He Chose His Kids Over Seven Figures, Dwight Heck On Fatherhood

Dwight Heck on Choosing His Kids, Give A Heck Podcast

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    A phone call, eight years into joint custody. One question from his own kid, when do we get a say. Dwight Heck said now, and shelved a seven figure dream for over a decade.

     

    🎙️ Give A Heck Podcast

    Real conversations and solo episodes about purpose, financial stewardship, mindset, leadership, and intentional living. This is the finale of the Not by Accident: Three Decisions solo arc.

     

    📋 Episode Overview

    Dwight Heck closes his three part solo arc, Not by Accident: Three Decisions, with the story of the decision that was never about his body or his career, it was about the kind of father he was going to be. He starts with his own father, present as a provider but largely absent as a communicator, the generational pattern Dwight found himself repeating with his own kids during his first brick and mortar business, until a lightbulb moment led him to take every summer off.

     

    The harder decision came later. Eight years into joint custody, during one of their near nightly phone calls, one of his kids asked him a question that had been building for years, when did they get a say in where they lived, and when was enough enough. Dwight did not hesitate. He said now, and went and got them. That single moment set up the real decision, choosing to become the present, engaged father he never had, over pushing a successful financial business toward a seven figure income.

     

    Dwight explains what being present actually looked like in practice, from the Ziploc baggies he kept for each of his kids’ savings to a roller blades deal that taught one of them exactly how much she wanted something. He shelved his own professional dreams for over a decade to raise five kids largely on his own, and explains how that decade shaped the financial coach and educator he is today.

     

    This is Part 3 of the Not by Accident: Three Decisions solo arc, the finale, closing the thread that started with a choice about a body he could not control, continued with a career he had to walk away from, and ends with the decision that shaped the rest of his life.

     

    📚 What You Will Learn in This Episode

    • Why Dwight’s relationship with his own father shaped the kind of father he decided to become
    • What the lightbulb moment was that led him to take every summer off during his first business
    • The exact phone call, eight years into joint custody, that changed everything
    • Why he chose to shelve a seven figure business dream to become a present, engaged father
    • What being present actually looked like day to day, from Ziploc baggies to a roller blades deal
    • How raising five kids largely on his own shaped the financial coach and educator he is today
    • How this decision closes the thread running through all three decisions in this solo arc

    📑 Chapter Summaries

    0:00 Teaser

    The cold open, pulled from later in the episode.

     

    0:13 Introduction

    Dwight opens the finale of the Not by Accident arc and names the decision at the center of this episode.

     

    2:00 His Own Father

    Dwight describes growing up with a present provider but an emotionally distant father.

     

    2:50 The Lightbulb Moment

    During his first brick and mortar business, Dwight catches himself repeating the same pattern and decides to take every summer off.

     

    3:26 The Phone Call

    Eight years into joint custody, one of his kids asks when they get a say in where they live.

     

    5:01 What He Was Already Doing

    Dwight lays out everything he was already handling as a functional full time parent on a joint custody schedule.

     

    6:25 The Business He Almost Built

    Dwight describes the seven figure trajectory he was on, and the choice he actually faced.

     

    8:06 Becoming the Present Father

    Dwight explains what he promised himself, and what it actually meant to show up.

     

    9:28 Ziploc Baggies and Roller Blades

    Specific, concrete examples of how Dwight taught his kids about money and effort.

     

    10:50 A Decade on Hold

    Dwight explains what shelving his professional dreams for over a decade actually looked like.

     

    11:45 The Whole Thread

    Dwight ties all three decisions of the arc together and closes the series.

     

    🔑 Key Takeaway

    None of these three decisions were made for him.

    A doctor had an opinion about the brace. A friend had a suggestion about finance. The world had plenty of opinions about what a successful father was supposed to look like. In every one of these decisions, across all three episodes, the actual decision only happened once Dwight stopped listening to what everyone else thought he should do, and got honest with himself about what was already true.

