others. Like I, I, I literally say it every single day. You know, thank you for giving me an opportunity to wake up so that I can work on me, so that I can serve others. It starts with me because if I can’t work on me, how can I support others if I’m, if I’m cracking everywhere at the scenes?
[00:40:49 – 00:40:56]
Well. And the only person you’re going to spend your entire life with every single second is yourself. So why not be best friends? Why not be kind?
[00:40:57 – 00:41:40]
I agree. So we’re going to go into building media that heals. Yeah. So this is the second going on that I went through this quite a bit too. I’m looking forward to this. So your Life Changes channel, podcast and Life Changes and Divorce Magazine Canada, our top ranking resources in Canada and globally. What inspired you to launch these platforms? Obviously we know some of your backstory, but what inspired you? What, what actually was there a catalyst? Did somebody talk to you about it? Did you just wake up one day and went, man, I’m going to do this right. So tell us about how you build such trusted spaces for people navigating divorce and their life transitions.
[00:41:42 – 00:47:49]
It’s been an interesting journey and again I just lean in and trust my instincts that I encourage others to do. Trust those invitations that you feel a nudge to explore, get curious about what crosses your path and see what is there for you. So I mentioned I’m creative. I mentioned I like to connect people and I was really looking for something with purpose in my life. I have lost two brothers in already as young men. One was 26, one was 34 when, when they died in separate accidents. So I have that as a reminder every single day that I’ve been gifted another day, another hour. I’ve got this opportunity to do something really special with my life and impact others positively. And I love how you mentioned Dwight about how, how can we better to serve others. So I’ve always wanted to write a book. I’d already started doing that. I’ve done several of those. I started blogging and I’d built websites. I’d done social media management. This was all unknown to me. Creating skills and interest in being creative in this way that when the right opportunity crossed my path, I was very intrigued. So I met the fabulous Dorothy Briggs. I don’t know if anyone of your listeners, I’d be surprised if there’s nobody who’s heard of her. She has founded Womanition magazine in Alberta. She show she’s started a few different magazines and it showcases Business women in Alberta. She had founded Divorce Magazine Canada as another magazine, and she’d been running it for about 10 years when I met her in the fall of 2022. And I saw this magazine and I was really impressed because every page had very empowering information to help people going through a divorce. Now I was already through my divorce. I was with an amazing new partner and in a really good place. And I said to her, oh, my goodness, I’ve done this, this and this, and I would love to work with you to help grow this particular publication. And at the end of that conversation, and she’s very open with her age. She was already into her early 70s at that time. She said, I’m excited. I’m looking for somebody that’s the right fit to actually take this over. And I bought it. And from there I started right away. Huge, massive learning curve because it was a print publication at that time, an annual print, and it was going out within the next few months. And it’s a very involved process, especially if you’ve never done that before, to take that on. And she offered to mentor me too, and she’s incredible lady. So I managed to make that happen. Plus, I’d been wanting to start a podcast. I’m like, hey, why don’t I just print in this magazine that’s going out in 22,000 copies across Alberta that there’s a podcast coming? And I actually had that launched before the magazine went live in the end of February. So new, a new magazine. There were a couple tearful nights where I felt totally out of my element and got the podcast launched. So it went out in 2023 with that same model of an annual print free publication being distributed around Calgary, Edmonton and surrounding areas. And as that year went along and I was hosting some online support groups, I had the podcast going, you know, up to three episodes a week, many times loving learning more about what organizations, what experts and professionals and services are out there to help people. I felt like I wanted more current content. I wanted to be fresh and offer more publications and be available more accessibly. I kept bumping into the negative stigma of people didn’t want to have a print magazine. You know, I’d be at a networking event and, oh, that’s really cool. Can I hear more about it? And I’d offer them a copy and they’d be like, can I just find that online? You know, they didn’t want to have a copy of a divorce magazine in their hand because it’s going to raise a lot of awkward questions. Potentially. And same with displaying it in businesses. They were really reluctant. They’re like, that’s a kind of a negative topic. Well, did you know that over half of the people walking through your door are probably looking for this information? But again, are they going to sit down and open that magazine in a public space? Maybe not. So I thought there has to be a better way. I went 100% digital in 2024 quarterly. I added newsletters on the other eight months and I added a second magazine called Life changes. So for 2024, there were two magazines, quarterlies. So eight magazines. There were eight newsletters every month a new publication in. And of course four months, two publications. And then this spring I merged them as Life Changes and Divorce. And why I added Life Changes is because so much of the content through my articles that people had in the magazine and the podcast was relevant regardless of whether there was a divorce or following divorce. Now what? And I have a, you know, like social media. I expanded the website. I have a YouTube channel, a blog. I’ve now since been a year into co hosting the Shift Happens show, which is a talk show with my friend Carrie Hanson. And we just, you know, we’re ranking right up there and getting a lot of really good feedback about what we’re doing. And people we don’t always hear from our audience, we’re seeing the numbers. But it’s A, it’s a tough demographic to A, build trust, but B, have public engagement with. So we’ll hear from them behind the scenes. But it’s still a lot of negative stigma that we’re dealing with.
[00:47:49 – 00:49:37]
Well, people feel embarrassed, right? They do. And it’s not just because again, it’s all back to that learned behavior. Learn behavior. What, what religion has put on us. Like think about me and a cat and a straight ended about Catholic home. All of a sudden I’m the only boy of three kids and I reach out to my parents, I’m leaving and they knew I was having problems. And even, you know, like the relatives who go to family reunions, we go to different things and, and all of a sudden, oh, you know, how are you doing? It must be tough, right? You need a woman to help you, right? Your life is not going to be good. And I’m so, I’m hearing all these little. Then you go to church and you hear, you go to school and with your kids, right? All of a sudden you have no confidence. And I looked at my life skills and what I’ve gone through, just like you talked about you did in life because you’re helping people. There’s so many different things through divorce. The life lessons. It’s no different than my industry. 23 years of sitting down with people about money. It’s. You can’t help them with money if you can’t get past all that other stuff. Their, their poor marriage, their divorce, their. Whatever they’re going through. If you can’t get past all those monsters, they’re emotional, they’re. They’re money monsters, they’re physical monsters. It’s almost impossible to help. So I, I like the idea that you implemented that life, you know, the life coaching part, the life changes part of it, because you’re going to help people get, you know, not just, oh, it’s terrible, you’re going to divorce. I can empathize with you. I went through this and you have these, these parties, these pity parties.
[00:49:37 – 00:49:37]
Yeah.
[00:49:38 – 00:49:50]
But are you really doing anything to help grow that person? So maybe you went to your divorce five, six years ago, 10 years ago, and now you have somebody new. Don’t give advice if you don’t know.
[00:49:50 – 00:49:50]
Right.
[00:49:51 – 00:49:55]
Don’t give advice. Send them to people that can help. Don’t make their life worse.
[00:49:56 – 00:49:56]
Right.
[00:49:56 – 00:50:12]
Just because you have relevant things that have happened, you both went through divorce, doesn’t mean you’re good to coach them. It doesn’t mean that your anger and stuff, you can support them. But I don’t think you give the best advice. I had the worst advice from divorce people.
[00:50:13 – 00:50:21]
Exactly. That’s what I love about I’m a hub. So I’m a hub for where people can come to find the people.
[00:50:21 – 00:50:21]
Exactly.
[00:50:21 – 00:51:46]
The legitimate answers and they can answer the questions. And with that information, you’re empowered to make a decision. Because I’m not here to promote divorce. I’m here to help you make an informed decision about whether you’re ready or if you’re in the middle of it. Is there a better way for a better outcome? Because it’s not going to last. You’re not going to be stuck in the process. You may, it can take years, but there is going to be an afterlife. And the way you deal with the mess is going to set you up for a different type of outcome. So with the life changes side of it, there’s career and education, there’s finance, real estate, parenting, loss, grief. There’s so much else that can also be impacted with a divorce, but also without. And if they can find that information and actually, to your point, Dwight, people are looking for a way to help someone that they see going through it. And a lot of my audience is that. And now they can just. Because it’s digital, it’s discreet, it’s easy to share, it’s accessible. They can shoot them a link to a podcast episode or a publication or an article. And with them being hyperlinked publications, they can also click within the magazine and either see a video or go right to a website. So we’re, we’re making it. I mean, now it’s globally accessible and, and discreet, and it’s gives people a tool that is a credible piece of help.
[00:51:47 – 00:52:36]
Well, you have to have something because people are already weak in this emotionally, right? Mentally, physically, if they’re even thinking about divorce. It’s your whole mindset. You beat yourself up, you go to bed and quiet desperation. Do I, Do I stay another day? And I know you’re not promoting divorce, neither am I. But there’s so many people that that is your salvation. And it’s going to take time for you to realize that to, to find somebody to coach you through it, like Dina or to. Maybe that divorce isn’t the ass answer. Maybe the answer is you need some counseling because you went through some stuff in your own childhood and you’re causing the problem and it’s not the other person. It’s. It’s tough when you have to. When you have to own your own.