     

    🔁 Continue the Conversation

    Part 1 of the Not by Accident arc, the story of the brace, the bullying, and the hike that proved a diagnosis was not a ceiling.

     

    Part 2 of the same arc, the mainframe risk, the health crisis, and the career change into finance that set up this finale.

     

    Dwight’s milestone reflection on money, regret, and purpose pairs naturally with this episode’s themes of decisions and legacy.

     

    A solo episode on the financial and emotional strain of the sandwich generation, a natural next listen after this one.

     

    Art’s story of choosing purpose over professional momentum echoes the same tradeoff Dwight faced with his own business.

     

    A practical follow-up for listeners drawn to the financial side of Dwight’s decade of shelved ambition.

     

    Sira’s breakdown of what chasing professional momentum actually costs pairs closely with Dwight’s own choice to step back.

     

    🧵 Key Themes Discussed

    • Breaking a generational pattern instead of repeating it
    • Choosing presence over a seven figure business trajectory
    • What being a present parent actually looks like in daily practice
    • Single parenthood as an unexpected teacher of financial reality
    • Legacy, and what it means to shelve a dream rather than lose it
    • The thread connecting all three decisions in this solo arc
    • Part 3 of the Not by Accident: Three Decisions solo arc, the finale

    🤝 Connect with Dwight Heck

     

    🎧 Listen and Watch This Episode

     

    💭 Final Thoughts

    Dwight closes the entire arc by tying all three decisions together, the brace, the mainframe and the health crisis, and this one, choosing to become the father he never had. None of the three were decided for him. Each one only became real once he stopped listening to what everyone else thought and got honest with what was already true. That is the whole thread of the series, not by accident, on purpose.

     

    📣 Call to Action

    📝 Full Episode Transcript

    [00:00:00] One of them asked me why they never got a say in where they lived. When did they get to decide when enough was enough and where they actually wanted to live full time.

     

    [00:00:13] Welcome to Give a Heck. I am your host, Dwight Heck, and for much of my life, lived my life in quiet, desperation wondering how I was going to pay the bills, take vacations, save for retirement, and one day wondering if I would get off the hamster wheel of life and have purpose, a life that most of society lives, which takes us to work, then home, then repeat, and pays us hopefully enough.

     

    [00:00:37] Just to survive the harsh truth that most live with more months than money and have no idea how to live life on purpose, not by accident. This ensures the mass majority are living not just financially broke, however, emotionally and mentally as well. Due to financial pressures and each episode, I will introduce you to thoughts, ideas, and guests that can help you to learn how you too can live life on purpose, not by accident.

     

    [00:01:08] Welcome back to the Give a Heck podcast, where we challenge survival mode and choose intentional living. I am Dwight Heck, and today it is just me and you. No guest. Just a solo conversation. Last time I told you about a mainframe I had no training to fix and a health crisis that eventually forced me out of nine years of IT consulting and into finance.

     

    [00:01:34] This is part three of not by accident, three decisions, and it is the last one. This decision was not about my body and it was not about my career. It was about the kind of father I was going to be. I want to start with my own father because I do not think you can understand the decision I made without understanding what I was actually deciding against.

     

    [00:02:00] I have selected memories of growing up, going fishing with my dad, occasionally playing catch. As a child. I wanted more the generation my dad grew up in, relied on the women to handle and communicate with the kids. I do not really even have any memories of having a meaningful conversation with him as a kid.

     

    [00:02:25] I know he loved his family and provided a comfortable life for us, but at what cost? When I had kids of my own and my first brick and mortar business, I found myself repeating the exact same lessons I had learned about the role of a father. One day, a light bulb went off in my head. I realised I wanted to live a different way.