[00:52:38 – 00:52:38]
Well.
[00:52:38 – 00:52:38]
Right.
[00:52:38 – 00:53:30]
It’s a disclaimer, too. I’m not a coach, just a hub. I help connect people with actual coaches and, and, and many other people. But what was interesting to me, Dwight, is that organically the conversations, because people were talking about divorce, they would organically bring up about abuse. And I’d be at a networking event and someone would say, we are terrified for a close family friend that we have who’s now been isolated at home, told to quit work, you know, how can we help her? And things like that. And so I then became more aware of the help and the organizations out there that can support people. And so I really encourage people get to know what’s out there so that you can offer that. And then instead of avoiding conversations, when you’re concerned about someone, you can point them towards an expert that can help them.
[00:53:31 – 00:53:46]
And I appreciate you ensuring that people know you’re a hub. It’s just like myself, you know, I sit down and I’m a hub to help people. You know, go deal with this. Go deal with that.
[00:53:46 – 00:53:46]
Right.
[00:53:46 – 00:54:43]
And I’ll ask them questions and stuff. We’re here about money. No, that’s secondary. Maybe eighth in the list of what I’M just realizing from our conversation that we need to deal with that. We need, you know, how about some of this? Have you ever thought of doing this? Because you’re, you’re just basically having conversation like we are, to find out and build that connection to them so that I can say. Or be honest. If you don’t know shit, don’t say shit. Just say, you know what people, I, you know, I really feel for you, Bob, Sally, John, Sarah. But at the end of the day, I really don’t have the answer for you. I can hear you. So sometimes you need to be that person just to listen. Arm on the shoulder, empathize, let them cry and shut up. Don’t always think you have to be the person that knows everything because your buddy or your. Or your girlfriend saying, this person’s terrible, I want to leave him.
[00:54:43 – 00:54:44]
Right.
[00:54:44 – 00:54:52]
I want to. Because they didn’t. You don’t even have to be married to go to the divorce process. Yeah, the piece of paper.
[00:54:52 – 00:54:52]
Right.
[00:54:52 – 00:55:01]
You can be significant. Common laws. For 20 years, I’ve seen it, had clients. It’s a divorce. It’s just a word. It means even if you’re decoupling.
[00:55:02 – 00:55:36]
Yeah, decoupling, separating. I encourage people, though, too, to say, if you do need help, then maybe we can. I can help. You know, we can find it together. Because sometimes it’s a lot, especially for the person who’s in that chaos and overwhelm to take that on. And if they feel like somebody’s going to give them a hand, like, let’s do some research together and maybe we can find you some help. And just knowing that there’s a little bit of that accountability, too, that somebody’s invested, they care. Like, they value me and they’re willing to help me look for some resources. So even if you don’t have the answers to look.
[00:55:37 – 00:56:08]
Exactly. But don’t give answers, give recommendations. Hey, let’s hold hands together and walk down this path. I’m your friend, I’m your family, I’m whatever, I’m all of the above. And I want to help you, but don’t. I’ve had so many people throughout my lifetime that gave terrible advice to people because. And why are you giving advice? Like, unless you’re an expert on it and been doing it here, I’ll support you. Let’s look up some people now. In today’s day and age with technology.
[00:56:08 – 00:56:09]
Right.
[00:56:09 – 00:56:13]
Let’s look up some people. Maybe you need me to come with you to some of these support groups.
[00:56:14 – 00:56:14]
Right?
[00:56:14 – 00:56:23]
I honestly, I have done that to people throughout their lifetimes that were going through stuff, didn’t have answers for them, I’ll come and support you.
[00:56:23 – 00:56:24]
Right.
[00:56:26 – 00:56:32]
It’s just, it’s giving that little bit of extra effort so that person can feed off your strength, right?
[00:56:32 – 00:56:32]
Yes.
[00:56:32 – 00:56:52]
Off of your resolve can be enough just to get them past it. So, yes, 100% agree. Do what you can to help them, but listen and don’t give advice. Except unless that advice is to, hey, I’m going to help you find somebody that can make a difference in your life. Hey, I know this great, fantastic person named Dina. She’s going to help you out.
[00:56:53 – 00:56:53]
Right?
[00:56:54 – 00:56:55]
I’ll call her right now.
[00:56:55 – 00:56:56]
Right.
[00:56:56 – 00:57:01]
Or I’ll message her right now and I’ll give you a connection so that you can go on this journey.
[00:57:01 – 00:57:01]
Right.
[00:57:01 – 00:57:05]
So. But so many people are scared because they don’t want to be judged.
[00:57:05 – 00:57:06]
Right?
[00:57:07 – 00:57:44]
They don’t want to be judged. So they don’t talk to people when they hear stories about violence or things that are going on. And sometimes being that person to go over, I’ve heard that before. Well, you need to leave him or you need to leave her. Maybe you just go up and say, hey, what’s going on? Do you need somebody to talk to? Don’t go and add. Yeah, quit taking a five gallon. Or, or for people that are into leaders, take. Quit taking a liter of fuel or a gallon of fuel and pouring it on them. That’s all you’re doing. You’re not helping. You’re not helping people.
[00:57:44 – 00:57:44]
Right.
[00:57:45 – 00:58:10]
Be cognizant of your words, Be a wordsmith, know what to say, when to say it. And are we all perfect? No, I still make mistakes. But then if you make a mistake, turn around and go, you know what, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that that way. My heart’s in the right place. I want to help you. I shouldn’t have said it this way. And what do you need from me? That’s the toughest thing for people this. They think they have all the answers instead of just saying, hey, Dina, what do you need from me?
[00:58:11 – 00:58:39]
How can I help? A nice way. I like of phrasing it and I’m not always good to remember this. It’s, do you want me to listen or would you like me to help you find answers? Do you want to hear my opinion or do you just want me to listen and give people that opportunity to say no, I just need to dump this right now and I think I’ll figure it out if I can talk it out loud with you or they’ll be like, like I would really love to hear your opinion on this or can you help me find some, some answers?
[00:58:40 – 00:59:18]
Yeah, I agree, that’s. And I do do that too, you know. And then there’s also a humorous side to this. And what I mean by that is when sometimes I’ll be talking to people and they’re a type of person that really, they don’t want you to say anything that isn’t positive, they don’t want any negative. So I’ll look at people depending on the conversation and say, you know, first question I have for you, would you like the truth or a lie? Would you like it dressed up where you can tolerate it or do you want to just harden? Hard hitting.
[00:59:18 – 00:59:18]
Right.
[00:59:18 – 00:59:34]
And I’m not saying I use that to everybody, but I have and, and people all. Sometimes people will laugh and it’ll just be a retention reducer because I’ll have a smirk on my face or a smile. I’m not saying it so serious to make, you know, because it all depends. I’m trying to break the ice, I guess.
[00:59:34 – 00:59:35]
Right.
[00:59:35 – 00:59:49]
You really want me to tell you how I feel about what you just said? You’ve given me permission, but are you strong enough? I’m not sure I’m going to ask you. Are you strong enough to hear the truth or would you rather me lie to you about it?
[00:59:49 – 00:59:50]
Right.
[00:59:50 – 01:00:01]
And everybody’s got to do something different. That’s my personality. I like me trying to reduce the tension because as an introvert, I and an empath, I pick up on that stuff big time.
[01:00:01 – 01:00:01]
Right.
[01:00:01 – 01:00:08]
Being an empath, being in doing what we do and we deal with people, it can be a blessing and a curse.
[01:00:09 – 01:00:10]
Right.
[01:00:11 – 01:00:36]
So I wanted to ask you, you know, you’re not as publisher and editor in chief, you’re curating, pardon me, the voices of others. How do you. Do you have a team of people? How do you choose the stories, the contributors, contributors, part of me and the themes that appear in your magazine. Like do you have a. Do you have a process that you go through or people that you rely on to give you ideas?