     

    [00:02:50] I wanted to know my kids, and more importantly, I wanted them to know me. So I made a choice. I decided to take every summer off to spend with my family. I continued to provide services to my existing clients, but I did not take on any new ones. The business went on cruise control for the summers. I had time to experience the joys of knowing my children and creating memories that they and I will have forever, our children growing up so fast, and I was blessed to be there for much of it.

     

    [00:03:26] That was the first version of this decision. The second version, the harder one, came later. Eight years into joint custody, I got a phone call from my kids the same as we spoke almost every night when they were not with me. They told me about more issues going on at home and about a parent who was once again absent, one who was absent emotionally and mentally, even when she was physically there.

     

    [00:03:55] One of them asked me why they never got a say in where they lived. When did they get to decide when enough was enough and where they actually wanted to live full time. This had been building for years. My kids had gotten used to me being the one who dropped them off, who brought groceries during their time with their other parent who took them to their extracurricular activities, who brought lunch to the school when it was not sent, who rushed to sign a last minute permission form so they would not miss a field trip.

     

    [00:04:36] Who did the parent volunteering? Who was at every one of their events? Who made sure they had clothes and shoes that fit? Who volunteered for bingos and fundraising for their school and their activities? Basically, in a nutshell, I was doing everything a full-time parent does, while only actually having them on a joint custody schedule.

     

    [00:05:01] Their other parent kept up a facade, giving them very little of what they actually needed emotionally and mentally to live a healthy life. When they were with her in our home, they had everything they needed. Good nutrition, a clean home, a parent to listen and to support them, and a safe roof over their heads.

     

    [00:05:25] Not a revolving door of a parent who put her own needs first to be fair to learn behaviour was crushing for their other parent too. No matter the support offered, she could not get off the hamster wheel of life or get out of her own way. You see, you either do or you don’t. You either realise you have challenges and work to overcome them, or you stay on the hamster wheel and treat your loved ones the way you were treated growing up.

     

    [00:05:59] The kids were left with broken teachings, nothing that offered them potential growth. Just a childhood filled with selfishness and verbal and physical abuse. So I did not hesitate. I said, now, and I went and got them. That is the moment, but the real decision was not that phone call. It was everything that came right after it.

     

    [00:06:25] At the time, I had a huge successful financial business and I was dreaming about pushing it even further, consulting to the masses, building a much bigger brokerage. I was working most evenings and weekends, basically every hour I did not, did not already have my kids. I was already bringing in a decent six figure income with a real plan to get to seven figures.

     

    [00:06:52] So I had to decide. Did I want to provide a stable home for my kids, a dad who is consistently around, the thing I always wanted and never experienced myself as a kid? Or did I want to continue chasing my professional dreams and have others raise my kids? For me, it was an easy choice.

     

    [00:07:15] It was still a painful one. I knew there was no substitute for having a parent at home after school for supper, to help with homework, a parent to take their kids to extracurricular activities, and to actually stay and watch when possible. Most important to me, prayers and a bedtime story every night, which I was already doing just only part-time.

     

    [00:07:41] My mom fulfilled all of those roles full-time when I was growing up, and I appreciate her pivotal role in my life, more than I can say. Now it was my turn to do the same, so I buckled down. I shelved my personal dreams for another day, and I pursued the special dream of being the parent who could do everything for their kids.

     

    [00:08:06] I became the present father, the one I dreamed of having around and eventually gave up ever having. I promised myself I would give my own kids the always present, always engaged dad, the one I almost never had. I was there to bring them to school and pick them up. I was there to listen when they had problems with family or friends or anything weighing on them.

     

    [00:08:33] I never expected when I got married that I would one day be a single dad of five children, but there I was. It turned out to exceed my wildest dreams, and it gave me life lessons I still bring to my business today. I understand people and the financial issues they face at a level I would never have reached without going through those hardships and making those difficult choices while raising my family on my own.

     

    [00:09:05] I understand how to live on less and stretch a month to meet the money. I learned how to buy food for less and make a meal that gave us leftovers for school lunches and late night snacks for an ever-growing family. No one can tell me they cannot pinch a penny and a little bit harder because I have been there.