[01:00:37 – 01:03:30]
So far I haven’t run out of any of my own ideas, but the content is coming from contributors. So I have people who do pay for space in the magazine and that’s to continue with the same vibe that Dorothy created was inform. So it’s advertorial. It’s very much needs to be empowering information, whether they reach out and contact that provider or not. It’s they can see it’s credible, it’s coming from this person. And they’re talking around their expertise and their area of strength. Right. They are an expert. So there’s that content. Then there’s also the content that I have from people who’ve been on my podcast or who have contributed blog articles that like guest blog articles. And that content is very powerful, especially the Hope in Hell. So I have a Hope in Hell series related to abuse and the I call them victors over violence and helping them give voice to their truth and their stories because others can hear my story. That’s one. One type of experience. But there’s many different other stories that they might find relatable that will help them understand what they’re in or what somebody they care about is in. So that’s a series I have on the podcast as well as I’m collecting stories to publish a compilation of those pieces so that we’ll then turn all those proceeds over to organizations that support families in this way. But that is where some of the stories come from. And then we just, we share this out in the different publications on the multimedia platforms, whether it’s the podcast or whatever. And we try and have a really good balance. And I know in my introduction you mentioned how I’m very much focused on empowering women, and I am, because that’s the journey I’ve been on. But I’ve been, you know, kind of directed more than once by mentors to niche out men. Not by Dorothy, but by some other business experts. And they said you really need to niche down. And you know, women are 60%, 60 to 65% of your audience. That’s your focus. But I really struggle with that and I reject doing that because where’s the communities for men? Men are struggling. Women, there’s one in four, one in three women. One in four men are abused, for instance. Men are struggling with their mental health. Men are also part of this many, most of the times part of that equation of a when there’s been a divorce or separation that you know who’s there, they’re co parenting who’s there, supporting them and offering them community. So I try and make sure that we have content as well that can speak to the men in our audience and help and support them as well.
[01:03:31 – 01:04:12]
That’s great to hear. I know you had mentioned that when we first met about being on your show, whether or not I was willing to share my journey. Absolutely. Does it hurt to talk about it as it hurt to written about it, write about a part of me or be on shows and talk about it. Absolutely. But at the end of the day, if I can help one male, one man, not feel like they’re not worthy, I’ve done my, I’ve done what I needed to do. One person and women or men, nobody should feel unworthy. And it, it just, it comes a point that when I needed support, I tough it up. I got the same attitude as I got when I was little. Boys don’t cry.
[01:04:12 – 01:04:13]
Right.
[01:04:13 – 01:05:08]
Tough it up. Oh, that didn’t hurt. Don’t be a wussy, don’t be this. All the different little terms we heard growing up and, and Canada, maybe in North America, it’s all the same. But yeah, we can make a difference for the men. People don’t realize, look at the laws of what happened back in the 50s, who got men, or pardon me, who got children when they got divorced. They’re normally. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. So it’s, it’s. So many things have, have developed and changed. And I’m not saying that I’m not de facto standard of being a person that, you know, you should model yourself after, but at the end of the day, there’s things that I utilize and did and people I had to bring in to support me because the traditional world is frowns down on men for wanting to be a caregiver.
[01:05:08 – 01:05:09]
Right.
[01:05:09 – 01:06:47]
Let the woman take care of that. You do, you do what you need to do. Go work, bring home the bacon, bring home the bread. Whereas me, I looked at my way I grew up. My dad was a workaholic. Loved him. My mom was the nurturer. I wanted to be that guy that was around for my kids in the summer. My dad was a workaholic with a farm equipment business. He’s working in the summer. Right. So I literally was raised a certain way. And I thought to myself, when I get older, I’m going to figure out what I can do to take every single summer off with my kids, especially when I got full custody, went from joint to full custody and having them because life’s one shot. This journey is, is, you know, not, not finite or part of me. It’s finite, it’s not infinite. And I want to enjoy my kids now, this many years later, they’re all growing up and I see my, my kids doing it to their kids, spending as much time as they can with them, realizing that journey short. Like, look at our kids, they go from 0 to 12, 12, 13, and we don’t have four years. Yeah, exactly. And we’re not existent all of A sudden we’re, we’re, you know, hey, you want to hang out? No, I’m doing this, I’m doing that. I’m getting it already from my one. My. My second oldest grandson is 12, same thing. He come out, hang out for a few days with me this summer. I managed to get some time with him, what, three, four weeks ago, but it’s not the same as it was even a year ago. Right. Those memories gone like this. Create them, do what you can to support one another.
[01:06:47 – 01:07:18]
It’s really important too, that not only your story is relatable to the men, but also to the community of other support people. The other men, the women that are supporting that person, because when they hear it from a man’s perspective, they are more compassionate and more curious to know what’s going on in the life of the person that they care about. They’d be like, oh, I wonder if that’s how they’re feeling. And maybe they’ll open some conversations or reach in or show support.
[01:07:19 – 01:07:55]
Yeah. And anybody that’s listening to this, I’ve mentioned it before because I have had people on in regards to divorce. Nobody has, honestly. And I’m not putting fluffiness as compelling or involved in it as you, but at the end of the day, if you want to reach out, you need to somebody to talk to and just listen to my experiences or. Or you want me just to listen to yours and then we have a conversation another time after you. It’s not going to cost you anything. I’d rather be able to help uplift you so that you can live the purpose that you’re supposed to live.
[01:07:56 – 01:07:56]
Right.
[01:07:56 – 01:08:54]
My brand is how to live a life on purpose, not by accident. I didn’t say anywhere it was easy, all right. I didn’t say anywhere that it was hard. It just takes something that we don’t do. We don’t put in the effort and take action until our believability have the right people around us with that action to have our believability increase. Today you may feel helpless, but tomorrow is another day. Even after this podcast. Reach out to Dina, reach out to me. Have somebody talk to you or listen to you. Part of me so that you can be the best version of who the universe or God wanted you to be. So we’re gonna. We’re. Oh, wow, this has been amazing. We’re already getting close to the end of the show. We’re gonna talk about. I gotta skip a couple things here, but again, we’re gonna. We’re gonna have to have you on and catch up, especially with all the. As you’re evolving with your business and everything that you’re doing, I want to stay on top of it.
[01:08:54 – 01:08:54]
Right.
[01:08:54 – 01:09:05]
Make sure our listeners and viewers can too. So writing as a healing and empowerment part of our lives. I know when I wrote my own book, I found it extremely cathartic.
[01:09:06 – 01:09:06]
Right?
[01:09:06 – 01:09:57]
Five and a half months, editor, bringing things back, reading it, crying. I literally cried reading things like, wow, I actually wrote that. I watch. I still haven’t fixed that, but I’m writing about it like it was. For one thing, it was a pat in the back. And in other parts, writing it and putting out the book was a kick in the pants for me. Right. I don’t know if that happened to you with, with your, with your publications, because you’ve written and published books and workbooks designed to help women navigate life transitions and reclaim their power. So we’ll, we’ll mention a couple of the titles. So one of them is Manifesting youg Next Chapter, A Healing Journal for Women in Transition. So that’s a journal you published. And another is the book you can make happen. Don’t give up on what you want most.
[01:09:58 – 01:09:58]
Right.
[01:09:58 – 01:10:23]
Powerful Manifesting Made Easy, A bold and empowering guide to manifesting change. So those books themselves. So you talk about the book’s going to help you, you know, guide to Manifesting Change. How did it change you when you decided to start writing this book and then got to the end? What did it? What were your feelings? What were your experiences in that journey of writing the book and publishing.
[01:10:25 – 01:12:15]
Was empowering for myself. So claiming, you know, my creator part and really assimilating with that, like saying, yes, I welcome it, let’s go. And over time, my blog evolved. I shared things that I found thought provoking, I hoped, and things I was going through. And I pulled those together and supplemented that as well and built out those manifestation books and like the guidebook and journal and just wanting others to do this with intention. Because what we don’t always understand is we are manifesting all the time. We just haven’t really channeled or done it with intention. And when we understand the power in that and how simple it can be, then we realize, hey, it’s possible. I don’t have to give up on things that I want to do or things I want in my life or the healing or safety, whatever it might be. And so when we can go and actually explore and dig back, dust some of that off and say, you know, what’s there that I’ve just ignored and put on the back burner, especially as women, I think, and nurturers. So you can relate to this too, as being a primary. Like you’re the full custody of your children at some point as well. You put them first. It’s always take care of them first. And we just think there’s never going to be time for those dreams that we had or those desires or when that invitation comes, we. We get excited and then we talk ourselves out of it. And so that’s what these books are mainly about, is just kind of workbooks as well for people to. Some prompts get them thinking about different things that, you know, is. Are buried and that they’ve maybe given up on Earth.
[01:12:16 – 01:13:36]
Well, it opens up our thought processes. It makes us think differently than we’ve been stuck in. Most people don’t want to give credit to the fact that our brain is a giant computer. It doesn’t know the difference between a truth and a lie. Society programs it. Those around us program it. And sometimes that book is the best programming. You know, people say, well, where do I find this info on this and this and that? And I’ll say, well, sometimes the best place to do it is it’s called cracking open a book. And wow, there’s information inside that can elevate and change your life. You know, maybe, maybe don’t binge watch Netflix this weekend. You pick up a big book and I’m not, again, a good book. Maybe I’m not against you watching Netflix. I like doing it. I sometimes binge watch series too. It’s just, where are you at in your life if you’re feeling helpless and you’re on that hamster wheel and you’re going to work, go home, get paid. You’re going through the same trials and tribulations at home. You got all these kinds of pressures. You got to do something right, Take that baby step. Let’s help you move forward. Grab this book from Dana, right? Honestly, grab, grab. Listen to her podcast. Get the magazine. I wish I would have had these resources when I went through divorce, right? Separation, Divorce, 2017.