     

    [00:09:28] That same tightness with money did not just apply to me. I made sure my kids learned it too. I kept Ziploc baggies in the cupboard, one for each child for their savings, birthday money, Christmas money, anything they got so they could start to dream about what they wanted and tracked how close they were getting.

     

    [00:09:51] There is a moment I wrote about in my book, give a Heck, how to Live Life on Purpose and Not by Accident. That captures this better than I can explain it now. One of my kids decided she wanted rollerblades. We went out together to see how much they cost and sat down to make a plan. They’re about $90. I told her I would pay for half if she could come up with the other half extra work around the house for about two months to earn her share.

     

    [00:10:26] She agreed and we shook on it. How bad do you want it? That is the question I would ask my kids. Some of them took the lesson right away. Some of them did not get it until they were out on their own making their way in the world. I have gotten to the age now where I see the lessons I taught my kids being taught by them to their own children.

     

    [00:10:50] I put my professional dreams on hold for over a decade. I never forgot about them, but I put them on hold. I continued to maintain my practice at a level that provided for the family. Some months good, some months, a constant struggle. So many kids and so many places they needed to be day and night. I was not able to push my career the way I had once imagined.

     

    [00:11:19] That is life. Now that my kids are grown, I am able to pivot and go back to those dreams, helping more people live a better life today. Retire in comfort and die with dignity. One of the dreams I had as a single parent was to write a book to help inspire people and ensure my knowledge, my own unique music would not die before I could share it with the world.

     

    [00:11:45] It took until the pandemic hit when I suddenly had more time on my hands just like everyone else did for me to realise it was time to drive the direction of my living legacy, to ensure I left an indelible mark on the world and possibly be remembered in history centuries from now. Three decisions a brace instead of surgery at 14, because I finally got honest with myself about what my body could handle a mainframe, and years later, a health crisis that forced me out of an industry that was never going to let me go on its own.

     

    [00:12:30] And this one, choosing to be the father I wished I had, even when it meant shelving, a seven figure dream for over a decade, none of these three decisions were made for me. A doctor had an opinion about the brace. A friend had a suggestion about finance. The world had plenty of opinions about what a successful father was supposed to look like while he was busy climbing.

     

    [00:12:58] And every single one of these, the actual decision only happened once I stopped listening to what everyone else thought I should do and get honest with myself about what was already true. That is the whole thread of this series. If you have been listening for all three, to live a life not by accident, and on purpose. Before I let you go, if this series meant something to you, do me a favour and go leave a review.

     

    [00:13:28] Wherever you are listening to this, it genuinely helps this show. Reach the next person who needs to hear it. And if you’re watching this on YouTube, hit that subscribe button. I would love to have you back for the next one. If you are in Alberta or BC and you want to talk about your actual lifestyle and financial picture and get help implementing it, I am licenced to help you with that directly.

     

    [00:13:56] Go to give a heck.com and book a discovery call. If you’re anywhere else in Canada or anywhere else in the world, I still want to talk with you. That conversation just looks a little different, more coaching, more mindset, and that is available to you too, same website. Thank you for taking time out of your day and listening to Give A Heck.

     

    [00:14:21] This has been Dwight Heck. If you want to check out other podcast episodes or today’s show notes, please check out my website, giveaheck.com and until next time together, let us all strive to give a heck.

     

    [00:14:39] Thank you for taking time out of your day and listening to Give A Heck if you find value. I’d appreciate you sharing with your friends and family so they too can learn how to live life on purpose, not by accident. So you do not miss the next episode. Please subscribe on your favorite podcast platform and please also post a review.

     

    [00:14:59] I look forward to reading your comments. This has been Dwight Heck. If you want to check out other podcast episodes or today’s show notes, please check out my website, giveaheck.com, and until next time together, let us all strive to give a heck.