[01:13:37 – 01:14:20]
I hear that all the time, people saying that. And you know, a friend of mine lent a copy of the make shit you can make shit happen book to a guy friend of hers who was curious about it. And she goes, well, have a look. And he was going through some, some shit in his life at that time. And he told her, oh, I can’t wait. Every night I get home to work through some more of that. And he said, I know it’s written for women. But he really got something out of it too, which surprised me. I shouldn’t surprise me, but that a guy would stick with it and that he did see some things that could help him as well. So that was really kind of encouraging for me that it. There’s that potential too, that’s empowering.
[01:14:20 – 01:15:17]
I love hearing that. At the end of the day, we as a society, men and women, we have to continue to strive to have equality. And until such time that we understand that we both have our yin and yang and emotional health, emotional instabilities, we have things that don’t align. Obviously we don’t. But when it comes to feeling helpless, feeling alone, feeling judged, both sexes feel it. We just feel it a different way. So it’s refreshing to hear that somebody would read that book and got something out of it, which doesn’t surprise me at all. Right. Just replace humans. Yeah. Replace words. We just want to be acknowledged, loved. We want to love ourselves, we want to love on others. And we, we don’t want society to constantly judge us based on their lens.
[01:15:18 – 01:15:18]
Right.
[01:15:18 – 01:15:56]
And, and it’s just, it’s gotten terrible to a point where again, I have my own leds and I judge, I try not to judge people. Part of me, I try to put them through my filter and then think to myself, oh, my gosh, what are they going through? What is their, what is their. What has their walk, their journey been like since they woke up today? Why does this person that I know always say they have a bad day? Why do they. I know they did something great earlier on the day, but when I ask them later on, something happened. I’ve had a lousy day. Why are we defined it as a society by. By old rules or old, you know, adages or old restrictions?
[01:15:56 – 01:15:57]
Right.
[01:15:57 – 01:16:06]
At the end of the day, you don’t have to have a bad day. Change your mindset. I had a bad character building moment. How can I get past this?
[01:16:06 – 01:16:06]
Right?
[01:16:06 – 01:16:16]
Who can I invite into my world when I go to bed at night? Am I, am I saying to myself, oh, great way to set yourself up when you go to bed. I had a lousy day, I’m going to bed.
[01:16:19 – 01:16:20]
What? Right.
[01:16:20 – 01:16:36]
Anyway, I digress. I have a question, though, about writing. So for someone who has been silenced or feels invisible, as we’ve talked about this prior, how can journaling or storytelling help them to begin to reclaim their voice?
[01:16:38 – 01:22:23]
That is powerful. It’s also very intimidating, but it’s very liberating. And if you can start with journaling, it Feels safer. And if you are in a place where you don’t feel safe, you feel vulnerable having it on paper, in ink. You can do notes in your phone. There’s. You can do voice memo in your phone, something like that. You can even password protect them so that you feel entirely safe when you first start and then gradually start sharing that. And I really encourage people to explore setting up a website. Super easy. It’s actually very cheap. Set up a website, don’t publish it yet, don’t make it public and start a little blog. Put it on there and just go. You’ll open your computer, you can go to this page and you can see your writing and you know it’s sitting there online. You just have to hit the public button anytime you feel like it. If you want to do that or self publish, it can be tiny little book and self publish some of your work. And you don’t know who’s out there waiting to hear that story. So a very wise person told me that we are actually obligated to share what we’ve learned and the journey we’ve been on because we may feel like we know nothing, we have no value to offer, but we’re a step ahead of somebody in our journey, in our learning, in our healing. And what we can share can totally lift or encourage somebody. You may never know, but they’ll be like, oh, wow, her too. Oh, she feels that. Or she’s been there. I relate. And it’s. There’s some obligation to share that value. We’re here on the earth to be a community and support each other, walk each other down this path. And you’ve referred to that in some so many different ways today, Dwight. Like this is important. It’s important. Life, work. And you will start to value yourself too. And you will start to recognize things that you could celebrate about yourself. Accomplishments. Here’s a. Here’s even an exercise. I was blown away when I did this. Sit down with a pen and paper and write down everything that you have learned or accomplished in the last. Even the last week, month, year. I did it in the last. I think I did over a time period of a year or something. And the more I did, then I’d be out on a walk or something and go, oh, I got to add that to my list when I get home, just any little thing, anything. And you start to see, holy crap, have I ever accomplished. I’ve learned so much. I’ve accomplished things. I’ve actually done more than I’ve given myself credit for. And as you Said celebrate that you can change that mindset of, oh, I had an awful day, my life sucks, you know, fml, you’ll hear, like, whatever it is, like, let’s. Let’s try and switch the narrative between our ears, because if we can do that, we now set ourselves up, like you said, our brain. If you keep telling yourself, man, I can make that happen, I can figure that out, I can try this, I can learn, I can fail, and fail forward, whatever terminology you want, your brain’s gonna go, hell, yeah. And let’s figure out how to align things to make that happen. So that’s the power, I think, of writing. There’s so many ways to do it without. If you’re really feeling vulnerable, do it in ways like that. And in one of my blog articles, or it’s in my book too, is an exercise. A psychologist told me when I first sought mental health was adjectives. So I felt very dissociated, very detached. I didn’t know if I was who I was at that point because I’d been in abuse for over 30 years and just thinking, like, I don’t even know who I am and how am I going to figure this out? So she gave me an exercise. Ask a friend, ask a family member, and ask a colleague, and then do it yourself as well. So those four people, just drop the first 10 words of adjectives that describe you. Don’t go back and edit, nothing like that. Just Write the first 10 words that come to mind that would describe me. And I did that exercise. Bring those lists back to the next appointment. Let’s look at them. I was. And when I. When I was collecting them, I was shocked to see how close they all matched. She said, there’s evidence for you that you are who you think you are, because what people wrote is like, it matches what you even wrote, and they match amongst themselves. And the couple, she said, are there any here words that don’t you know, you’re uncomfortable with? I said, well, there’s a couple. She goes, go ask for clarity. So one was a perfectionist, and I was like, I’m not. And my friend said, well, that was just the first word. And I didn’t go back and edit. But I just mean you always make. You always try and do your very best. Okay. I felt more comfortable with that. And the other one was that you are very closed. And she said, it’s because you listen and listen and take care of others, but we really don’t hear much about what’s happening in your life and in your world. So I was like, okay, that’s legit. And that was very, very strengthening for me. So that’s an exercise I encourage people to try. If you’re feeling like I don’t know who I am or how I’m seen by others or what they value in me, you change it up whoever you want. And I was tempted to edit my own list, but I followed the rules and I didn’t. And I came across those lists again a few months ago and just thought, this is cool, because I’m in a totally different place in my life now. I’m still authentically that person.
[01:22:24 – 01:23:10]
That’s awesome. I love you sharing that. That’s amazing. Yeah. The words that people label us with and the meanings behind them, again, it’s back to being a wordsmith or our interpretation of what that word means. So I like that idea that you go back and you ask somebody, you know, what did you mean by this? Right. I think that’s fantastic. We’re running out of time. I’m deaf. I got two whole sections I wanted to go through. We’re going to have to have you back on. We’ll discuss that. We’ll discuss that outside of the show and get you booked in a short fashion here. So last question. Dina, if you had to give our listeners one piece of encouragement, something from your own life, proving it’s always worth giving a heck and never giving up, what would that be?
[01:23:11 – 01:23:25]
Ooh. Well, most people, you know, you’re enough. You matter, that type of thing. I encourage people to be curious instead of judgmental and start with yourself.
[01:23:25 – 01:23:46]
Wow, that’s impactful. I love that. That’s definitely a static post you should put up. I like that. That’s. That’s perfect. I’m serious. I like that. I like impactful, short things that make me go, I stopped breathing for a second. I like that. So, no problem. Any last final comments before I wrap up the show?
[01:23:48 – 01:23:56]
Everyone has a story, and everybody has something that you could learn about them. So get curious and ask them.
[01:23:57 – 01:23:58]
Wow.
[01:23:58 – 01:25:22]
Thank you so much. So my final message before we close. Remember, your instincts are valid. Your story is powerful. Your healing is possible, whether you whisper your truth or shout it from the rooftops. Give a heck. Give it fiercely. Compassion builds bridges, and your courage lights the way this has been, Dina, a voice of victory, a builder of community, and a beacon of hope for those navigating life’s hardest transitions. If this conversation moved you, share it with someone who needs to know they’re not alone. Their past does not define them. Their courage does. If this episode resonated with you in any way, shape or form, please share it with those you love. It lets the algorithms know that this topic, this person, this podcast matters and it’ll distribute it to more people. So please do me a favor as well. If you could like the show, subscribe on YouTube, leave a comment. Any review is muchly appreciated, and I look forward to talking to you and interviewing somebody fantastic for the next episode of Give a Heck. And remember, until the next time, it’s never too late to Give a heck.